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haiku, haiku |
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Apr 16 13, 13:04
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 79
Joined: 20-November 06
From: Bella Vista, Arkansas
Member No.: 355
Real Name: Norman D Gutter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Elizabeth DiBenedetto
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hawk on a wire braced against northerly gusts early spring noon walk
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For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. MM Award Winner
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Apr 16 13, 13:39
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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Hey there Dave,
Goodness it feels like home again. As you already know I am Haiku-challenged - but I know beautiful images when I see them.
Your painted snapshot, draws a very clear picture of life in motion, and the changes that are indicated by the spring/the northerly gusts and noon walk.
This paints for me a time to get out and walk, breathing new life - while highlighted with the gray of northerly gusts, (passing winter) ... the contrasts of the early spring.
Always wonderful to read your works,
Big hugs, Liz
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Apr 16 13, 14:17
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
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Why hello Dave. Nice to read your poetry again! I'm not expert with Haiku but I did want to offer a suggestion for L3 (the kigo): I understand that a season can be implied - so perhaps you could restate someting about Spring without using that word? Maybe something observed only in Spring during the walk (blossoms of some kind)? Food for thought! Enjoyed the read, ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Apr 16 13, 14:24
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hi Norman It's so good to see you posting here - and a haiku is a real treat. I love the images you have created - I can imagine it being a spring walk here in UK. I am no great expert in haiku, but do agree with Lori's suggestion, that perhaps spring could be suggested rather than mentioned. Just a thought for you to consider. Hope to see more of your wonderful work. Snow
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Apr 16 13, 17:49
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 399
Joined: 11-April 13
From: Australia - The great Southern Land
Member No.: 5,178
Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn
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Beautiful image Norman - you have painted the picture perfectly
Cheers
Maureen
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Apr 16 13, 20:50
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,651
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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A lovely painting, Dave! It's SOOOO encouraging to have you return here... for a 'noon walk on blossoms' (perhaps?) ... scattered there by the gusts. deLighting in the brisk Light, Daniel
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Apr 17 13, 23:46
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 79
Joined: 20-November 06
From: Bella Vista, Arkansas
Member No.: 355
Real Name: Norman D Gutter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Elizabeth DiBenedetto
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Thanks everyone for reading and commenting on my haiku. I'll look into what you suggest, Lori, and what Snow and Daniel agree with.
NDG
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For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. MM Award Winner
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Apr 18 13, 01:21
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Ornate Oracle
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 8,926
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
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Hi Norman,
Haikus show so much in 3 lines. I love them, probably because I tend to be lengthy.
Yours is lovely. I agree with the others about not mentioning the season, although it's not strictly applied by all.
My small nit is in L3. At first read it seemed contradictory, as 'early' bumped against 'noon' further on. I imagined a walk at dawn, had to re-arrange my thoughts. It's probably 'spring' that gets in the way.
As usual, TorT!!
Cheers, Psyche aka Syl***
QUOTE (Norman D Gutter @ Apr 16 13, 20:04 ) hawk on a wire braced against northerly gusts early spring noon walk
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Mis temas favoritos The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!MM Award Winner
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