 Museless Me, a swap quatrain |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Nov 21 06, 07:49
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry  |
Should shame be mine if I retire?
Must I continue to aspire to what has now been my decline? If I retire, should shame be mine? I'm wasting time on thinking thus, is poetry still worth the fuss? My words still beat, my line-ends rhyme, on thinking thus I'm wasting time. A museless me I'll better be, so now my spree is from her, free! She's gone and she is not my key. I'll better be a museless me. ·······  ······· |
  
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Nov 21 06, 08:06
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Never are you wasting time! Your poetry is worth the fuss! LOL
Cathy 
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Nov 21 06, 08:15
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#3
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Ron.
 Will ya stop picking on yer muse - she is a senstive soul, ya know!  I've just a few ideas for you to ponder below. I enjoyed this one (again)! Thanks for the post here in Hermes! Cheers ~Cleo  [add] {delete} (alternate) Should shame be mine if I retire? Must I continue to aspire to what has now been my decline? If I retire, should shame be mine? NO - don't retire Ron!  I'm wasting time on thinking[,] thus{,} is poetry still worth the fuss? My words still beat, my line-ends rhyme, (My words still dance, my end-lines rhyme,) on thinking thus I'm wasting time. A museless me I'll better be, so now my spree is from her, free! She's gone and she is not my key. (She's gone, but not harmony's key.) I'll better be a museless me. 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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Nov 22 06, 07:42
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#4
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
QUOTE(jgdittier @ Nov 21 06, 12:49 ) [snapback]87559[/snapback] Should shame be mine if I retire?
Must I continue to aspire to what has now been my decline? If I retire, should shame be mine? I'm wasting time on thinking thus, is poetry still worth the fuss? My words still beat, my line-ends rhyme, on thinking thus I'm wasting time. A museless me I'll better be, so now my spree is from her, free! She's gone and she is not my key. I'll better be a museless me. ······· ······· |
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Nov 22 06, 07:55
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#5
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Cathy,
Actually, poetry is a hobby with absolutely no fuss. Dear Cleo, I posted this here by mistake, finding that I once posted it at another site and hadn't noted that it was posted here at MM too. Thanks for the "dance". I'll go back and repair that line. As to "she's GONE and SHE is NOT my KEY", I'd read your suggestion she's GONE but not HARmoNY'S KEY, -/--/-//, and I'd lose the internal rhyme, SHE/KEY. If this makes it into the chapbook, please do make certain you use dance instead of beat. Cheers, ron jgd ······· ······· |
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Nov 22 06, 08:00
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#6
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Cleo,
I can't seem to edit so as to change "beat" to "dance" and annote the change. Cheers, Ron jgd ······· ······· |
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Nov 22 06, 12:50
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#7
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,581 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Greetings, poet!
I just thought I'd play with your cute little declaration of independence here before I head to the beach this morning. I hope you don't mind my playfulness: QUOTE(jgdittier @ Nov 21 06, 07:49 ) [snapback]87559[/snapback] Should shame be mine if I retire? Must I continue to aspire to what has now been my decline? If I retire, should shame be mine? Would shame be mine should I retire? Must I continue to aspire to what's become a slow decline? Should I retire, would shame be mine? I'm wasting time on thinking thus, is poetry still worth the fuss? My words still beat, my line-ends rhyme, on thinking thus I'm wasting time. Do I waste time on thinking thus? Is poetry still worth the fuss? My words still pulse; my line-ends rhyme; on thinking thus, do I waste time? A museless me I'll better be, so now my spree is from her, free! She's gone and she is not my key. I'll better be a museless me. Without my muse, I'm free and am upon a spree, become a ham. Away, I can be my own key -- and am; without my muse, I'm free. deLightin' in the dance, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner   |
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Nov 26 06, 16:12
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#8
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
QUOTE(jgdittier @ Nov 22 06, 08:00 ) [snapback]87600[/snapback] Dear Cleo, I can't seem to edit so as to change "beat" to "dance" and annote the change. Cheers, Ron jgd Hi Ron.  GO back up to your original post of this poem (1st post) and click the 'edit' button in the bottom pane of the tile (in the bar underneath your mini-award plaques). You'll see three buttons there: edit, quote and reply. ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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