 A recovering hypocrite, For hnma (hypocrites-no-more anonymous) |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Aug 2 03, 13:27
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 18,591 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
A Recovering Hypocrite
Hypocrisy is lies in costume, trees that bear bad fruit. But harvest-time unmasks false prophets. What comes from their root? 'But Lord, we preached, gave You the credit! Demons we cast out! And in Your name did miracles!' You're lawless! Now, get out! Away from me; I never knew you. Yes, you heard My Word . . . then built your houses on the sand. You faked it, saying 'Lord.' It's what we do, not what we say, and what's inside God views. Fruit only grows from root and vine -- not faking! There's good news . . . God hates it when we're just lukewarm; it makes Him want to puke. So what's the antidote to faking? Be an open book. Confess your sins (not just to God); remove the mask . . . be healed. No stumbling cause; just be authentic. Be a fertile field. Truth reconciles with God and brethren. Cleansing draws us nigh. Walk in the Light -- no more in darkness. No more live a lie. © Daniel J Ricketts 25 Nov 2001 rev 02 August 2003 ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Aug 2 03, 19:11
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Why hello Daniel! Welcome to the Mosaic! :)
I see you've added a tile already - sweet! :love: A strong message too... This piece is the first crit on the Mosaic (wow...drum roll....)  :)I love the title you chose! It speaks to 'what's to come'. I've only a couple of ideas for you to ponder below. Please take or toss as you see fit. Cheers and Big HUGS! Lori :) A Recovering Hypocrite Hypocrisy is lies in costume, trees that bear bad fruit. But harvest-time unmasks false prophets. What comes from their root? I'm stumped on L4, feeling it needs another beat or a reversal to:coming from their root? 'But Lord, we preached, gave You the credit! Demons we cast out! And in Your name did miracles!' You're lawless! Now, get out! Very nice! Away from me; I never knew you. Yes, you heard My Word . . . then built your houses on the sand. You faked it, saying 'Lord.' It's what we do, not what we say, and what's inside God views. Fruit only grows from root and vine -- not faking! There's good news . . . Interesting - I like the separation here. God hates it when we're just lukewarm; it makes Him want to puke. So what's the antidote to faking? Be an open book. Confess your sins (not just to God); remove the mask . . . be healed. No stumbling cause; just be authentic. Be a fertile field. Truth reconciles with God and brethren. Cleansing draws us nigh. Walk in the Light -- no more in darkness. No more live a lie. © Daniel J Ricketts 25 Nov 2001 rev 02 August 2003 A very nice piece Daniel with a mighty lesson too we should all ponder in our moments of quiet. Thank you! Lori :) ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner      |
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Aug 3 03, 12:01
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Just Daniel,
don't have much to add, but then I am a redone hypercrit Larry z² |
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Aug 14 03, 06:12
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Egyptian Posts: 427 Joined: 5-August 03 From: Oregon, USA Member No.: 8 Real Name: Dolly Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Daniel,
I like this poem...it speaks the truth. Many people find themselves caught up in the problem to some extent before they're aware of it. QUOTE(Just Daniel @ Aug. 02 2003, 13:27) A Recovering Hypocrite Hypocrisy is lies in costume, trees that bear bad fruit. But harvest-time unmasks false prophets. What comes from their root? Like Lori, I wonder about line four above 'But Lord, we preached, gave You the credit! Demons we cast out! And in Your name did miracles!' You're lawless! Now, get out! Away from me; I never knew you. Yes, you heard My Word . . . then built your houses on the sand. You faked it, saying 'Lord.' The above is very, very right on! It's what we do, not what we say, and what's inside God views., < How too, too true! Fruit only grows from root and vine -- not faking! I'm not sure I understand the last two lines above and how they fit the rest of the poem. There's good news . . . God hates it when we're just lukewarm; it makes Him want to puke. So what's the antidote to faking? Be an open book. Confess your sins (not just to God); remove the mask . . . be healed. No stumbling cause; just be authentic. Be a fertile field. I'm not sure I agree 100% with your thinking here, but the poetry is very good. Truth reconciles with God and brethren. Cleansing draws us nigh. Walk in the Light -- no more in darkness. No more live a lie. I think this last stanza is my favorite! Yes, no more live a lie. © Daniel J Ricketts 25 Nov 2001 rev 02 August 2003 Overall, Daniel, it's a good message. Blessings, Athena/Dolly |
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Aug 14 03, 08:02
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#5
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 1,250 Joined: 2-August 03 From: USA Member No.: 7 Writer of: Poetry |
QUOTE(Just Daniel @ Aug. 02 2003, 13:27) A Recovering Hypocrite Hypocrisy is lies in costume, trees that bear bad fruit. But harvest-time unmasks false prophets. What comes from their root? 'But Lord, we preached, gave You the credit! Demons we cast out! And in Your name did miracles!' You're lawless! Now, get out! Away from me; I never knew you. Yes, you heard My Word . . . then built your houses on the sand. You faked it, saying 'Lord.' It's what we do, not what we say, and what's inside God views. Fruit only grows from root and vine -- not faking! There's good news . . . God hates it when we're just lukewarm; it makes Him want to puke. So what's the antidote to faking? Be an open book. Confess your sins (not just to God); remove the mask . . . be healed. No stumbling cause; just be authentic. Be a fertile field. Truth reconciles with God and brethren. Cleansing draws us nigh. Walk in the Light -- no more in darkness. No more live a lie. © Daniel J Ricketts 25 Nov 2001 rev 02 August 2003 Hey Daniel~ How are you? I am so happy that you are here! I enjoyed your poem, and may God give you the serenity......... I especially like the first stanza, but I have trouble with the first line ...... Instead of.... ***Hypocrisy is lies in costume Hypocrisy wears lies in costume*** or Hypocrisy, (true) lies in costume trees that bear bad fruit. But harvest-time unmasks false prophets. What comes from their root? A very strong message with Danielesque wit throughout! Super writing. Take care~ Lindi 
······· ·······"Imagination is more important than knowledge and encircles the world"
Albert Einstein MM Award Winner   |
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Aug 24 03, 01:21
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#6
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Dear Daniel
Nice humor, and that is the BEST way to teach. Only one nit - Confess your sins (not just to God); remove the mask . . . be healed. No stumbling cause; just be authentic. Be a fertile field. You've managed 2x "just" in one verse. That's a word I'd prefer to see not at all, but if you must, then only one ! Love ALan |
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Aug 24 03, 02:34
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,660 Joined: 23-August 03 From: Somerset, England Member No.: 22 Real Name: Grace Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hello Daniel,
What a novel idea for a poem. This is a very interesting piece, very refreshing. I too have only one little bump to overcome concerning the word 'just' again. Confess your sins (not just to God); remove the mask . . . be healed. No stumbling cause; just be authentic. Be a fertile field. [b]In L3 perhaps you could drop the second 'just' since to my ear this scans one syllable too long anyway. Perhaps: No stumbling cause; be authentic like a fertile field. Love Grace  :blush21:
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