A Special Brother, a special tribute Options

[JLY]

This poem was written as a tribute to my brother in law who passed away as a result of traffic accident.  I will be reading this at his funeral tomorrow.  I wrote it with much emotion and it may not be as polished as it could be, however, when the sadness dissipates, I will respond to the comments of my MM peers and work on a more suitable revision.
Thank you.

First Revision:  8/30  am

A SPECIAL BROTHER

In our lifetime,
we are blessed
with family and friends.
Some may depart
as soon as we meet,
while others stay
forever and ever.
They are yours
to keep, love, and nurture.
Loving devotion
is measured by
steadfast commitment
when days are darkest.
You thanklessly unburden
troubles, worries and woes
upon their comforting,
soothing steady shoulders.

Sometimes we don't appreciate
the quiet unassuming person
sitting passively on the sideline
while others seize the spotlight.
When the party is over,
music has stopped,
and lights are dim,
you can be sure
there is one person
still cheerfully smiling;
offering steadfast support,
expecting nothing in return,
only that your happiness
be the one constant refrain.

This unique loyal bond
is one you choose to maintain.
When you quietly reflect,
take time to analyze,
there is no need to compromise
on virtues of fidelity and respect,
residing in one faithful soul,
a true supportive confidant.
This person will always be nigh,
your closest ally…
that very person was John.

[font=comic sans ms]

A SPECIAL BROTHER

In our lifetime,
we are blessed
with family and friends.
Some friends may leave us
as soon as we meet,
while others stay around
forever and ever.
But family is yours
to keep, love, and nurture.
The loving devotion
of a sister or brother
is measured by
their steadfast commitment
when our days are darkest.
You thanklessly unburden
troubles, worries and woes
upon their steady shoulders,
which you cling to and treat
as your comforting armrest.
Sometimes we don't appreciate
the quiet unassuming person
who sits passively by,
while others seize the spotlight.
But when the party is over,
the music has stopped,
and the lights are dimming,
you can always be sure
there will be one person
still smiling and grinning;.
offering you steadfast support,
expecting nothing in return,
only that your happiness
be the one constant refrain.
This unique loyal bond
is one you choose to maintain.
Cause when you quietly reflect
and take time to analyze,
there is no need to compromise
on virtues of fidelity and respect,
residing in one faithful soul,
a true supportive confidant.
This person will always be nigh,
be your closest ally,
and that very person was John.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I feel strong emotion wending its way through your words.
A lovely tribute to someone special.  I almost feel that I
shouldn't crit this one but I'm assuming that's why you posted.

In our lifetime,
we are blessed
with family and friends.
Some friends may {leave us}[depart]
as soon as we meet,
while others stay {around}
forever and ever.
{But} Family is yours
to keep, love, and nurture.
{The} Loving devotion
of {a} sister or brother
is measured by
{their} steadfast commitment
when our days are darkest.
You thanklessly unburden
troubles, worries and woes
upon their steady shoulders,
which you cling to {and treat
as your} comforting {armrest}.
Sometimes we don't appreciate
the quiet unassuming person
who sits passively {by,}
while others seize the spotlight.
{But} When the party is over,
{the} music has stopped,
and {the} lights are dim{ming},
you can {always} be sure
there {will be}[is] one person
still smiling {and grinning};{.}grinning the same as smiling
offering {you} steadfast support,
expecting nothing in return,
only that your happiness
be the one constant refrain.
This unique loyal bond
is one you choose to maintain.
{Cause} When you quietly reflect[,]
{and} take time to analyze,
there is no need to compromise
on virtues of fidelity and respect,
residing in one faithful soul,
a true supportive confidant.
This person will always be nigh,
{be} your closest ally{,}[...]
[b]{and} that very person was John.


In our lifetime,
we are blessed
with family and friends.
Some friends may depart
as soon as we meet,
while others stay
forever and ever.
Family is yours
to keep, love, and nurture.
Loving devotion
of sister or brother
is measured by
steadfast commitment
when our days are darkest.
You thanklessly unburden
troubles, worries and woes
upon their steady shoulders,
which you cling to as comforting.
Sometimes we don't appreciate
the quiet unassuming person
who sits passively,
while others seize the spotlight.
When the party is over,
music has stopped,
and lights are dim,
you can be sure
there is one person
still smiling;.
offering steadfast support,
expecting nothing in return,
only that your happiness
be the one constant refrain.
This unique loyal bond
is one you choose to maintain.
When you quietly reflect,
take time to analyze,
there is no need to compromise
on virtues of fidelity and respect,
residing in one faithful soul,
a true supportive confidant.
This person will always be nigh,
your closest ally ...
that very person was John.

I thought this might tighten it up a bit and make the emotion
stronger somehow.  Of course you may ignore if you don't agree!  
It's a lovely piece no matter what you choose to do.

Cathy

[JLY]

Cathy,
Thank you. This is an emotional piece which I wrote for family and friends.

I cannot even entertain revising it until the sadness that my family is experiencing dissipates.
However, your comments are much appreciated and will be thoroughly digested when I am more at peace.

JLY

[Peterpan]

JLY ~
We can all identify with it, that is why it is so powerful.
Thank you for sharing it.
PP

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I am sorry!  I knew that this must be about someone close
and that I should have put off critting.  Well, it's there
for whenever you feel ready.  My thoughts are with you and
your family as you deal with your loss.

Cathy

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Dear John,

I do hope that you are all able to help each other through the darkness of such a sad loss. Your poem is full of emotion. I will be back with a few suggestions when you feel ready for them.

Hugs,

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi John

I'm very sorry for your loss.  You have written a beautiful poignant tribute to your brother-in-law which will touch many people when you read it at the funeral tomorrow.  My thoughts are with you and your family as you deal with this terrible tragedy.

Hugs

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hello John,

Thanks for the read of this sad piece.

I hope all goes as well as can be expected and that the service helps you find some tranquility.

Best wishes,

J.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi John,

It's a beautiful piece. I'm sure it was appreciated
when you read it.  My thoughts are with you.

Cathy

[Ephiny]

Hello John,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and will be thinking about you and your family at this sad time.

This tribute is beautiful..full of love and warmth and also the acknowledge and appreciation of all that your brother in law meant to you and the family.  It is a thoughtful and loving piece of work and I feel privilaged to have read it.

Thinking of you..

[JLY]

Lucie,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt comments.
JLY