Too Late, from Pandora's May Challenge Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

Too Late (revised, thanks Dan, Cathy, James)

When shadows
first dimmed my horizon;
when seasons of change
marched with jackboots of hate:
I should have listened.

Instead…
lost
in a fog of denial;
cosseted
by clouds of illusion;
I stayed.

Misguided
faith in humanity
wrote my death warrant:
life boxed into
a dark, airless
cattle truck.

Hope defeated
by fear’s wall:
I travel too late.

copyright Nina 2006



Too Late (original)

When shadows
first dimmed my horizon;
when seasons of change
marched with jackboots and hate;
I should have listened.

Instead…
lost in a fog of denial;
cosseted by clouds of illusion;
I stayed.

Misguided faith in humanity
secured my death warrant;
boxed life into
a dark, airless cattle truck.

With hope defeated
by fear’s wall
I travel too late -
on a journey to Hell.

copyright Nina 2006

Nina

[Ephiny]

Hello Nina,

I think this is a beautifully written poem, very sad..the tone of somebody who has lost faith and hope. I hope I am not too much off the mark but I'm imagining someone in the midst of conflict and war, who did not escape when perhaps they had the chance, believing that help and peace would come and that everything would be ok,
"cosseted by clouds of illusion;" (great line) and who are now being taken prisoner or taken far from home..for some reason, the Jews and other people persecuted during the second world war keep coming into my head, maybe because I watched "Downfall" the other night.

Misguided faith in humanity
secured my death warrant;
boxed life into
a dark, airless cattle truck.

This image says it all really..and I also love "jackboots and hate"..they set the tone and atmosphere and let the reader's imagination take over.

This is very powerful and a great read..thank you

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Lucie

I think this is a beautifully written poem, very sad..the tone of somebody who has lost faith and hope. I hope I am not too much off the mark but I'm imagining someone in the midst of conflict and war, who did not escape when perhaps they had the chance, believing that help and peace would come and that everything would be ok,
"cosseted by clouds of illusion;" (great line) and who are now being taken prisoner or taken far from home..for some reason, the Jews and other people persecuted during the second world war keep coming into my head, maybe because I watched "Downfall" the other night.

thank you very much. You are spot on with your interpretation. It was centred around the Holocaust and those who "buried their heads in the sand" about what was happening,not seeing the truth, not realising that the cattle trucks were going to the death camps and so left it too late to escape

Misguided faith in humanity
secured my death warrant;
boxed life into
a dark, airless cattle truck.

This image says it all really..and I also love "jackboots and hate"..they set the tone and atmosphere and let the reader's imagination take over.


This is very powerful and a great read..thank you

Thank you very much.

Nina

[moon_shadow'...]

Hey Nina,

A very, very powerful answer to a challenge. Each stanza really built off the previous one until you're nearly wrung out at the end. Which is why I personally think this would end a bit more powerfully if you dropped the last line completely, thus:

With hope defeated
by fear’s wall
I travel too late -

Letting the reader's imagination finish this on their own would really have an impact, IMO.

Of course, I've been told I'm a nut, too. Just a suggestion, of course.

Well done,

Dan

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dan

A very, very powerful answer to a challenge. Each stanza really built off the previous one until you're nearly wrung out at the end. Which is why I personally think this would end a bit more powerfully if you dropped the last line completely, thus:

With hope defeated
by fear’s wall
I travel too late -

Letting the reader's imagination finish this on their own would really have an impact, IMO.

Thanks very much indeed. I think you are right about the last line. I will change it when I revise.

cheers

Nina

[Siren]

Dear Nina,

To trust so blindingly is the biggest betrayal of onself. This touched me deeply, though I do believe if one does wake up from that misguidedness it will never be too late until one breathes no more.

Hugs
Dani

[JustDaniel]

An excellent and astute reflection on the Holocaust, Nina. You put yourself right in the cattle cars, taking us with you.

appreciating your Light, Daniel

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dani

To trust so blindingly is the biggest betrayal of onself. This touched me deeply, though I do believe if one does wake up from that misguidedness it will never be too late until one breathes no more.

That is true but with the gas chambers being the final destination and choice taken away it must have been very hard to keep hope alive.

thanks for reading and commenting.

Nina



Hi Daniel

An excellent and astute reflection on the Holocaust, Nina. You put yourself right in the cattle cars, taking us with you.

thank you very much

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

A very gripping read, full of regret and sadness. You make it easy to understand how they must have felt.

