Maidenhair, Bush Verse Options

[Arnfinn]

Maidenhair



The filly came down from Grafton
in the middle of the spring.
Brought her down to the big smoke,
in the hope of a fortune she’d bring.

She’d scorched the track at Lismore
and won by five at Maclean.
She was smart in the heavy going
and loved the mud and the rain.

Though, this is tough Sydney racing
where class and money abound.
Where scrubbers fall by the wayside,
where courage and ticker are found.

It dawned a grey race-day morning;
by nine it was bucketing down.
I was whistling a tune in the stable,
other trainers were wearing a frown.

At the start a whispered fine drizzle,
wept on the boggy racetrack.
She was quiet in her gate and ready
to fly, there’d be no holding back.
 
The bell rang, the gates flew open,
jockeys took hold of their mounts.
Quick slap on the rump, jump first:
for taking the lead is what counts.

Her hooves bit deep in the wet turf,
she cleared the rest in a bound.
Then hit the track down the middle,
where feet dug good solid ground.

By six lengths, she led at the corner
I knew the others were gone.
She was four in front at the furlong,
she had courage and guts to run on.

She turned her head as she passed me,
Oh, what a wonderful sight.
To lead all the way for nine furlongs,
A great win: a win by panels of light.

'You beeauty! You beauty! My darlin',
we came to the city an won.
A man down in Sydney from Grafton,
from Grafton, and that’s how it’s done.




Arnfinn

[JustDaniel]

Out the gate in a flash without stumble...
only run-ons a-here and a-there.
Semi-colons will help ya; they're humble.
You c'n halter 'em most anywhere!

Hey, Arne... I like this, though the meter varies a bit and your use of CAPS is a bit inconsistent too.

One stanza (S4) in particular I'd suggest:

She was quiet in her gate and ready
to fly; there’d be no holding back.

I have never gone to that track, except as a child once or twice at our Western Washington State Fair in Puyallup, WA... I think with my dad.  I only have a hazy memory of it.

Lightly dashin', Daniel

[Guest_Brahms_*]

Arnfinn, good skilled simple reading for
these appreciative eyes.

Stephen

[Cybele]

Cor strewth Arn!!    :dance:

Ya got me so excited there I pretty near chewed up me betting slip - and I was on Maidenhair to win!

What a romp!  Me mate grabbed the bins while I was still wearing 'em and nearly choked the lights outta me!!  

What say we share the loot and find that pub, only this time we can go in and have a proper quaff, fair dinkum? Fish 'n chips to follow. Great day out mate. No nits, I enjoyed meself too much.

Love

Grace

[JustDaniel]

Man! Wishin' I could speak the language like you two!  I just finished watching the movie "A Place to Call Home" an' I'm feelin' a bit sheepish, mates!
grittin' Lightly, Daniel  

P.S.  By the way, is this a collaboration piece?

[Arnfinn]

Ha, Daniel my friend, made a few edits. T'ank you.


Yeah, the filly changes stride a couple o times. Mate, she was only having a bit of blow to save her energy. :pharoah2

My horse, my horse, for a kingdom.


Arnie  :troy:  :farmer:

[Arnfinn]

Hi Stephen,

Your always strumming ya guitar on the range, aint ya mate. While rounden-up those little dogies, yodelayee, yodelayee, yodelaaaheee. Slap ya moke on the rump and ride up into the timber. I thought you would appreciate a bit of equine hoofprints thunderin across the S4 paddock.

Thanks mate.



Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrne  :troy:  :troy:

[Arnfinn]

How are ya Grace?


Hey, ya got to be careful, once ya chew the nunbers off ya bookie's ticket the bludgers wont pay ya. What do you mean share the loot at the pub. We'll buy the pub. Cleaned up a bundle, made enough to choke a wombat. Fish n' Chips sounds fine, followed by half a dozen 'brut' VB lager.


I couldn't find any nits either, used a currie comb.


Arnie  :troy:  :farmer:

[Arnfinn]

Back again Daniel?


Nah, Grace and I dont get inta any of that treason stuff. Grace is a good cobber, she spent some time downunder and speaks real English. Mate, I might have seen that picture, was Lassie in it? Hey hang on, your from New York, US aren't you? Yet you write very good English.

Good for you to drop back in to say hello.



Arnie  :troy:  :indianchief:

[Guest_Tao_*]

Aye Arnie,

It's always a joy to read your scribbling, uh, masterpieces. Love that Kuala flavored wit! Haven’t missed any of your postings yet, have I? And now I know what’s a bush verse!

This be a four-footed, flood-footed, lighthearted, down pouring, downtrodden trot to the finish line. I think the meter very fit for a runaway gallop! I bounced silly with thy filly!

"You beeauty! You beauty! My darlin,"
are you sure the maiden is a horse?
Think I've used that same line on bi-peds,
but the beasts ran faster than thoroughbreds!

