How To Open *** Options

[posthumous]

The dog at the door doesn't scratch or make any noise;
she waits. The Crab Nebula expands, the Marshall Islands
lose another well, the religions of the world melt a little
in their mirrors. She lies peacefully, unseen. The man
is working in undisturbed ferocity through a tunnel
of ideas. A shadow of jealousy crosses his path,
madness and distrust are flirted with, his eyes
grow like train headlights, utterly unhindered
by any dog at any door, however perfectly she might
curl into a bruised sky or a laundry bin, no matter
how similar little black dogs are to punctuation
they will not pause or contain or cease him,
will not exaggerate or interrogate his moment
crisping into solid thought, heard in its brute birthing
by precise, uncomprehending, compassionate ears.

[Psyche]

Hello posthumous,

This is indeed a lovely poem to read. Balm to one's tiring day. A day meant to be deep in thought, same as the man in the poem. With the little black dog comprehending his aloofness, or deafness, to the pooch's unnattended need for love, maybe a pat on the back.

Great events occur, but the author's grimaces are due only to an inner struggle with the written word flowing -or not- from his plume... (I like plume more than keyboard). HA.

his eyes grow like train headlights, utterly unhindered
by any dog at any door, however perfectly she might
curl into a bruised sky or a laundry bin, no matter
how similar little black dogs are to punctuation...

I picked these lines out because they're particularly awesome, tho' I consider the whole meta-poem fantastic. Looking again, don't you think a comma after punctuation might be better?

I'll be back, these are just some comments that came to mind at 4 a.m.

Cheers, Syl***

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Don...

It's been a long time since I've read you, and as you know I'm not a FV writer, but I've promised to venture into this venue, so here I am.

This is a powerful piece that seems to be about a writer trying to focus on what is going on in his mind while the world does its thing all about him and his faithful little pooch recognizes the agony of his pursuit even though he doesn't understand its content. I rather like the last sentence that rushes for ten lines on unabated... even by the "punctuation" that Sylvia mentions, which seems to be part of the reason that there IS no comma there. There is a great flight of thought going on.

The only distraction to me was the passive voice "are flirted with". Whatcha think?

delighting in reading you again, my friend, Daniel

[Critter]

Really fine write Don. I like the way the final lines 'take off'. The only question I had was "uncomprehending" ...just thinking that there is comprehension on some level...perhaps not by the ears and maybe that is the point?

[RC James]

Posty - I love this piece, gargantuan meanderings and a spotlight focus on the writer's attempts to regurgitate what's going in his mind. I've always liked the way you employ larger, seemingly unrelated events, situations alongside the more straightforward narrative. This is a blast. RC

[posthumous]

Syl, I have mixed feelings about the comma... I could go either way on it... the grammar of that sentence is a bit long and tortuous, which is fine as long as it doesn't gt out of control. thanks for pointing it out!

Daniel, sounds like you're really getting my poem and I'm very happy about that. the passive voice I think is a bit of critique of this obsessed artist... maybe he's flirting without really taking it on or honestly feeling it... at least that was my reasoning

Critter, maybe it's the artist's assumption that the dog doesn't comprehend, surely the dog comprehends something, but is above the details of the artist's process and work.

RC, I can't resist those juxtapositions, thank you!

Thanks for the thoughtful reads, everyone!

[danimik]

Only one small nit - only 'is working', I'd prefer 'works'

A small detail and probably ruins the scansion, I just prefer the way it lies on the tongue.

Otherwise, very rich and thoughtful.

Mike

[posthumous]

thanks, Mike, I'll consider it. I didn't do it for metrical reasons, but for grammatical. "is working" is like an ongoing condition in which the dog "waits" in simple present tense. But if "works" has a better rhythm I would consider it.

[weaver]

Posty
I haven't been playing lately but have a bit more time on my hands now. This is really cool, I love the dynamic of it. I read it to someone and they asked me "What does the Crab Nebula's claw grasp" I had to google it and it was an interesting digression, as perhaps it grasps another star. I loved these particular lines:

The Crab Nebula expands, the Marshall Islands
lose another well, the religions of the world melt a little
in their mirrors

Intriguing piece!!
Cheers
W