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'Short Rondeau', (Corrected) ~ Thanks, Merlin! |
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May 7 13, 10:16
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Referred By:Lori
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Merlin has introduced us to what we will call 'short rondeau' by quoting a piece by James Henry Leigh Hunt: QUOTE Jenny Kissed Me
Jenny kissed me when we met, Jumping from the chair she sat in; Time, you thief, who love to get Sweets into your list, put that in! Say I'm weary, say I'm sad, Say that health and wealth have missed me, Say I'm growing old, but add, Jenny kissed me.
- James Henry Leigh Hunt Simply by observation, I conclude that the specific meter of each line is probably up to the writer, so long as the metrical pattern continues throughout the poem up to the concluding phrase (a repetition of the opening segment of the first line) and that the rhyme pattern is as follows: A b a b
c d c R of A (d) Note: previously we'd not recognized that L6 should rhyme with the closing fragment ( 'rentrement' ) A Since Merlin offered this comment when he referred to Hunt's poem:QUOTE Global warming has finally arrived in my region, so I'll most likely be away from the keyboard much of the time, getting my fix of vitamin SUN!
Merlin ... I found it necessary to challenge his 'lame excuse' (tongue-in-cheek, of course) with my own very first 'short rondeau' fashioned after his example: Merlin's Hiding
Merlin's hiding in the sun --
saying that he'll do no writing?
Time, you thief, you get it done --
use that laptop you've been slighting.
We are weary; no excuse!
Say no more your health's dividing.
Lounging there on his caboose
Merlin's hiding.© MLee Dickens'son 2013
correction: L6 previously: Say no more your health prevent's it.We hope that y'all will give the form a try yourself!
deLighting in the prospect, Daniel
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May 7 13, 13:45
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Daniel,
I don't know if Merlin is kidding or not but, like you, I find it very difficult to believe he'd stop posting just to lay in the sun after offering us that delightful "short rondeau".
If I may, let me continue with another gentle prod in the same genre!
Merlin's Shadow
Merlin’s shadow lies beneath
caught within the lawn chair’s lattice
while he’s letting warmth bequeath
thaw to wintered bones. Sun’s gratis
lured him from the forum’s halls
where promise began a new show.
Absent now, Spring’s sunlight calls
Merlin’s shadow.
Larry
Thanks for the heads-up on L6 & 8 rhyme.
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May 7 13, 16:46
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Referred By:Lori
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I don't know whether to say, Bravo, Larry!or Hear, Hear, Merlin!deLightingly, Daniel
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May 7 13, 23:40
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Chopping dandelions’ heads from the back and front and side lawn; but I know and now I dreads their return, most likely new dawn! How the sun shone loverly, bucket, pick-ax, both were handy; music played, tho clancularly, Chopin dandy.
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May 8 13, 17:14
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Referred By:arnfinn
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What an absolute delight to read these four submissions, I am now inspired to have a try at this form of poetry. Thank you
Cheers
Maureen
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May 9 13, 00:32
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Well, We’re Waiting!
Maureen muses, try her hand writing rondeaus in this short style. I think this might be real grand make Merlin, Daniel and me smile. Climb aboard these rondeau trains though their missing their cabooses but this question still remains… Maureen's muse is...?
Merlin & Daniel, thanks for the correction in form!
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May 9 13, 05:20
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Referred By:arnfinn
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Well Larry you asked for it - wait no more - Maureen did. I liked your poem no ones every written one for me before. Be still my heart NOW SUMMERS GONE Summers gone, winter approaches, mornings now are cold and crisp. Dew lies heavy on the grass and sun comes late. Merely a whisp of mist still lingers trapped in hillside valleys deep hidden from wan sunlight fingers. Summers gone. Maureen Clifford © 05/13
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May 9 13, 10:10
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Summer’s gone? It’s just arriving after cold and lots of snowfall. Time has come for tan-reviving, swimming, fishing, playing baseball! Ozzie folks, another tale – winter time is coming on; get your woolies, they’re on sale… summer’s gone!
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May 9 13, 10:33
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Daniel wrote a short rondeau wanting folks to criticize it, come-on, then, and don’t be slow, make it fair – don’t compromise it! Cross your eyes and dot the tees, note or quote, promote, connote anything from eh? to zzzzzs Daniel wrote.
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May 9 13, 11:06
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Larry jumped into the pool where you find the poets swimming, grabbed a thread, a silver spool and began his sewing, trimming here a little, there some more, never baffled, never stumped till he had the proper score… Larry jumped!
