Cookies at Grandma's (revision), Humorous true story Options

[Eisa]

Cookies at Grandma’s

I love to dip my Butter Crunch
in steaming Yorkshire Tea,
to yield a soft consistency --
a finely tuned degree.

I never dunk them very long,
because they crumble up
and leave an awful soggy mess
that sticks inside my cup.

I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy,
and plunging shortcakes in his tea
he smiled with heartfelt joy.

“Oh! don’t do that dear,” Grandma glared,
“It’s rather rude,” she said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself turn red.

Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.


*************************************

Cookies at Grandma's

I love to dip my butter-crunch
in steaming Yorkshire tea,
to yield a soft consistency
of finely tuned degree.

I never dunk them overlong,
for they will crumble up
and leave an awful soggy mess
to wash out from my cup.

I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy,
he plunged digestives in his tea
and smiled with heartfelt joy.

“O don’t do that dear” Grandma glared,
“It’s rather rude” she said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself go red.

Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Oh this is quite cute and chucklesome! The rhythm is pleasant and just dances along so smoothly.

I love to dip my butter-crunch
in steaming Yorkshire tea,
to yield a soft consistency
of finely tuned degree.

I never dunk for overlong,
for they will crumble up
and leave an awful soggy mess
to wash[scrape] out from my cup. You wouldn't want to wash it down the sink would you? Getting dunk-happy might cause an accidental mess and then you must scrape it out into the wastebasket before washing the cup. Don't know where I'd get that idea though... LOL

I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy,
he plunged digestives in his tea digestives?? Does that mean 'cookies'?
and smiled with heartfelt joy.

“O don’t do that dear” Grandma glared,
“It’s rather rude” she said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself go red. I like this image! LOL

Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too. I'll bet she does too! Lovely poem Snow!

Use or lose the suggestions as you wish! *smiles*

Cathy

[AMETHYST]

Hi Snow,

Oh I remember this and I remember how it changes slowly but surely with a word here, a line there and to my ear, eye and mind it has come nearest to high potential that I can see. I only see a few small area's that might some tweaking...

Some thoughts to follow... But thank you so very much for posting this now, it is so delightful that it just brings a smile to both my lips and my heart!

Big Hugs on this one!

Hugs, Liz

Cookies at Grandma's

Perfect title

I love to dip my butter-crunch
in steaming Yorkshire tea,
to yield a soft consistency
of finely tuned degree.

Excellent opening stanza. I like the way you present the narrator in their adult mind, with their own choices and ever so smoothly bring about the visits with grandma...
I liked your choice of words, such as Yorkshire to blend with yield and the wonder in sonics using steaming/degree it bounces off softly. Wonderful lead in!


I never dunk for overlong,
for they will crumble up
and leave an awful soggy mess
to wash out from my cup.

I like overlong, but felt that you could use something like...


I never dunk them very long,
because they crumble up
and leave an awful soggy mess
all clumped inside my cup.

Just thoughts...



I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy,
he plunged digestives in his tea
and smiled with heartfelt joy.

L3, I really don't think that 'digestives' is the right word, sounds sort of abusive Perhaps...

he plunged a biscuit in his tea
he plunged a triscuit
he plunged a sweetcake in his tea



“O don’t do that dear” Grandma glared,
“It’s rather rude” she said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself go red.

Excellent.


Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

I LOVE this ending! Love it... LOVE IT~ Wouldn't change a beat! Here's to eating like a slob... and my, my it does make the sweets a lot more sweeter! :)

Hugs, Liz ...

[JLY]

Snow,
This is fun and I love your closing lines....

Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

I echo comments of Cathy and Liz in that "digestives" doesn't seem to fit the image. Perhaps it's a language difference between our two countries, because this is not a commonly used word here, particularly in the way that you use it. Could you give us some insight into the meaning/use of digestives.

Thanks....I enjoyed this one.

JLY

[Psyche]

Hi Eisa !

This is a jewel, a joy to read! The first to get here seem to have zoomed in on the very few nits available, I agree with their wee doubts and suggestions.

As far as I remember, in England digestives are biscuits, they call a certain kind that way, but ask Eisa to make sure.

Such an amusing finale. You've really made me laugh out loud! Look, I've read this over and over, and think it's fantastic. Nothing else to add..

Hugs, Syl ***

Cookies at Grandma's

I love to dip my butter-crunch
in steaming Yorkshire tea,
to yield a soft consistency
of finely tuned degree.

I never dunk for overlong,
for they will crumble up
and leave an awful soggy mess
to wash out from my cup.

I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy,
he plunged digestives in his tea
and smiled with heartfelt joy.

“O don’t do that dear” Grandma glared,
“It’s rather rude” she said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself go red.

Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

[AMETHYST]

Hi Sylvia,

Thank you for the background on 'digestives' it helps to have other country associations on words and their use. Keeping that in mind it is perfect! :)

Hugs, Liz

[JustDaniel]

I absolutely love this, Snow!

I only add to what has already been shared, to underscore a few comments... and to offer some punctuated suggestions:

Cookies at Grandma's

I love to dip my butter-crunch
in steaming Yorkshire tea,
to yield a soft consistency
of finely tuned degree.
[ The last line feels weak to me. That prepositional phrase does not have the ring of correctness to my ear. ]

I never dunk for overlong,
for they will crumble up [ I like Liz's suggestion here... ]
and leave an awful soggy mess
to wash out from my cup. [ ... and here ]

I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy[;] (,)
he plunged digestives in his tea [ ANYTHING but that! That sounds repulsive to an American ear! I don't think he dipped Muselix, right ? ]
and smiled with heartfelt joy.

“O don’t do that[,] dear[,]” Grandma glared[.] (,)
“It’s rather rude[,]” she said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself go red.