If I'd only made enough to choke a wombat...

David

[jgdittier]

Dear All,
Anyone know of a book comparing English, aussie english and american english idioms?
Your picturesque language is the cat's meow.
Cheers,    jgd

[JustDaniel]

Hey, Arne!  

Gait much improved and natural.  S9 has c couple punctuation problems, methinks, but otherwise a wonderful description that puts a person into it. And not sure whether he let you know, but Del Livingston loved this one!

She turned her head as she passed me,    Maybe a period?
Oh, what a wonderful sight.                       Maybe an exclamation point
To lead all the way for nine furlongs,           Maybe em-dash?   then...
A great win: a win by panels of light.       perhaps a small a

limpin' Slightly, Daniel  :)

[Arnfinn]

Hi David,

I've met a few fast fillys in my younger days too, mate. Ya know back in the days when women didn't have legs they had ankles, so ya never knew how fast the could run.

David if you made enough money to choke a wombat. You wouldn't be writing poetry, you'd be a publisher. :blues:



Arnie  :troy:

[Arnfinn]

Hi J'

Only thing that comes to my mind is an Australian produced comic book. I'll tell you somethin jg, I hope I'm not like nextdoors tomcat, at 3am in the morning. He has about thirteen variations to his meow. But by various ways, I've whittled them down to about six. Get rid of the final six n' he should disappear.

Good ta hear from ya.


Regards,


Arnie  :knight:

[Arnfinn]

Hi Daniel,

Mate, this is the third visit! Must be your shout, make mine a schooner of VB.

Daniel me old cobber, your the perfectionist and I'm the blunderer. Love reading your poetry. Why! Because ya do everything correctly. Here I am sitting at my desk with my silver wireless mouse for company, and me silver n' black 'w' keyboard. I just thump them out, mate. Behind my computer, on the wall, are two bookshelves. Wait on I'll measure. The bottom shelve is 400 mm from my pudgy nose. Right!  I'll list the books on the bottom shelf.

A dictionary of Australian Colloquialisms (Wilks). Bloomsbury Dictionary of Quoatations. The Making of the Labor Party in New South Wales 1800 - 1900. The Penguin Crossword Dictionary.The Penguin Guide to Puctuation. Listen to the Warm, Rod McKuen. Our Australia Bush Ballads to Modern Visions. Miroslav Holub Selected Verse. Introduction to english poetry (James Fenton). The Penguin dictionary of Cliche`s. Designs in Poetry (Peterson). The Penguin  Thesaurus. The Penguin Rhyming Dictionary. The Penguin Dictionary of English Idioms. The Penguin English Dictionary. Form and Feeling (Hamilton & Livingston). The Penguin  Usage and Abusage. The Penguin Writers Manual. The Penguin Mind the Gaffe. The Penguin Dictionary of English Grammar. The Penguin Guide to Plain English. The Penguin  Complete Plain Words.  The Penguin Dictionary of Proverbs. The New Penguin Dictionary of Abbreviations. Roget's Thesaurus. The Penguin  Modern Humorous Quotations. The Penguin  Collected Poems of A.E Housman.  The Concise Oxford Dictionary of English Etymology. The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Proverbs. The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations. The Complete Poetry and Selected Prose of Keats (Modern Library College Edition) The Penguin  Spelling Dictionary.

:operagal: Mate, there's more penguins on the bottom Shelf than there is at the South Pole.  

The top shelf has.

The Penguin Dictionary of Australian Politics. A bee in your bonnet (R brasch). The Concise Oxford Dictionary. The Poetical Works of Henry Lawson. The Complete works of William Shakespeare. The Penguin book of Light Verse. The 101st Edition Of Pears Dictionary. The Readers Digest Oxford Complete Wordfinder. The Bundanon Cantos (Signed). The Penguin Good Australian Wine Guide. Seasons in the Sun (Rod McKuen. The Poets World (Reeve). Modern Poets (J.C. Squire). Poets of the 90's (Stanford). The Australian Prime Ministers. (Michelle Gratten)>. Adam Lindsay Gordon Favourites. Banjo Paterson A Childrens Treasury.

Mate, all these books are within a hands reach

Your dead right what ya say about me blunders. But I reckon I'm never going ta learn. I'll just keep poundin away with my hip mouse 'Charlie' peepen over my pinkey finger.

You've got it in your brain, I've got it at me eyeballs.

 


I love your company mate, and I 'm pleased ya feeling better.


Arnie  

[Guest_Tao_*]

Hi David,

I've met a few fast fillys in my younger days too, mate. Ya know back in the days when women didn't have legs they had ankles, so ya never knew how fast the could run.

Only ankles, refering to skirts are you? Come again?

David if you made enough money to choke a wombat. You wouldn't be writing poetry, you'd be a publisher. :blues:

Precisely! And bringing them to the big screen.

Arnie  

Anything wombat is better than no wombat!
David