One Tree Island, In your neck of woods, Arnie mate! Options

[Guest_Tao_*]

One Tree Island

Standing on the rim
of One Tree Island,
there’s more than one tree
on this highland.

Swimming in air,
ankles down under,
a surge could easily
wash one from earth
out to the blue divine
where killer queens of Queensland
cruise in time,

not in the hyaline
but far from land,
east of Heron isle
and Gladstone’s sand,
in Capricorn Bunker,
heart of the protector,
great Neptune’s Barrier,

not rocks underneath
but just as vigorous,
a million and one generations
of coral reef,
in as many primal formations
of virgin birth
in creation and mirth.

Walking treetop of crescent
underwater forest,
whose residents choose
dazzling colors
superfluous - in brilliant waters,
if not for each other and us,
then who?

Standing on the rim
of One Tree Island,
there’s more than one tree
on this highland.

One Tree Island is located in Australia's Great Barrier Reef. When tides allow, one can walk on water there! Thanks Fog, for the wrapper suggestion, much more balanced now.

[heartsong7]

A marvelously majestic start for this fascinating Freeverse. I'm new to FV and am not sure how far poetic license can go...but it seems to me you have some incomplete sentences in S 2,3 and 4.
for instance there is no subject in S2's first sentence.
In S3 one possible fix could start:
"No rocks rest underneath
but just as vigorous..."

You imagery is excellent.
I esp like:

swimming in air

where killer queens of Queensland

of virgin birth
in creation and mirth.

You maintain a good flow throughout and
I do enjoy the little doses of rhyme.

A little tweaking and it will really shine.

Sue

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hello Sue,

Thanks for gettting this thread started. Duh! Would you believe I never noticed the punctuation? Caught in the moment, I was too busy describing the 360 around my imaginary perch in the Pacific.

I've done a quick fix. There is now one, long description of the place, a question, then a statement. Goes with the fv and mood.

Free verse is wild! It might have been more acceptable if I left punctuations out all together, but I wouldn't go that far...on this one.

Glad you liked it and sorry to trip you with fragments...

David

[Ephiny]

Hi David

Wow..what a marvellous tribute to a beautiful place..your wonder and admiration for the island are conveyed beautifully.  I felt like I was looking at many different scenes and images of this place

I always love the use of names of places in poems like this..it makes it all so real.

underwater forest,
whose residents choose
dazzling colors
superfluous - in brilliant waters,
if not for each other and us,
then who?

Really loved those lines..just what I'd picture under water to look like!

Loved the last lines as well.  

Is this where your ship is headed now?  If so, I think I'll brave the seasickness and come along if that's ok   Pints are on me!

[Guest_Tao_*]

Well Hello Lucie,

It’s always a joy to detect your presence, like a ray of runaway sunshine on those Irish rollers. You can come onboard this dinghy anytime, no pints required! Somehow, I can't swing the cursive bat around these days without hitting water - the ocean that is. O, but I love her so…

It’s a real place and the landmarks are straight from a map. Unfortunately, that’s as close as I got to the island. Never been there, but I’ve seen pictures! There’s a marine biology lab on it run by the University of Sidney and nature film crews frequent the place. It’s surreal watching them walk on the reef just below surface with no land in sight. To think, a thousand-foot drop if one walks off the edge!

I know they give you airsickness bags on commercial planes. Do seasickness bags come on dinghies? Well, have no fear, there’s smooth sailing where we’re going…slow and easy.

David

[Guest_songbird_*]

Heya!  [yay for free-verse!]  Hah hah.  :)

*not rocks underneath
but just as vigorous,
a million and one generations
of coral reef,
in as many primal formations
of virgin birth
in creation and mirth.*

I liked that description very much.  

The description of the land marks didn't mean much to me, but the way you incorporated them was very poetic and appropriate.  I think poems and stories that contain real places and people are so great, because the people who do know those places or people can relate so intimately with the author.

