Ideations, A Villanelle Options

[Guest_isis277_*]

I refuse to give up this endless fight.
Dark shadows mock me dancing upon doors.
Forgiveness unveils the forgotten light.

Watching the patients in tormented plight
we swallow the pills that promise fast cures.
I refuse to give up this endless fight.

Peace never comes when I need its respite.
The devil dangles his glittering lures.
Forgiveness unveils the forgotten light.

Even at birth I was deemed too uptight,
spat upon gritty and desolate shores.
I refuse to give up this endless fight.

Misty recalling love's lost delight,
its heavenly sweetness like petit-fors.
Forgiveness unveils the forgotten light.

Can't ever surrender from pain or spite
though loneliness reigns and all that endures.
Forgiveness unveils the forgotten light.
I refuse to give up this endless fight.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello Isis (Rachel) and welcome to MM!

I commend you on your villanelle here (I'm too terrified to try and write one myself). LOL! Isn't it so true that when one yearns for peace, it seems to be out of reach?

A poignant poem retelling of 'hospital rubber rooms', in patient care I assume? I take it this also is about being thinner? All the diet b.s. on the market - making the pharmesucals millions. Giving one pills doesn't always cure the problems at hand - it only makes them fade from consciousness until the effects fade too. If for dieting purposes, I use the motto, eat healthy, control portions and exercise every day. As long as you feel good about yourself, no matter your clothing size, it will show.

Welcome!
~Cleo

[Guest_isis277_*]

Cleo

Thank you for your welcome and review....actually the poem is about a short stay in a hospital, though there were no rubber rooms! Depression is the main theme, after a messy breakup with a boyfriend....by "swallowing the pill" i meant antidepressants....

this is the first and only villanelle i have written...just sat down with a book on poetry, and followed the structure....guess i got lucky because i havent written one since...most of my poetry tends to fall in rhyming couplets, or much rhythm and rhyme in free verse....

anyway, thanks again!

Isis277

[Cleo_Serapis]

Yes - I had meant to put that in my comments as well - a duality of interpretation - about depression, and I actually that theme was stronger than about insecurity for a possible weight problem.

I was an EMT years ago and had one particular experience in transporting a very hyped up young woman to a mental facility as she had tried to commit suicide over a break-up. I think she was 18 or 19. She was also a Houdini as I had to strap her down in the back of the ambulance for transport, and she STILL wriggled herself out of the restraints. Luckily, she wasn't afraid of me or anything like that - she knew I was trying to help her. We talked on the way but it's such a hard thing to leave them as I would often wonder what happened afterward. She was on so many drugs, I fear that may have seeded her emotional outcry.

In any event, look forward to more of your work. You can post every other day in our forums (each is independent) as long as you offer two comments to other member's works. This forum is the non-crit one, but for critiquing, we have three others here, Hermes Homilies for forms, R&M works, Serens Synapse for free verse and Shogun's Psalms for short forms.

Cheers
~Cleo