No Bah Humbugs, Just Love, Quatrains Options

[Lady Poet]

No Bah Humbugs, Just Love

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Now no bah humbugs my dear
‘Tis no way to herald in the New Year
Christmas as society would promote it
Isn’t at all to what we are devoted!


Truth to tell, and this is no lie
There is no tree or gifts for hubby or I
We give to others as we can ~~
The gift of love from God to man.

Giving praise for our Lord’s birth
To one day sacrifice Himself for us on Earth.
To rise again death defeated
A living promise at once completed.

We have the gift of life we must live it
And all the love in us we must give it
For our journey has just begun
To follow the footsteps of God’s Son.

No Bah Humbugs, just give love
The real Christmas is no Holiday above
It is a reflection of pure love and humility
For the greatest gift was given to you and me.

~~Eternity ~~
In Heaven’s Love
Everlasting.

By Pami Jane

[Merlin]

Hello PJ,

Tis the season...

I was about to get out my bah humbugs and have a quiet evening. Hope it's warmer where you are.

Merlin

[AMETHYST]

Hello Pami -

The message is what caught me and drew me into this poem. Then the lovely sounds and melody kept me there. I like the freshness of the end rhymes in L3/L4 in Stanza 1. Very nice. What did slow my read a bit was the eratic line lengths and inconsistent meter. Although meter doesn't have to be a must, I do believe some minor tweaking of the lines could smooth out the flow through out.

After re-reading this a few times I kept wanting to offer it a more consistent syllable count through out - even if it varies from line to line. So I will just offer some minor suggestions through out that might tweak those lines that stumble to my ear.

Please use what works for you and discard anything that isn't useful to you. I surely enjoyed this poem and the nice change of view and how you offered the message.

Best Wishes, Merry Christmas and blessings, Liz

Now no bah humbugs my dear
‘Tis no way to herald in the New Year
Christmas as society would promote it
Isn’t at all to what we are devoted!

In L1, I was wondering if you might consider placing 'there' after 'now' for inner rhyme
Now there, no bah humbugs my dear-
In L2, perhaps omitting 'in'
and in L4, perhaps omitting 'to' after 'all'

An Example:

Now there, no bah humbugs my dear
'Tis no way to herald the New Year
Christmas as society would promote it
Isn't at all what we are devoted!

Truth to tell, and this is no lie
There is no tree or gifts for hubby or I
We give to others as we can ~~
The gift of love from God to man.

I really like your alliteration and how it compliments the love within the message. The only suggestions here would be in L1, perhaps 'Well truth to tell, this is no lie' and I might reconsider 'hubby' as it seems too light and jestful in reflection of the over all message.

Giving praise for our Lord’s birth
To one day sacrifice Himself for us on Earth.
To rise again death defeated
A living promise at once completed.

Perhaps in L2, omitting 'one day' and in L3, maybe you might consider 'then rise again...'

We have the gift of life we must live it
And all the love in us we must give it
For our journey has just begun
To follow the footsteps of God’s Son.

This stanza has a nice step to it, the beat follows through and is more steady in rhythm which feels like a dance - I feel the tone in the narrators voice pickup like as if rejoycing in these blessings. Nicely done. No nits here.

No Bah Humbugs, just give love
The real Christmas is no Holiday above
It is a reflection of pure love and humility
For the greatest gift was given to you and me.

~~Eternity ~~
In Heaven’s Love
Everlasting.

L1 here, perhaps " No Bah Humbugs, just give our love
L2, stumbles for me. Perhaps "As Christmas isn't a Holiday above-
But a reflection of love and humility
for the greatest gift was given to you and me. ...


As mentioned, please use what you can and discard what you cannot. I really felt the message is worth any enhancements -

Best Wishes, Liz

[JLY]

Pami Jane,

A great message and one that can be posted anytime of the year; it doesn't necessarily have to be tied into the holiday season.

I enjoyed the read. In the following line, you could also change it to the following and not lose any of its essence....

To follow the footsteps of God’s Son.

or

To follow the footsteps of HIS Son....

JLY