Hello Steve - Thank you for your Email, explaining that I have to comment on two other short form poems if I wish to offer a first attempt at a Haiku.
As I am totally ignorant of all short poetry forms - I will feel something of a fool, attempting to comment on work I do not fully understand. But, 'rules is rules.' - so here goes ...
Your Haiku seems to follow a different pattern to the one I believed to be the norm. I see that you have used
a 5-6-5 format. Is this yet another version of the standard 5-7-5 form? I read in earlier short form critiques that there were two different Hikau forms - one more obscure than the other - is yours yet another?
I also see that you do not punctuate - is this also a convention for the modern Haiku?
There is so much to learn
I will have to rely on you to guide my first steps in this genre.
I'll try to find another, 'short-former' to pester as well - and then I'll be able to try my hand at a Haiku.
Leo