 My God. My God..., Brett Whiteley, Artist and Addict (1939-1992) |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Sep 24 07, 22:15
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#1
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 331 Joined: 7-March 07 From: Oz Member No.: 408 Writer of: Poetry Referred By:IBPC participant list  |
MY GOD, MY GOD...
Brett Whiteley, Artist and Addict (1939-1992) This wine-dark sea, this spoon of liquid love, caressed by flickers from a candle stub, now sirens sweetly. Music soars to fill the empty chambers of my heart. My pulse explodes and snaps each rope. Undone, I fall between the creaking Rock and this hard place. My wrist is taken, quickly hammered down, and blood-filled branches hold like crowns of thorn. I search around in vein. God bless my arm. A modern Christ of Chemicals I am who celebrates both eucharist-inject and transubstantiation in his art. My sheets will be a canvas here tonight; tomorrow, I’ll be Brett the Resurrect. http://www.geocities.com/pantherprousa/bac...flondon03a.html Go down to Whiteley and at the end of the blurb on him is a copy of the painting "My God, My God.." ·······  ······· |
  
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Sep 25 07, 05:54
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Jan,
I just need to lock this topic until Thursday since you've just posted another for crit here in Herme's the same day. (The 1:2:2 rule - post new topic, do 2 replies to others' works, wait 2 days). See you then! ~Cleo UPDATE: Opening topic, second post moved to Seren's... ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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Sep 25 07, 16:09
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#3
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 862 Joined: 25-June 04 From: Ohio, USA Member No.: 70 Real Name: Susan Eckenrode Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Merlin |
Oh good, it's open again.
When I read this late last night, I didn't even notice that it's actually blank verse.... didn't notice until I put on my crit glasses to check out the rhyme scheme. The meter is true and unobtrusive allowing the reader to fully absorb the sonics and the power of the words. The whole is injected with some amazing imagery. Disturbing, and appropriately so. A very powerful piece. Admiringly, Sue ······· ······· |
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Oct 3 07, 00:19
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#4
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 331 Joined: 7-March 07 From: Oz Member No.: 408 Writer of: Poetry Referred By:IBPC participant list |
QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Sep 25 07, 20:54 ) [snapback]102737[/snapback] Hi Jan, I just need to lock this topic until Thursday since you've just posted another for crit here in Herme's the same day. (The 1:2:2 rule - post new topic, do 2 replies to others' works, wait 2 days). See you then! ~Cleo UPDATE: Opening topic, second post moved to Seren's... Once again, my apologies, regards, Jan ······· ······· |
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Oct 3 07, 00:27
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#5
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 331 Joined: 7-March 07 From: Oz Member No.: 408 Writer of: Poetry Referred By:IBPC participant list |
QUOTE (heartsong7 @ Sep 26 07, 07:09 ) [snapback]102753[/snapback] Oh good, it's open again. When I read this late last night, I didn't even notice that it's actually blank verse.... didn't notice until I put on my crit glasses to check out the rhyme scheme. The meter is true and unobtrusive allowing the reader to fully absorb the sonics and the power of the words. The whole is injected with some amazing imagery. Disturbing, and appropriately so. A very powerful piece. Admiringly, Sue Thank you very much Sue, There is a rhyming scheme however in various forms of slant with one true rhyme for emphasis at the end. love / stub, fill / fall pulse / place down / thorn. arm / am eucharist-inject / Resurrect art / tonight As Whiteley was classically trained and deviated from the norm I have tried here to create a 'modern' sonnet with the volta occurring centrally. Regards, Jax ······· ······· |
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Oct 3 07, 21:41
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 544 Joined: 3-May 07 From: Central Florida Member No.: 427 Real Name: Judith Labriola Writer of: Poetry |
I love this very abstract and very beautiful poem...I wonder if you have some near rhymes on purpose, or it it just worked out that way...whatever the reason, I won't haggle over it...I like it the way it is. Brava, Jan. My best, Judi
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Oct 4 07, 08:04
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#7
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 331 Joined: 7-March 07 From: Oz Member No.: 408 Writer of: Poetry Referred By:IBPC participant list |
QUOTE (Judi @ Oct 4 07, 12:41 ) [snapback]103249[/snapback] I love this very abstract and very beautiful poem...I wonder if you have some near rhymes on purpose, or it it just worked out that way...whatever the reason, I won't haggle over it...I like it the way it is. Brava, Jan. My best, Judi Yes Judi, to echo the man's work. Many thanks and regards, Jax ······· ······· |
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