Cheers!
--Songbird
PS: Lets keep the nautical/water themes comin'  

[Guest_Tao_*]

Heya Back Songbird,

Thanks for stopping by and your kind remarks. Writing about real places can be fun, especially when not many folks know about the place - when reality and fantasy can blur. I wonder how many Down Under even know the island by name? Arnie and others will have to answer that; Arnfinn hails from Australia.

I don't care if verse is free or locked up, just make me feel, babe! But hey, to each her own, which is fine with me any style.  

When it comes to nautical themes, I have no problem staying wet. If I only wrote by pure volume alone - this is a water planet after all!

Keep humming your tunes, Songbird. Did you know there's a Fleetwood Mac song by that name? :)

David

[Guest_songbird_*]

I didn't know they had a song called songbird.  Cool.    Cheers!

[Guest_Tao_*]

Lucie,

p.s. This one was heavily influenced by U2's One Tree Hill, and best read when it plays in the background...David :)

[Guest_Zeus˛_*]

David,
one of the few places I missed, just close enough to listen to their local
radio stations at sea.

The reef is a fragile place, and you did with care, give us an elegant if not delicate picture of it's beauty.
Nicely done.
Larry

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hi Larr,

Glad you approve. Well, I was never the delicate type, but thank you for your elegant remark. I'd like to see the Reef in person one day.

Since you were stationed in Oahu, I'd venture to guess that you were with the 7th Fleet? If you were, I'm just shocked that you never stopped in Australia, must be one of its regular ports of call.

My neighbor, a gentleman also named Larry, who I share a hill with now, his family hilltop and mine only half way up, was in the 7th and stationed in Oahu in the 60's. We've had a barbecue and shot some pool. PM me if you're interested, I'll help you exchange email addresses so you'll have another sailor to chat with.

My theory is that fish of a scale school together? :)

I got a question: why Zeus and not Neptune? Okay, Zeus' got more juice - it's rhetorical.  

David

[Jim AKA Rapid-Fi...]

Your descriptive verse here is so inviting that I brought along my SCUBA gear to go check out the beauty of the coral reefs below.  Wait a minute,  I think I just spotted the mast of an old ship...............  :cheer:

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hi Jim,

Thanks for stopping by. Ahoy, vintage WWII vessel found!

Now, there's a fitting avatar, one who shoots even quicker than Rapid-Fire.

David

[Jim AKA Rapid-Fi...]

Hope there's some hidden treasure aboard.............

[Arnfinn]

How's it goin Dave?

Ah yes, banana benders land. The water is always clear up on the reef. If you start peeping through the bottom of the glass b boats that go bobbin around the reef, it's just like looking at tv only better. You can get the feel of the ocean in your poem and the sunlight          . Good trip iffn you can afford, is to sail around the reef on a yacht, n' drop in at all the cities n villiages on the coastline.

Makin me a bit restless Dave, still Winter on the South Coast. Must get up to the tropics.

Worth the visit. :)



Arnie    

 

[Ephiny]

Hi David :)

Wow, a fellow U2 fan!!!

I always have music playing when writing as well!

Still really enjoying this excellent poem!

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hi Arnie,

Thanks for visiting, ya double pirate. So glad I finally had the reel Aussie verify this. Never bin there, ya no, wood like to, luv to sail around the Great Barrier - TV, only better? Ya dun say! Now, them fishes and fallen boats, that'd qualify more as reality TV to me. :pharoah2

Sorry to make you restless. It's not me, it's the ocean - she calls! There's a bit of true Viking pirate in ya. One day, I'd like to go sailing, heck, anywhere warm!

Thanks for finding the banana bender, at last.

David

[Guest_Tao_*]

Ahoy Lassie,

U2 - U too? Aye, a big U2 fan I am. You'd recall in my reply to your Solstice, which I still love dearly btw, I mentioned The Joshua Tree - one of their albums. T'was no accident! That Bono, he writes poetry ya know, and then sings it like poetry? Which songs are your favorites?

David