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Tranquility, Another Sonnet |
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Aug 16 03, 16:33
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Tranquillity (Is this the calm before the Storm?)
As hands that calm caress my soul with peace, a hazy light emerges through the mist to heal my heart. My angry troubles cease; as sun bursts out, I feel my life’s been kissed.
My spirit soars as birds erupt in song, my brow, like furrowed field, is soothed. I feel a breeze, that fans the glow, to make me strong; I am complete. Existence seems surreal.
Now nature stirs with hope, I’m intertwined with life, as respite’s blanket keeps me warm. The dark of night has gone, I can unwind; as calm surrounds, I do not fear the storm.
Yes gusty winds have stilled, the sky is flush with heat, my spirit feels a tranquil hush.
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Guest__*
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Aug 16 03, 16:46
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Guest
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A lot of nuances flying around with this one........I get the feeling, tho, that it can use a bit more focus
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Guest__*
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Aug 18 03, 01:24
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Guest
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Dear Eisa
Interesting thoughts. I've dares to amend your puncs, to improve the flow by adding and removing various commas, and I offer a suggestion for your last 2 lines, which I realise amends what you said. But I'm hoping that what you said was not quite what you meant LOL ? Take anything you like, waste the rest.
Love Alan
Tranquillity - the calm* before the Storm?
As hands that calm* caress my soul with peace, a hazy light emerges through the mist,* to heal my heart. My angry troubles cease; as sun bursts forth*, I feel my life’s been kissed.
My spirit soars, as birds erupt in song,* My brow, like furrowed field*, is soothed. I feel a breeze, that fans the glow, to make me strong,* I am complete. Existence seems surreal.
Now nature stirs with hope, I’m intertwined with life,* and respite’s blanket keeps me warm,* The dark of night has gone, I can unwind; no calm is this, which comes before a storm. ***
Yes,* gusty winds have stilled, the sky is flush with heat, my spirit feels a tranquil hush.
Without edit marks :
Tranquillity - the calm before the Storm?
As hands that calm caress my soul with peace, a hazy light emerges through the mist, to heal my heart. My angry troubles cease; as sun bursts forth, I feel my life’s been kissed.
My spirit soars, as birds erupt in song, My brow, like furrowed field, is soothed. I feel a breeze, that fans the glow, to make me strong, I am complete. Existence seems surreal.
Now nature stirs with hope, I’m intertwined with life, and respite’s blanket keeps me warm, The dark of night has gone, I can unwind; no calm is this, which comes before a storm.
Yes, gusty winds have stilled, the sky is flush with heat, my spirit feels a tranquil hush.
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