Tranquility, Another Sonnet Options

[Eisa]

Tranquillity  (Is this the calm before the Storm?)


As hands that calm caress my soul with peace,
a hazy light emerges through the mist
to heal my heart. My angry troubles cease;
as sun bursts out, I feel my life’s been kissed.


My spirit soars as birds erupt in song,
my brow, like furrowed field, is soothed. I feel
a breeze, that fans the glow, to make me strong;
I am complete. Existence seems surreal.


Now nature stirs with hope, I’m intertwined
with life, as respite’s blanket keeps me warm.
The dark of night has gone, I can unwind;
as calm surrounds, I do not fear the storm.


Yes gusty winds have stilled, the sky is flush
with heat, my spirit feels a tranquil hush.

[Guest__*]

A lot of nuances flying around with this one........I get the feeling, tho, that it can use a bit more focus

[Guest__*]

Dear Eisa

Interesting thoughts. I've dares to amend your puncs, to improve the flow by adding and removing various commas, and I offer a suggestion for your last 2 lines, which I realise amends what you said. But I'm hoping that what you said was not quite what you meant LOL ? Take anything you like, waste the rest.

Love
Alan

Tranquillity - the calm* before the Storm?

As hands that calm* caress my soul with peace,
a hazy light emerges through the mist,*
to heal my heart. My angry troubles cease;
as sun bursts forth*, I feel my life’s been kissed.


My spirit soars, as birds erupt in song,*
My brow, like furrowed field*, is soothed. I feel
a breeze, that fans the glow, to make me strong,*
I am complete. Existence seems surreal.


Now nature stirs with hope, I’m intertwined
with life,* and respite’s blanket keeps me warm,*
The dark of night has gone, I can unwind;
no calm is this, which comes before a storm. ***


Yes,* gusty winds have stilled, the sky is flush
with heat, my spirit feels a tranquil hush.


Without edit marks :

Tranquillity - the calm before the Storm?

As hands that calm caress my soul with peace,
a hazy light emerges through the mist,
to heal my heart. My angry troubles cease;
as sun bursts forth, I feel my life’s been kissed.


My spirit soars, as birds erupt in song,
My brow, like furrowed field, is soothed. I feel
a breeze, that fans the glow, to make me strong,
I am complete. Existence seems surreal.


Now nature stirs with hope, I’m intertwined
with life, and respite’s blanket keeps me warm,
The dark of night has gone, I can unwind;
no calm is this, which comes before a storm.


Yes, gusty winds have stilled, the sky is flush
with heat, my spirit feels a tranquil hush.

[Eisa]

A lot of nuances flying around with this one........I get the feeling, tho, that it can use a bit more focus

Hi Harlequin


It seems I have given an unfocused/confused message to you    ???

My message is really about the saying " calm comes before the storm" which can happen in nature and in people's lives. I was trying to mingle the 2 aspects together...where after the storms of life (and nature ) there was calm. ...but then there was the Question..." is this just the calm before another storm?" Then in the final couplet I reassure myself that this time the calm seems for real.

If this is not the message you got then I feel I have failed somewhere, and would be grateful if you could point out where I could make that message clearer

Thank you for making me think this through

Snow

[Eisa]

Hi there Alan

Thanks for coming to my rescue again...punctuation is not always my strong point.

As for the change in the last couplet...Mmmm....I think "Yes" might be a good change at the start. I'm thinking on it


Thanks again for your thoughts.
Snow

[Arnfinn]

Hi,


I find this sonnet Lovely


Now nature stirs with hope, I’m intertwined
with life, and respite’s blanket keeps me warm,
The dark of night has gone, I can unwind;
no calm is this, which comes before a storm.>>>>>Nice


Enjoyed

Arnie

[Eisa]

Hi there Arnie

Thank you for your very nice comments

I am glad you enjoyed reading this


Best Wishes
Snow