 50 Seconds of Fame *(miniscule revision), **** Critique appreciated |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Apr 15 13, 12:46
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 18,675 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
50 Seconds of Fame
Bang! Gary strides ahead. Second turn, out 5 yards Breaks for the inside, gracefully leading the pack. My countdown begins. I pace nervously, dancing. Straightaway. Jim crouches, ready 20, 10, GO! Reach back! Uproar . . . 5 additional yards! Switch hands, stretch, go! Just 90 seconds now Body-twists, deep breaths Frank to the line Watch the mark, 4 steps Don’t look! Applause, yelling . . . 6 more yards! Sweat pants off, shirt to Gary Breathe, stretch, relax More dancing, hands shaking All alone at the corner! Ready, tension . . . he hits the mark! Step, step, step, step, twist, grab, go. Everyone standing . . . perfect pass. 20 yards becomes 25. Hold on. Push . . . a rush Fear, chills, flashes Cheers . . . a tear? Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch Reach deep, stretch long. Don’t look back! Ignore the pain! 100 yards of corner, dig Use momentum; accelerate. Everything . . . no one . . . alone sound suspended, slow motion. Tape extended! Dig in, push, chest out . . . Screaming! Yessss Arms flailing, hands to my head Coast to a staggering walk Hugs, shouts, a victory lap together. “3.6 seconds off Tacoma's City record!” 50 seconds of fame in 1963 . . . now gone, yet vivid, forever. © MLee Dickens'son *revision: last line added ",yet vivid," ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Feb 8 17, 23:21
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 11,407 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in. |
Hi Daniel,
Wow, a blast from the past. Like I said on my first post, I hardly ever critique in the Free Verse Forum so I didn't check back to see your edit. Apologies! It isn't much of a change but it reiterates the strength of the memory. Most memories from childhood just slip away but a few have such an impact on those who experience it that it is etched in a very special place in the brain. It is easy to access and relive those moments. Glad that this one stayed with you this long. Larry ······· ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner     |
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Posts in this topic
JustDaniel 50 Seconds of Fame *(miniscule revision) Apr 15 13, 12:46 
Maureen The excitement in this piece is tangible, you can ... Apr 15 13, 20:44 AMETHYST Hi Daniel,
I also liked the active tone of this,... Apr 16 13, 10:59 JustDaniel Hey, Maureen and Liz...
Thank you both for your v... Apr 16 13, 11:10 AMETHYST Hey Daniel,
Actually, I never had experiences wi... Apr 16 13, 11:21 
JustDaniel QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Apr 16 13, 12:21 ) Hey ... May 7 13, 10:46 Psyche Hi Daniel,
I'm so glad I clicked on your poem... Apr 23 13, 16:29 JustDaniel QUOTE (Psyche @ Apr 23 13, 17:29 ) Hi Dan... May 7 13, 11:06 Larry Hi Daniel,
I don't usually comment on free ve... Apr 25 13, 08:34 JustDaniel QUOTE (Larry @ Apr 25 13, 09:34 ) Hi Dani... May 7 13, 11:13 JustDaniel Hey, Larry...
You never answered my question... Feb 7 17, 16:03 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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