The Da Vinci Codicil, Terza Rima Sonnet Options

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

The Da Vinci Codicil

La Gioconda’s enigmatic smile
has puzzled critics from the first review
for none could grasp her air of playful guile.

Her sombre eyes belie the smile, it’s true;
the stately pose keeps dignity, and yet
amusement at Da Vinci still shines through.

Is she a prank deliberately set
by Leonardo’s cunning hand, in joy?
It’s certainly a smile we can’t forget.

The maestro’s been suspected of a ploy
that camouflages gender in his art;
perhaps his Lisa really is a boy?

Is this the joke they shared right from the start,
that Gioconda’s model held his heart?

[JLY]

Jim,
You have captured the essence of a most topical theme; you just may be on the crest of a wave of publicity that is emerging here with the release of the movie.

This was very well-scripted; however I was looking for the word smile to be repeated again in the fourth stanza but it was not there.....I was thinking that you could have incorporated in this manner....

Instead of....
The maestro’s been suspected of a ploy
maybe
The maestro's wry smile belied a ploy

Very taught and well done.
JLY

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Jim

Your terza rima sonnet simply flows right to the end, then turns as it deploys its closing couplet; thus its author shows how Codak moments cast the girl a boy. The history-revisionist is keen on selling books and movies; he's employed a pile of stuff, methinks. Know what I mean?

I simply see nothing in your excellent piece to nit-pick. You've given me another look (through Google) at the exquisite art of the Mona Lisa, and I'd never read it to be called La Gioconda before. So, thank you for giving me one more thing to rattle around in my head till I lose in in a few days! Really, I applaud this excellent work...

and the spirit of Mrs. Gioconda is a gonna be after ya ta stop spreadin' that rumor!

deLightin' in yer writin', Daniel

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Jim,
You have captured the essence of a most topical theme; you just may be on the crest of a wave of publicity that is emerging here with the release of the movie.

This was very well-scripted; however I was looking for the word smile to be repeated again in the fourth stanza but it was not there.....I was thinking that you could have incorporated in this manner....

Instead of....
The maestro’s been suspected of a ploy
maybe
The maestro's wry smile belied a ploy

Very taught and well done.
JLY

Hi, JLY,

thank you for stopping by and offering your comments, always appreciated. Not sure about another 'smile', I thought three was pushing it. No point denying the Da Vinci Code influenced this - the title is a bit of a giveaway - but this was written as a challenge on another board; to combine the terza tima and sonnet forms. The progressive rhyme scheme - the 'b' rhyme from one triplet becomes the 'a' rhyme in the next - was taken from the terza but the metre and turn were taken from the sonnet. It wan't really difficult in that all that was required was to lose the middle rhyme of the 5th triplet and presto, 14 line sonnet with rhyming couplet close. The turn here is intended to be seen in S3's suspicion of a prank, much earlier than normal in a sonnet, but needed that space to finish the thought and maintain the terza form. I do thank you for taking the time to read though, perhaps I may look again at a way of incorporating 'smile' more often that doesn't overpower the turn.
Jim

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Hi, Daniel,

glad you enjoyed this little offering. When I decided to use the Mona Lisa for this - seemed obvious since both forms are Italian in origin - I googled too. Seems there is some confusion over how many there are - the Louvre has 3 examples apparently - and there is some concensus that Da Vinci only applied the finishing touches since most of the work was done by his apprentices. Another article suggested that this may be a self-portrait and that's what started the juices flowing, coupled with the gender argument on the Last Supper painting exploited so well in the book - read it just after Christmas.
Jim

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Jim... I have read Mr Browns delightful book, one of his many,I also enjoyed seeing the Mona Lisa and had never heard it called by any other name, the sonnet is well done and flow fluidly, I am not sure you could get away with another smile but who's counting..lol. Great read.
Steve

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Jim... I have read Mr Browns delightful book, one of his many,I also enjoyed seeing the Mona Lisa and had never heard it called by any other name, the sonnet is well done and flow fluidly, I am not sure you could get away with another smile but who's counting..lol. Great read.
Steve

Hi, Steve,

thanks for stopping by, always welcome and appreciated. This started out as 'the Mona Lisa's smile...' but needed to change after the 'lisa is a boy' line and found the alternate name quite by accident. Apparently this was the original title but couldn't find anything explaining the change. Glad you enjoyed the read,
Jim

[Guest_Don_*]

Good morning Jim,

All I care to say is this is wonderful work, and gliding through your posts here at MM I conclude you are a master.

If the muse moves you to add yet another "smile" maybe it could be a "grin." :)

There seems to be strong intent in your work with a reason for each detail. I shall sick our five-year old grandson on to you to ask a zillion "why" questions.

Don

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Hi, Don,

thank you for coming by and leaving such a nice comment - both are always appreciated. Can't claim the 'master' title yet though, only been writing seriously for about two years so have lots still to learn - at best I'm a 3rd year apprentice.

Ah, the eternal 'why?', I have a 5-year old grandson of my own so can sympathise - my answer is usually 'because!'
Jim

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello Jim.

! This is really very good and the punch line, OMG!

I admire anyone who can not only write a sonnet with such ease, but to format it in a set meter AND add the comedic element at the close (what is the proper term please for the closing), bravo!

I have just two suggestions actually, and only because of the use of the word 'smile' three times in this piece. Please take or toss the suggestions as you wish.

Will be back to read this one again. Movie comes out next Friday - can't wait!

Cheers.
~Cleo

La Gioconda’s enigmatic smile
has puzzled critics from the first review
for none could grasp her air of playful guile.
Solid opening - makes me question what is to come.

Her sombre eyes belie the smile, it’s true; (grin in place of smile)
the stately pose keeps dignity, and yet
amusement at Da Vinci still shines through. How true. I believe!

Is she a prank deliberately set
by Leonardo’s cunning hand, in joy?
It’s certainly a smile we can’t forget. (smirk in place of smile)

The maestro’s been suspected of a ploy
that camouflages gender in his art;
perhaps his Lisa really is a boy? Oh boy - could it be?

Is this the joke they shared right from the start,
that Gioconda’s model held his heart?
What a memorable close/couplet.

[Eisa]

Hi Jim

It's always good to read your work and this is no exception. It certainly brought a smile to my face this morning. The final couplet is superb!

I have no nits on this one except as others have mentioned, the use of too many 'smiles'. You could possibly use an alternative.

Greta read!

Snow

[Guest_poeticpiers_*]

Topical subject and as for the shared joke it is rumoured Leonardo had leanings that way