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May 9 13, 14:42
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Group: Gold Member
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Planting Rows
Planting roses now complete, Merlin dropped in for an hour joining in this rondeau treat. Yard work stopped by passing shower? What had blocked his bath of sun? He's now back to poems and proses with reports of how much fun planting rows is!
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May 9 13, 17:09
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Group: Gold Member
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Referred By:arnfinn
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Oh thats a great word play Larry - well done It always seems weird Merlin that the seasons are opposite depending on where you live - our traditional Chiristmas celebrations usually take place on beaches or in back yards in sweltering heat and not a skerrick of snow to be seen anywhere and yet we still cling to the tradition of sending christmas cards with snow , holly and red robins on them although to be fair I suppose not so much these days. You excelled yourself with not one but three new rondeau Cheers Maureen
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May 9 13, 18:56
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Referred By:Lori
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Uncrit Tickle
No one's offering critique, but of course the thread is growing. In this forum, that's unique, though our Karnak wind keeps blowing, bringing Merlin back inside to lay out wise observation. Masterfully his words will chide no one.
© MLee Dickens'son 2013
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May 9 13, 19:11
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Group: Gold Member
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Referred By:Lori
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Maureen...
Thank you so much for spurring us on. We hope that you'll continue joining in the fun [though likely Lori may soon intervene here and transplant this thread into a new one in Karnak called "Short Rondeau" !!]
Overheard Down Under
When it's spring, it's autumn there in South Africa, Australia. While we beach, it's snowing where you are living, so we'll hail ya, wishing you a cozy night snuggled with a book for its zing. Fall comes as your heat ignites when it's spring.
© MLee Dickens'son 2013
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May 9 13, 19:24
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Group: Gold Member
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QUOTE (Maureen @ May 9 13, 06:20 ) Well Larry you asked for it - wait no more - Maureen did. I liked your poem no ones every written one for me before. Be still my heart Love it, Maureen!!
Here is a missing apostrophe, plus a couple of suggestions to even out your metrical flow somewhat -- for you, of course, to take or toss:NOW SUMMER 'S GONE Summer 's gone, winter approaches, mornings now are cold and crisp. Dew lies heavy on the grass es;and sun comes late. Merely a whisp of morning mist , and it still lingers trapped in hillside valleys deep downhidden from wan sunlight fingers. Summer 's gone. Maureen Clifford © 05/13
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May 9 13, 19:38
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Referred By:Lori
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Mock Critique
Merlin's mocking, but I'm happy he has not put down his pen. When you challenge him, he's scrappy proving he's no handyman but a master writer, friend, sharing insight, often shocking. Thus with joy I comprehend Merlin's mocking.
© MLee Dickens'son 2013
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May 10 13, 07:03
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Mosaic Master
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Referred By:Imhotep
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What an interesting variation, Daniel and Eric! I shall give this a try (next week as I am traveling for a few days). Cheers, ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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May 12 13, 12:21
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From: Time, Immoral
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Now that our “shorts” are nicely in place, I’ll come along and make a small correction to the “rules” above.
The rhyme scheme of the short rondeau is this >>> [A]bcbcdadA.
The first “A” is the opening phrase of L1, which becomes the repeated refrain (“R” sometimes) or rentrement in French. Important to note is that this “R” rhymes with L6, which makes the 2nd quatrain rhyme dadA.
There is almost no end to rondeau possibilities. Rondel, roundel, roundelay, triolet, virelais, chant royale, and a variety of others exist. Repetition is required, and most often, line lengths are equal, usually octa- or deca- syllabic. You are completely within your rights (or tights) to bend or break the rules!
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May 12 13, 14:02
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Group: Gold Member
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Referred By:Lori
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Thank you so very much, Eric! I think I've taken care of my explanation in the opening of the thread.
Please let me know whether you concur!
I Bow Corrected
I'm corrected; now I've said differently what you've observed. Hope it now has trued the thread so our readers will be served.
All my short rondeaux's line six now I've also redirected slightly, so what needs a fix, I've corrected.
© MLee Dickens'son 2013
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May 12 13, 14:55
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From: Time, Immoral
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We pass the plate from here to yon and fill it full of rondeau lore so poets now can chance upon a wisdom bit long hankered for. Now virelais, I say to you, go to the pen, unlock the gate break out the rondeaux true or blue – we pass the plate!
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