Gentleness Options

[jeannefiedler]

The busy rat race
of competition
makes us angry, cold,
and insincere

The outer world
brings trials of insensitivity
the wanting of the material
the luster of gold and white diamonds

We need to face it
embrace our bold, blue hearts
bring out the delicate
shimmering lily of gentleness

We need to be soft
and kind as the deer
The baby fawn who
puts her nose on our window

The scurrying bunny
quiet and peaceful
her image of wonder
scurrying peacefully about

Our relationships will
be totally unconditional
if we add gentleness
and look within our bright souls

The song of sweetness,
goodness and compassion
will fill our spirits
with energy and life

[Eisa]

Hi Jeanne

It's good to see you posting in the forum again.

Yes it is a rat race we live in these days, isn't it and it does affect people.

We need to face it
embrace our bold, blue hearts
bring out the delicate
shimmering lily of gentleness

I'm just wondering what you mean about by blue hearts (sorry if I'm being a bit dim)

I often think that animals are much nicer than a lot of humans!

Snow

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Jeanne, and as Snow says, it truly is wonderful to see you posting. I hope that we will have many opportunities to interchange in the weeks to come.

I'm not personally much of a free-verser, so you can take my comments with a grain of salt. I try to keep my hand in this forum, but I'm still just an experimenter.

I certainly agree with your conception here, and yes, we need to embrace that gentler person inside who's capable of living it out.

I did notice a couple of redundancies and at least two repeated words, but I'm not sure whether you've posted for critique, so I hesitate to point much out. I've been told on a number of occasions that some poem of mine is 'telling' more than 'showing'... but sometimes we offer something that is more didactic or instructive and 'artistic'. Anyhow, I wanted to offer a greeting so you knew your work has been read.

deLighting in seeing your name, Daniel

[Psyche]

Such a spiritual, gentle poem, Jeanne. And wishful.

I love:

'We need to be soft
and kind as the deer
The baby fawn who
puts her nose on our window'

Exactly, humanity has taken a wrong turn. Nothing but mad consumerism.

There won't be any baby fawns around, at this rate.

I second the thoughts you've put so beautifully in verse.

Hugs,
Syl***

[Maureen]

I know animals are nicer than humans - and there are some lovely thoughts expressed in your poem Jeanne

The busy rat race
of competition
makes us angry, cold,
and insincere

We are living in an "I'm all right Jack - stuff you" era and that is very sad. There seems to be a world wide trend of lack of respect and showing common decency to others, which I think started with the loss of common usage of Please and Thank you and escalated downhill from there.

We need to be soft
and kind as the deer
The baby fawn who
puts her nose on our window

agree - in a perfect world, but suspect we stand at risk of being eaten by the big bad wolf if we take this approach without due duty of care. IMO softly softly catchee monkey works but make sure you have a bloody big club at the ready just in case.

I enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing.

Cheers

Maureen
The Scribbly Bark Poet

[Psyche]

Jeanne, I'm back again!

I really wonder whether you'd accept a few nits, as I too notice some repetitions and maybe some doubtful punctuation. Very little, to take or toss!!

Lori is going to put a forum below for "Exhibition only" poems. Trouble is, we all forget to put the *** when we want suggestions. So, with the new forum, you can post there just to share with us.

And if you post here, you'll get crits, sure thing! LOL.

I love workshops where we all help each other out. Personally, I need lots of critique to smarten up my stuff.

Hugs,
Syl***

[saore]

I like your poem, it is so true. There are some things I would do differently.

Sergio