When shadows
first dimmed my horizon{;}[...]
{when} seasons of change
marched with jackboots and hate;
I should have listened.

Instead…
lost in a fog of denial;
cosseted by clouds of illusion;
I stayed.

Misguided faith in humanity
secured my death warrant;
boxed life into
a dark, airless cattle truck.

With hope defeated
by fear’s wall
I travel too late -
on a journey to Hell. I agree with omitting this line. I think it gives a stronger finish.

Cathy

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

A very gripping read, full of regret and sadness. You make it easy to understand how they must have felt.

Thank you so much.

Thanks also for the suggestions. I will lose that last line when I revise.

When shadows
first dimmed my horizon{;}[...]
{when} seasons of change
marched with jackboots and hate;
I should have listened.

removing the second "When" changes the meaning slightly and I feels lessens the impact of "I should have listened"

Thanks for reading and commenting

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Too Late

When shadows
first dimmed my horizon;
when seasons of change
marched with jackboots {and}[of] hate{;}[... or :]
I should have listened.

(I know jackboots cannot have thoughts and I don't mean that. I mean that the jackboots represent hate and that they move with hate (as propelled by their wearers).

====================

Instead…
lost in a fog of denial;
cosseted by clouds of illusion; (great line)
I stayed.

(stayed is not an alternative to "should have listened")

Suggestion:

Instead...
lost
in a fog of denial;
cosseted
by clouds of illusion;
I ignored.

=====================

Misguided faith in humanity
{secured}[wrote] my death warrant{;}[:]
{boxed life}[life boxed] into
a dark, airless cattle truck.

Thus: (plus other sugggestions)

Misguided
faith in humanity
wrote my death warrant:
life boxed into
a dark, airless
cattle truck.

==================

{With} hope defeated
by fear’s wall[:]
I travel too late -
on a journey to Hell.

(I don't quite understand the ending, sorry. Why "too late"?)

A very powerful poem, Nina. Well done and thanks for the read.

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

Thanks for this

When shadows
first dimmed my horizon;
when seasons of change
marched with jackboots {and}[of] hate{;}[... or :]
I should have listened.

(I know jackboots cannot have thoughts and I don't mean that. I mean that the jackboots represent hate and that they move with hate (as propelled by their wearers).

Yes, I see what you mean and I'll give it some thought.

Instead…
lost in a fog of denial;
cosseted by clouds of illusion; (great line)
I stayed.

(stayed is not an alternative to "should have listened")

Suggestion:

Instead...
lost
in a fog of denial;
cosseted
by clouds of illusion;
I ignored.

Thanks, I'm pleased you like that line :)

I agree with the line changes.

I know stayed is not an alternative to "should have listened" but it is meant to be an alternative of what the narrator should have listened to - which is to escape from the Nazi threat when he/she had the chance to still do so; to flee to a different country like many others who saw "which way the wind was blowing" especially after "crystal nacht" in November 1938. Some however, even though they had the chance to escape, chose for whatever reason to stay and subsequently ended up in the concentration camps.

Misguided
faith in humanity
wrote my death warrant:
life boxed into
a dark, airless
cattle truck.

Thanks, I like the suggestions.

{With} hope defeated
by fear’s wall[:]
I travel too late -
on a journey to Hell.

(I don't quite understand the ending, sorry. Why "too late"?)

Those who decided not to travel to safety because they didn't want to leave their homes and families (or whatever reason) were eventually forced to travel anyway, only not through choice and not to safety. Their travelling was undertaken too late to save their lives.

I hope that helps explain.

Nina

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Revision posted, thanks everyone.

Nina

[Guest_Billydo_*]

Hi Nina

Telling poem this ... very powerful indeed. I especially enjoyed (right word?) the last line.

Wallop!

Cheers

Mike

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Thanks for your helpful explanations.

Well done with your revision.

Good poem - well done.

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Thanks very much Mike. I'm pleased the last line comes across with a wallop.

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

Thanks muchly

:)

Nina

[moon_shadow'...]

Very, very nice, Nina!

The additional line breaks lend even more weight to this already powerful piece. The inversion of "life boxed" was also a nice touch.

Great revision,

Dan

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dan

Thanks very much.

:)

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Nina.

This is a very powerful poem that stands alone on its horrific message/imagery of the Holocaust. You have portrayed the emotion so well. Combine it with a times ten challenge and WOW!

There is only one idea I have for you (a great stanza too):

Misguided
faith in humanity
wrote my death warrant;
engraved as alternate for wrote.

Well done Nina.
~Cleo