Time Travelling, An adventure of Imagination Options

[Guest__*]

Where the whispering sands of the desert
meet the clouds hanging over the Nile;
Where the sun sitting on the horizon
sees the Sphinx’s inscrutable smile.
It is there that I know where my heart is,
sheltered safe from the cold winter’s blast
and I ponder in mellow seclusion
on those comrades I knew in the past.
There were heroes from golden Helena
and the pirates of old Mandalay.
There were satraps who reigned over Persia,
while the Emperors ruled in Cathay.
They meander through my meditation
as the Tiber stood guard over Rome.
An adventure of imagination
safe and sound in my armchair at home.


A..

[Guest_Jox_*]

A, Hi,

First can I thank you very much for using bold lettering. TFT screens have to run at high resolutions and the usual MM lettering appears very thin and the surrounding white tends to blind one. So thanks!

I enjoyed this. In comparisson with many poems its language was very simple (but never simplistic) - remembering that good English always employs the appropriate word rather than simply the most obscure or complex. So the style is clean and fresh. (Before anyone pounces, there are plenty of times when very complex language - both words and phrasing - is appropriate {The Waste Land?!} but if they are unnecessary they should not be there.

The final twist was very unexpected - I think, partly because of that language - one sailed through the story you told and had no time to expect anything different.

Unusual to see "Cathay" used - always sounds better than tea cups.

I don't know if the expert form and meter folk wish to change things but, for my money (which is zilch, I'm afraid) I wouldn't like to see you change anything.

This is most certainly a poem - but I can imagine it being employed to a large degree as lyrics, too. It really has that musical feeling for me.

Anyway, your simple soul critic here really appreciates this, thanks Mummy.

J.

[Guest__*]

What ho James!

I have only just caught on to the bold type. It's all a matter of colour schemes I suppose.

Thank you for your gentle comments. It's always a big thing to post your first in a strange forum. One never quite knows what to expect.

Alan has his teacups. He doesn't like Earl Grey, so presumably he uses China tea. Or maybe not.  Purely by coincidence, Cathay is the ancient name for China.

Inscrutably

A.

[Michelle]

Ohh Great One,

This is indeed a meditative piece.
Your musing brings the ancients
to life in our minds.

Interesting 10/9 syllabic lines
maintaining xaxaxbxbxcxcdede  - where 'x' is nonrhyming




Where the whispering sands of the desert
meet the clouds hanging over the Nile;
Where the sun sitting on the horizon
sees the Sphinx’s inscrutable smile.
It is there that I know where my heart is,
sheltered safe from the cold winter’s blast
and I ponder in mellow seclusion.
on those comrades I knew in the past.
There were heroes from golden Helena>>>suggest 'They were'
and the pirates of old Mandalay.
There were satraps who reigned over Persia, >>>again "They were"
while the Emperors ruled in Cathay.
They meander through my meditation
as the Tiber stood guard over Rome.
An adventure in imagination
safe and sound in my armchair at home.>>>'safe and sound' seems a bit hackneyed compared to rest - intentional perhaps?


This is a splendid poem, worthy of your magnificence.

Nice writing A.


Michelle

[Guest_Pygmalion_*]

hi A,

i so very much like this poem.  it's flows very nicely and takes my mind on a really pleasurable trip in MY chair!

only one little nit:

sheltered safe from the cold winter’s blast
and I ponder in mellow seclusion. i think your period here is maybe a typo as the sentence does not end till the next line
on those comrades I knew in the past.

good job!

deb

[Cybele]

BOLD BY SPECIAL REQUEST FOR JAMES

Hi Akh O great one   (okay we all give in, what is your real name?)   ???

Where the whispering sands of the desert
meet the clouds hanging over the Nile;
Where the sun sitting on the horizon
sees the Sphinx’s inscrutable smile.
It is there that I know where my heart is,
sheltered safe from the cold winter’s blast
and I ponder in mellow seclusion.
on those comrades I knew in the past.
There were heroes from golden Helena
and the pirates of old Mandalay.
There were satraps who reigned over Persia,
while the Emperors ruled in Cathay.
They meander through my meditation
as the Tiber stood guard over Rome.
An adventure in imagination
safe and sound in my armchair at home.


This reminds me of those great monologues given by Music Hall artists - not that I am old enough to remember them, you understand It has a lovely easy pace to it which makes it a pleasure to read.

I just think your last two lines could do with a little tweaking Akh, to carry on the flowing style of the piece, and/or maybe you could make them a separate stanza to make the point. Very enjoyable nonetheless

Love

Grace

P.S  Won't be back for a week Akh. Off to Carmarthen for a short break.
Be good and I'll bring you back a Leek (although I suspect that would be taking coals to Newcastle)  

[Guest_Jox_*]

How Graceful of you, Cybele. Thank you. J.

Coals to Newcastle Emlyn, was that Grace?

[Guest__*]

Greetings Fellow Members.  

Sorry I was so long getting back to you. I broke a strap on my sandal.
I shall probably cut off the Royal Shoemaker's head. Just can't get the staff nowadays. Whatever happened to the days when one gave a chap a couple of oxen and a bit of a plough and he would come back offering bushels of wheat and other goodies.


Hello Michelle, I looked at your suggestion. It fits very well with those Greek chappies, but the following  line seems to leave the old Chinese emperors hanging about twiddling. Presuming of course, they did twiddle.

[b]They were heroes from golden Helena>>>suggest 'They were'
and the pirates of old Mandalay.
They were satraps who reigned over Persia, >>>again "They were"
while the Emperors ruled in Cathay.

I'll go and have a twiddle myself and think about it.
(They can't touch you for it, you know? Twiddling I mean) :costume:

Hi Debs.
How are you my little fractured angel. I hope all is well. The Royal House blesses you with health, long life and happiness.
I see that little nit.
Indeed a typo.
In truth, I wrote this poem on the fly, sitting here in the sand while I pondered on the mysteries of modern technology.
(That's sort of saying I didn't know where to post, and I couldn't really ask, being omnipotent and all, could I?)
I will fix that. In a Hotep.

Grace. You are visiting the Land of the Red Dragon?
Cymru am Byth.

If I broke my silence and revealed my identity, I would invoke the Mummy of Karnak who would drag me back home again. That sarcophagus is awfully draughty. Haven't you ever watched the movies?
Any way, I always wanted to mess about with a pseudonym. I can make even more of a silly ass of myself than usual. And no one will ever know.     Ho! Ho!    
Your devoted servant.
Nosmo King.
(That'll set a few American heads scratching eh?)

Nos da James. It seems that one or two became alarmed and distressed at our British banter. We must confine ourselves to talking a load of old cobblers by email.  


A

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Mummy,

Maybe so but I enjoy talking about shoemakers everywhere. It's good for the sole! (And sandal straps, I believe).

I am extremely pleased that you have given up the Royal Cigars - and I know that His Majesty, King Nosmo, will be equally puffed chuffed.

And agreed... As, indeed, the rugger in Aus land today proved,

Cymru am Byth!

[Arnfinn]

Hey!

This is polished..........as bright and shiney as the gold in old Tuts Tomb.

The syllabic structure and meter make the poem hum like a fez on a pharoah.

 :read:  :read:  :read:  :read:


 :pharoah:  :pharoah:

Better go and have another cuppa........and write anotherieeee.



Regards,

Arnie  :troy:

[Guest__*]

Why thank you Arnie.

I appreciate the compliments.

Is that tea you're drinking?

Truly, truly, as Paul Revere was wont to shout

The British are coming ! The British are coming !

So good they named us twice. :costume:

A