A companion to the preceding posting "Streetwalkers" >>>


December

December darkness nibbles bits of day
until there’s hardly any left, it seems,
at least not much. Ice covered ponds and streams
are Meccas for both young and old to play
a game of shinny. Children on their sleighs
go hurdling down embankments – mortal screams,
as off they spill into a drift. Two teams
in forts let snowballs fly each other’s way.

Electric lights in rainbow-colored hues
adorn the busy city streets and stores
where shoppers bustle back and forth, like bees.
And everywhere you look, each avenue
has yards and homes alit in bright decors;
wreaths hang on doors, garlands on leafless trees.



Footnote - It was brought to my attention that "shinny" is perhaps not known to everyone. It is very much Canadian, we being the frozen north. It's hockey, but not formal. It goes back to where a bunch of boys would strap on skates and take whatever shape of hockey stick available, then head for the pond or wherever there was ice. Not everyone had a store-bought stick, but hey - who cared? A good time was had by all.

Hi Merlin,

I like this winter picture you've painted very much!!! It isn't a sugary sweet emotional description, is it? More the style of the realist period of writing. It doesn't particularly make me want to go to the city in December, and I think the poem is very much better for that fact. Words and details contribute to this effect-"bites the day," "mortal," "leafless." Exceptionally well-done in my opinion!!!

Very unique rhymes and and rhyme scheme. Syllable count is perfect.

Fine poem in my small opinion!!!

Peggy

Thank you very much for your comment, Peggy.

You are bang-on with your interpretation vs what I had in mind to present, and I hope that it is only happy without being overdone. The intention was to have an uplifting piece to compare with its companion mentioned topside.

It pleases me greatly how you've understood it.

Merlin

Greetings Merlin!

I agree with everything Peggy said, and to it I add, while not being Canadian born, we southerner's have used shinny many a time and I was delighted to see the now rarely used word featured in your exquisite poem. Your imagery is amazing and I could feel the cold, the joy and the busy-ness of the season. Wonderful in all respects! Thank you, it was a pleasure to read this!

Blessings, Pami

Hi Eric,

I simply love the quiet and natural tones in this poem. Glad to see it posted in the MMHC.

My onliest nit is in that last line - is the metrical pattern correct there?

wreaths hang on doors, garlands on leafless trees.

It feels as though 'garland' is kicking the metrical flow out of whack?

Enjoyed,
~Cleo

Many thanks for the nice replies, Pami, Lori.

Tis great to see the game of shinny played down south too, LP. Of course girls play it, which I didn't mention above.

Lori, you caught that whoops down in the last line. I know, I put it there since it's slippery outside.

Glad you also caught the overall feel of this one, in contrast to the other, which is predominantly gloomy while here it is an air of happiness. One little thing I wanted to illustrate was the word "electric", which ground and grated in the other because of where I placed it, but here seems to fit in nicely.

Another device to be used - in addition to the standard metaphor, simile, et al.

Best,

Merlin

Hi Eric,

I just posted a comment in your "Streetwalkers" and here is my idea: I'd like to nominate your companion poems, December and Streetwalkers, for IBPC. However, I was thinking that both poems might work well as one poem (since that is all that is allowed in IBPC, one poem per person) with the titles merged perhaps to read: December Steetwalkers.

Curious as to your thoughts on the matter. Look for my PM for nomination of this poem but please do let me know your thoughts and if either poem interests you to move forward, or a merged effort of both poems as one.

Thanks!
~Cleo

Hi Lori et al.

Lori, thank you for the kind nod. Your idea of melding both into one is so easy that I'm surprised I hadn't thought of it (cliche!), but yes, it's a natural. I had done them as companion, but individual so here's the obvious solution, complete with title joined. Terrific.

I have toyed with the order, since December is happy while Streetwalkers isn't. Having tried both up and down, I'm undecided on their order, however I do lean toward having December first. My thoughts were to end on a happy note, but they seem to work well as December-Streetwalkers.

If there's anyone out and about, your input will be helpful.

Otherwise, let's go with that order, Dec-St, and thanks for that idea plus nod.

Merlin

December Streetwalkers

December darkness nibbles bits of day
until there’s hardly any left, it seems,
at least not much. Ice covered ponds and streams
are Meccas for both young and old to play
a game of shinny. Children on their sleighs
go hurdling down embankments – mortal screams,
as off they spill into a drift. Two teams
in forts let snowballs fly each other’s way.

Electric lights in rainbow-colored hues
adorn the busy city streets and stores
where shoppers bustle back and forth, like bees.
And everywhere you look, each avenue
has yards and homes alit in bright decors;
wreaths hang on doors, garlands on leafless trees.


