|
|
|
Heralds of Springtime (Rev 2/New Title 14 Apr 2009), haiku |
|
|
|
Mar 28 09, 19:20
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Heralds of Springtime (Revision 2)
Pear blossom petals dapple young sprouting grasses, heralds of springtime.
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
Classic Spring Heralds (Revision 1)
Pear blossom petals dapple young sprouting grasses, classic spring heralds.
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
The Heralds of Spring (Original)
Pear blossom petals dapple young sprouting grasses, the heralds of spring.
Peggy Carpenter Harwood
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 30 09, 03:22
|
Creative Chieftain
Group: Centurion
Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
|
G'day Peg,
The Heralds of Spring
Pear blossom petals dapple young sprouting grasses, the heralds of spring. >>>> Dunno Peg. How about; 'a herald of Spring.'
Just me old Aussie view. Our spring, springs when everyone else's has sprung Then again, June is bustin out all over. She's a BIG girl.
I'mmmmmmmmmmmm off.
John
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 30 09, 07:10
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Hi John,
It's interesting that you also thought of making "heralds" singular. I wondered about that myself! I'm still pondering it!
That's right! Is it fall in Australia now?
Good to hear from you!!! Thanks for reading and pondering!!
Peggy
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 2 09, 04:36
|
Creative Chieftain
Group: Centurion
Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
|
Yeah, Peg. Autumn is falling all over the place. What do ya think. John
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
Guest_ohsteve_*
|
Apr 2 09, 11:27
|
Guest
|
Peggy, I understand why John might have wanted it change to singular but "petals, and grasses are plural and I feel 'heralds' should be plural too... don't know... I am not an english major...lol
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 3 09, 12:35
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Hi Steve,
Thanks for reading and your comment. You are right: "Heralds" does need to be plural because "petals" and "grasses" are plural. Thanks!
Peggy
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 3 09, 17:51
|
Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
|
Hi Peggy, A lovely image! I would suggest substituting 'the' in L3 with a descriptive word like 'stark' or 'bright' - something along those lines and also a semi-colon after grasses. Enjoyed the read, ~Cleo
······· ·······
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 3 09, 19:00
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Hi Cleo,
Thank you for reading, commenting, and the suggestion of a one-syllable descriptive word!! I'll get out the thesaurus as well as give it some thought. Can't use the semi-colon though. The last line functions as an appositive and should be separated from the rest of the sentence with a comma.
Peggy
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 4 09, 07:42
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Hi folks,
Is the revision any better?
Peggy
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 4 09, 07:50
|
Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
|
Hi Peggy, This one is getting there! Not sure about 'classic' though. Here are a few other options for your consideration: Heralds of springtide or Heralds of seedtime Cheers ~Cleo
······· ·······
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 6 09, 19:00
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Hi Cleo and Ace,
Thank you both so much for dropping in!! Much appreciated!! Right now I'm putting this poem on hold to think about it for a bit. Maybe something will come to me, as I'm not sure if it's finished or not. Thanks again for your comments!!
Peggy
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 14 09, 06:21
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Hi again folks,
I've changed the title again and the last line. What do you think?
Peggy
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 14 09, 07:20
|
Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
|
Peggy, Yeserie, I think this one is ready for the 'done' file. Beautiful! ~Cleo
······· ·······
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 21 09, 10:39
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in
|
Hi Cleo,
Thanks so much for sticking with me on this!!
Peggy
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Read our FLYERS - click below
Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning
your writings. ENJOY!
|
|
|
|