 FRAILTY, Double Cinquain |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms  |
 Oct 25 07, 11:30
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,877 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting  |
This is an oldie, in reply to a challenge, perhaps Pandora.
FRAILTY
They seem true solid things: the hurtling hail, bright gems on wedding-rings, your epitaph on stone. So why must I believe this girdle of gray rocks is less ephemeral, or brief, than life? Poem in cinquain form, inspired by a circle of ancient stones, probably a place of Sun worship. © Sylvia Maclagan, Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2007. ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
  
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Oct 26 07, 05:32
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Sylvia,
I just wanted to let you know I've read this lovely pair and will be back to offer critique. I need to refresh my memory on the params of Cinquain. I recall a slight debate recently that they are supposed to be iambic (though that varies on who you talk to and what you read) and contain one continuous thought, which both yours do. Be back soon, ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner  |
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Oct 26 07, 10:35
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#3
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 8,877 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Lori!
Thanks for dropping in! First time I've posted anything here. Just now, I visited Karnak Crossing to see what I could find out about cinquains (a little late in the day...!). The syllable count is 2-4-6-8-2. This form should only contain 2 full sentences (I saw some examples over at Karnak with about 4 sentences!). Anyway, one can be creative in various ways, but I didn't see anything about iambics, not there, at least. Looking forward to your crit, Lori, and all suggestions are welcome. Hugs, Syl *** ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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