Sophistication disappeared[; or .] (,)
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

Superb, if slightly moist ending!

deLightedly, Daniel

[Eisa]

Hi Cathy

Well I suppose the only way you'd know about these things is because you are a 'secret dunker' LOL!

Thanks for your suggestion for St2, I will certainly loook into that.

Snow

A digestive is a type of cookie in UK

[Eisa]

Hi Liz

Glad you remembered this one. Your suggestions are just what is needed here.

Hi Sylvia,

Thank you for the background on 'digestives' it helps to have other country associations on words and their use. Keeping that in mind it is perfect! :)

Hugs, Liz

I'm glad Sylvia has pointed out that digestives is a UK cookie/biscuit, but there have been so many comments about this that I think I'll have to change it anyway.

Thanks Liz

Snow

[Eisa]

Snow,
This is fun and I love your closing lines....

Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

I echo comments of Cathy and Liz in that "digestives" doesn't seem to fit the image. Perhaps it's a language difference between our two countries, because this is not a commonly used word here, particularly in the way that you use it. Could you give us some insight into the meaning/use of digestives.

Thanks....I enjoyed this one.

JLY

Thanks John

I've never given much thought to the cookie/biscuits I eat almost every week, but digestives is a strange name for a cookie. LOL! I wonder where it originated -- perhaps because they where easy on the digestion. LOL!! i think I'd better change it.

Thanks for the comment

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Sylvia

Glad you understood the meaning of 'digestive' but I think I'm going to change it anyway, as I don't want it being misunderstood for some medication. LOL!!

Thanks for your encouraging comments.

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi Daniel

Glad to see you here.

I absolutely love this, Snow!

I only add to what has already been shared, to underscore a few comments... and to offer some punctuated suggestions:

Cookies at Grandma's

I love to dip my butter-crunch
in steaming Yorkshire tea,
to yield a soft consistency
of finely tuned degree.
[ The last line feels weak to me. That prepositional phrase does not have the ring of correctness to my ear. ]

I'm glad you mention this as I've always felt uneasy about that line. I'll think on a chage here.

I never dunk for overlong,
for they will crumble up [ I like Liz's suggestion here... ]
and leave an awful soggy mess
to wash out from my cup. [ ... and here ]

Yes ... Liz has offered a good suggestion

I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy[;] (,)
he plunged digestives in his tea [ ANYTHING but that! That sounds repulsive to an American ear! I don't think he dipped Muselix, right ? ]
and smiled with heartfelt joy.

LOL! -- I really seem to have started something here and I can see I'll have to change the word. What is Muselix? -- and antacid, or laxative? Comments have left me wondering how Digestives got their name in the first place ~ easy on the digestion I suppose. Don't worry Daniel -- I shall be changing that.

“O don’t do that[,] dear[,]” Grandma glared[.] (,)
“It’s rather rude[,]” she said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself go red.

Sophistication disappeared[; or .] (,)
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

Superb, if slightly moist ending!

deLightedly, Daniel

Thank you for your help with this.

Snow

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Snow.

I remember the cookies my grandma used to give me when visiting as a child - they were so HARD I wouldn't mind a long dunk in the tea (or cocoa), ! Ginger snaps - they snapped my teeth!

I enjoyed your poem and have a few alternate ideas to ponder below as you wish.

Cheers
~Cleo

[+] {-}


I love to dip my butter-crunch
in steaming Yorkshire tea,
to yield a soft consistency
of finely tuned degree.

I never dunk for overlong, (far too long)
for they will crumble up
and leave an awful soggy mess
to wash out from my cup. (that sticks inside my cup).

I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy,
he plunged digestives in his tea (I’m not certain about ‘digestives’ here, how about ‘a sweetcake’?)
and smiled with heartfelt joy.

“O[h,] don’t do that dear[,]” Grandma glared,
“It’s rather rude[.]” [S]he said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself {go} [turn] red.

Sophistication disappeared,
I am a slob -- it’s true!
Yet I am sure when all alone,
she dunks her cookies too.

[Eisa]

Hi Lori

Thanks for offering me some suggestions here. I think I'll have to lose 'digestives' as although they are a popular cookie in UK, the name does have another meaning LOL! I will be changing it!

Yes ginger snaps are very hard ones and would really need a long dunk to get the right consistencey LOL! -- but I expect as your Granny made them you couldn't refuse.

Thanks Lori ... I'l be tweaking this one soon.

Snow

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Oh I love shortcakes... especially with strawberries! LOL

Love the revision Snow! The flow is so smooth I want to tap my feet to the rhythm!

Well done~
Cathy

[AMETHYST]

JUMPING UP AND DOWN...


Congratulations! This one is picture perfect! The revisions are exactly what it needed... Now get the stamps!


Hugs, Liz ...

[Eisa]

Oh I love shortcakes... especially with strawberries! LOL

Love the revision Snow! The flow is so smooth I want to tap my feet to the rhythm!

Well done~
Cathy

Mmm... shotcakes with strawberries -- I love!

Thanks Cathy

Snow

[Eisa]

JUMPING UP AND DOWN...


Congratulations! This one is picture perfect! The revisions are exactly what it needed... Now get the stamps!


Hugs, Liz ...

Woohoo!! Thanks Liz.

Hugs Snow

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Snow.

A fine revision! I've just a couple more comments for you below (to take or toss as you wish).

Cheers
~Cleo


I took my son to Grandma’s house
when he was just a boy,
and plunging [s]hortcakes in his tea [-]
he smiled with heartfelt joy.

“O don’t do that dear,” Grandma glared,
“It’s rather rude.” [S]he said.
“Well Mummy does it all the time.”
I felt myself turn red.

[Eisa]

Hi Lori

Thanks for returning here to help with my final tuning. I'll return later, when I have more time.

Snow