Looking At Life, This Time Options

[Guest_MikeKuss_*]

Looking At Life, This Time


A warm fire soothes the chilled room
While the cold looks elsewhere for the night.
Children can be heard singing silently to
themselves, while strains of wind whistle by.
People rush to and fro not knowing where
they are bound.
Trying to distance themsleves from the past,
the present and their future.

Swoosh, a city bus rumbles by heading for
the end of the line. He wants to get back
downtown before it's gone.
Honk, the endless scream of cars trying to
jockey for positions in the senseless scheme
called traffic.
"There's one!" someone cries from a car window.
"Yes, I see it too!" someone says from the sidewalk.
All heads turn and traffic begins to halt
as the interest makes it's presence known.

Several birds dart off into the night,
afraid of what will come.
Several children begin to cry,
not knowing why everything became silent.
Devout Christian women cross their breasts
and whisper silent prayers while watching
intently. Waiting. Hoping.

Man has faced this night before. Something is
different though. Answers to previous questions
will be answered this evening. But when?
Soon.
Night surrounds the city, engulfing it in its
beauty, its mystery. Holding on tightly to the
secret and giving away nothing.

The sudden silence is disturbed by a shrill cry.
It's a piercing tone that causes hands to cover ears
in horror.
People stop, dead in their tracks, not knowing what
to do or what to expect. Horror, waiting for the horror.
What was once seen, is now gone. The hand of the
woman in the car returns to its original place, no
longer pointing at its prey.

Silence. No wind, no mystery, no hope. The single
feeling that something is about to happen penetrates
the entire population. They stand and wait. They hope.
Silence. No wind, no mystery, no hope this time. That
single feeling of fear is gripping the entire population
as they stand and wait.

An old man sits on a park bench waiting just like
everyone else. He searches the darkened sky for some
sign, some hope. Nothing comes his way.
A blind woman is wailing that this is the end of
the world, her world. Someone curses at her and she
turns silent, frozen in terror. Terror in her world.

One man refuses to stand still in the dark. He begins
to move and makes his way to the subway station.
People stare at him with an unusual sense of awe.
They understand his desire for movement, but they
don't join him. They watch in silence. They hope.

As he approaches the station, a small boy allows
his eyes to meet those of the man. The child smiles
as the man walks by. He loosens his hand from his
mother's and tries to walk with the man. His heart
wants to move, but his feet refuse. He waits and hopes.

Suddenly, the sky begins to change causing everyone
to look up except the man walking to the station.
Again, a shrill cry can be heard over the city but no
one cares much about it. They hear it, they understand
it. They wait. They hope.

Within a microsecond the sky turns to a soft blue.
Clouds can be seen in the distance. Birds are aloft
circling over the city chattering to and fro with
each other. The people hear this but they remain
silent and fixed. The wait and hope.

Honk, honk. A bus in the distance is heading for
the end of the line, looking for the way back to
downtown. The bus driver looks lost...empty.
As he rounds the corner, he opens the door to
his customers and says, "No customers are ever
turned away. Hell, we even take credit cards."
The little boy hears this and begins to laugh.
His laughter breaks the thought-patterns of
those around him as they awaken to life.

Yes, city life can be strange at times and people
can easily get caught up in the rat-race of others.
A small child laughs or scoffs at life and is able
to change its perception, its goal, its jaiole.
Life, being charged on a credit card, what an
interesting concept. Something so simple that
even a child can understand it, accept it and yet,
challenge it. Thus the cycle continues...again.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Mike,

I'm locking this post until you've met the forum rule (with your first post I moved here yesterday):

Each member may post a new work every two days (no more than that, please) providing they then post one critique to anothers' work in this "Stonehenge" forum. The 1:2:1 rule applies here.

Thanks so much!
Lori

[Cleo_Serapis]

This topic is now open for commentary.

Thanks Mike!
~Cleo

[Peterpan]

Hi Mike~

I just wanted to say I was here. This is quite an epic. I like the content and your ideas. I also like your format.

One comment: You have used cliches - rat race and jockeying for postition. Perhaps you can use substitutes? Or of course if you want the cliches and they are in keeping with your theme - I understand. I just thought with your great content you could use other descriptions.

I will be back with more comments.

Are you new? Welcome to MM!

Peterpan

[Guest_MikeKuss_*]

Hi Peter(pan):
Thanks for the criticism. I think I would leave this as is with all the cliches in it. They seem to fit the mood of the piece. Unfortunately, when I write something I make very few changes to it. I write when I am stressed out, and whatever comes out of me is what I have. I can't explain it any clearer than that. Once I've written something (that derives from whatever is stressing me), I don't look at it for a week or two. I go back and try to figure out "what caused this?" Haha. Sometimes I know, sometimes I haven't a clue. Oh well, go figure.
Thanks again for the criticism. I appreciate it. I might look this one over and see what could be changed. See ya!

[Peterpan]

Hello Mike~

I suspected that you wanted the cliches - and I was right. Cliches lend themselves to a 'view of society'. I understand your way of writing. I often write when I am emotional about something. The words NEED to come out. Even if the emotion is in sympathy for somebody else.

I look forward to more of your stories.

Bev