It’s almost solstice time. How woeful nights
appear to one misguided, tortured soul
who works nocturnal downtown streets where lights,
like bright electric stardrops, hang from pole
to pole, aglitter in December air.

A speaker somewhere overhead blares out
What Child is This, then Jingle Bells. “Who cares?”
she thinks, and moves away. “It’s all about
the mighty buck today, which I ain’t got
and by the looks of things, I’ll never get.”

Salvation Army bells. Their plastic pots
hold hope that expectations can be met
and no-one goes off hungry at this time.
Each contribution helps – five dollars or a dime.

Excellent - glad you approve Eric - this one is really pignant stand alone, and also with both poems merged.

Best of luck in the IBPC!

~Cleo

Merlin,
What an exquisite merging of poems. We all enjoy this holiday season but must never overlook the fact that it is not enjoyable to all! I had mentioned earlier about the analogy of S. A. and St... and had an afterthought of "what about the homeless". They too would fit in that sad group in any season but especially in winter. Very well done with no nits in sight.

Happy Holidays
Larry

Dear Merlin

Streetwalkers made my heart stutter. Seriously it really gripped me with its
harsh and cold disillusionment of the protagonists reality. I'm particularly fond
of your line "like bright electric stardrops, hang from pole" and the whole last
stanza. Taken out of context they represent the joy mixed in with the sorrow
that your streetwalker has become so accustomed to that it is taken in wry
and cynical stride. I love both of your poems, but man oh man, the sheer
depth and power of Streetwalkers really packs a wallop! Together as one poem
it is superb!

Technical question, I can't remember what type of poem you subtitled this to be
I know I wasn't familiar with the term...and I noticed each one has ten syllables in
each line and that both contained fourteen lines...is that all there is to this form of
poetry?

~Eager to learn, Pami

~P.S. Down south a game of shinny is climbing like monkey's up and down trees,
poles, ladders, anything climbable...and some not so...lol.

Many thanks for all additional comments. I'm very pleased my offering meets with your liking.

We'll have to wait and see if the judge appreciates rhymed verse over at ibpc, which is not always the case.

Pami, both are sonnets, although I've taken the liberty to add my own mark slightly. Streetwalkers is Shakespearean, rhymed abab cdcd efef gg. Here I broke things into 5-5-4 instead of the standard 4-4-4-2 thinking I was running out of hands to do all that counting. The last line has an extra foot for 12 syllables, making an Alexandrine, popular among French poets (and others) many moons ago.
December is a classic form of Petrarchan, my personal favorite of those two. Most people prefer the Shakespearean, since it isn't quite as demanding on the number of rhyme words, even while there are more sets. Petrarchan is abbaabba cdecde or similar. The octet is often rhymed with a second set of 4 instead of going with just AB. The sestet can be different, like a cdcdcd. It should always be 2 sets of 3 lines, not 3 x 2. However, rules are made to be broken.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We are experiencing a cold snap on the west coast, with record low temperatures. The homeless are being cared for in increased beds, but not all will go. Yesterday one woman died from the fire she made in her shopping cart; she had refused to go to a shelter.


Best of the Season to All.

Merlin

Hi Merlin,

The merging is fantastic!!! Wow!!!

Peggy

Thank you for dropping in again, Peggy.
Tis cold outside, and snow is piling up. Radio sez it's worse down east.

Merlin

Oh Merlin I could cry. How sad. I know we cannot force people to seek shelter, but still it hurts the heart. You take real good care to stay nice and toasty warm.

Thank you so much for all your painstaking information and the time you invested in telling me. While I can read quite well, exceptionally well for that matter and have good comprehension skills, a lot of it read like greek to me. To illuminate further, I've had absolutely no proffessional training in the learning of poetry nor, anyone who was available to teach me all the technical terms or what they meant. I still have trouble dealing with the iambic pentameter and simply use my fingers to count syllable and try as best a poorly educated student can, to get as close as I can to using the right stressors. I am a study of frustration right now, because I want to instantly understand...lol. Would you perchance know of a website where I may gather some good intelligence on technical terms and how to use them? Forgive me, I probably should have sent you a message, but didn't think of it until now. I will next time.

Let me end by saying this, you are in my mind, truly amazing and I bow before your well of knowledge.

Pami

Pami,
the scary thing is that I amaze myself!

Merlin

Hi Eric,

Happy New Year and thank you for this wonderful poetry. I have read, reread and read again this poem and for the life of me there isn't a single digit. The story leads through with an intensity that hooks me and draws me in. The end rhymes and inner rhymes are so smooth that the meaning is striking and allows the rhymes to feel nature and unobtrusive. I will be back at a later time to make some further comments and perhaps a more detailed evaluation, but I just had to give my thumbs up for the crafting and inspiration...

Best Wishes and Happy New Years.... Liz