 Numinous Flicker [Revised 18 Aug 2009], Triolet |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
  Jul 26 09, 19:36
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#1
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Hi all,
This is my first poetic effort in about seven months - a triolet - something simple to ease back into writing... The inspiration for this came from new beginnings and a Triolet I wrote back in 2003 called, Spirit Diverse mused from an image in a Pandora challenge. Cheers ~Cleo   Numinous Flicker Essence dispersed… luminous sight, flames of the numinous flicker. Devotions immersed, two souls unite; Essence dispersed. Luminous sight! Triad of hope, passions ignite nurturing sparks even quicker. Essence dispersed; luminous sight -- flames of the numinous flicker. Copyright © Lorraine M. Kanter 26 July 2009 Original L6: nurturing sparks still, yet quicker.
Reason for edit: 1st Revision, Thanks Wally!
·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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Jul 27 09, 03:36
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#2
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry |
G'day,Lori.
Good to see you posting again.   A flow of love unites two souls. Very well done, Lori. And the form is spot on. Essence dispersed… luminous sight, 1 flames of the numinous flicker.2 Devotions immersed, two souls unite; Essence dispersed. Luminous sight! 1 Triad of hope, passions ignite nurturing sparks still, yet quicker. Essence dispersed; luminous sight --1 flames of the numinous flicker.2 You've made a good comeback.  John  ······· ·······Arnfinn
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner   |
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Jul 27 09, 05:32
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#3
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Arnie,
Why thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this one - I had always liked the picture and so decided to re-work an old poem from 2003 - this is what came of it. That and the fact that I have Barry who inspires me to write...  Thanks mate!  ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jul 27 09, 06:05
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#4
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 2,587 Joined: 9-August 03 From: Australia Member No.: 17 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry |
G,day again.  Hmmm... Good, another hand on the tiller. May you both steer a true course. I think I remember the original. Ray's just about finished; The Rainbow Serpent/ You want to check-out 'Rainbow Serpent' on the internet, the sepent is the basis story for the 'dreamtime.' John ······· ·······Arnfinn
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Jul 27 09, 06:44
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#5
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
FANTASTIC, John!
 I still have a long overdue to-do to use the Dreamtime stories for some poetic efforts...  I'll be using your calendar(s) to make that happen!  Cheers mate.  ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jul 27 09, 07:47
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#6
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Cleo,
I'm unaware of the backgroung to this piece and to to some references but I happy to see you back here. You should be well rested and hopefully now eager to reassume the reins. An impressive return!!! Cheers, Ron jgdittier ······· ······· |
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Jul 27 09, 08:49
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#7
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
Hi Lori~ Can he write? Well, you have done a great job on his behalf! Well done! Good to see you posting poetry and not just admin! :) Have lots of fun and enjoy your new life. Bev ······· ······· |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Jul 27 09, 14:36
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#8
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Lori, what a wonderful poem, very nice...great to see that you are writing again, am glad Barry is an inspiration.
Steve PS I hope you don't mind my stealing a reference from your picture and the word numinous... but is this a triolet? Yellow flames in wax illuminate while numinous shadows dance. Two become one, consummate love and joy so intimate. Yellow flames in wax illuminate if sparks fly high it's a chance, Yellow flames in wax illuminate while numinous shadows dance. I will come back and delete this if you wish...just a question... |
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Jul 28 09, 05:26
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#9
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Ron,
 The original poem is in the Pandora archives - I think it was the September, 2003 challenge response to the image? The references are to my new home, new man, new outlook - that's the "new beginnings" part - now that I'm ready to write again after my 7 month absence. I am happy to be here, so thank you very much! Well, not sure if 'well rested' is the right wording (I've been CRAZY BUSY with the move, unpacking, re-adjusting and all since March), but certainly eager to return. Cheers, ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jul 28 09, 05:29
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#10
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Bev~
Can he write? He certainly writes beautiful notes! He also enjoys poetry (a romantic at heart) so he really inspires me on so many levels.Thanks for stopping in, it's good to post again and be "visible", instead of solely doing admin tasks behind the scenes (which of course I do daily). :) I am having TONS of fun and will take you up on your suggestion to enjoy my new life.  Hugs Bev! ~Cleo  ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jul 28 09, 05:39
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#11
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hello Steve,
Thank you very much!  It's good to write again and to receive such a nice welcome back to the forum. I am also glad to have learned that Barry is a wonderful inspiration, and I look forward to writing again. PS I hope you don't mind my stealing a reference from your picture and the word numinous... but is this a triolet? Yellow flames in wax illuminate while numinous shadows dance. Two become one, consummate love and joy so intimate. Yellow flames in wax illuminate if sparks fly high it's a chance, Yellow flames in wax illuminate while numinous shadows dance. Hmmm, here's a link to the Triolet topic: http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=72 Basically, it goes like this: The Triolet consists of 8 lines, where the 1st, 4th, and 7th lines repeat, as do the 2nd and 8th lines. The rhyme scheme is quite simple: ABaAabAB, capital letters representing the repeated lines. You have a problem above with line 4 and 5 - L4 must be a repeat of L1, not L5 - L5 is a new line you need to add. Corrected, it would look like this: Yellow flames in wax illuminate while numinous shadows dance. Two become one, consummate yellow flames in wax illuminate. Love and joy so intimate... if sparks fly high it's left to chance; yellow flames in wax illuminate while numinous shadows dance. Cheers Steve, glad to inspire you! ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Jul 28 09, 09:00
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#12
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
Lovely! Lori! I am thrilled for you! Bev ······· ······· |
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Jul 28 09, 20:53
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#13
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,888 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Oooooooo, Lori, SO glad to discover you posting poems again. I've just read all down this thread and a BIG SMILE came to my face! FOR YOU!!!
It's all so romantic and wonderful, in spite of the stress involved, the rush, etceteraaaa....Nobody said love's an easy trip...LOL... And the romantic notes, sounds like Sex & the City! I bet you're looking splendid. How about posting photos?! Love your triolet. I just find I stumble with this bit: QUOTE Triad of hope, passions ignite nurturing sparks still, yet quicker. To my ear, the word 'still' interferes with the beat if read aloud. Just me, probably. Keep 'em coming, Lori, with Barry's inspirational whispers in your ear! Love, Syl*** ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Jul 29 09, 08:41
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#14
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Lori, Ah I think I've got it now thanks much for the lesson will now go see if I can repeat it with something more original. Congrats again on being back.
Steve |
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| Guest_Altay_* |
Jul 29 09, 10:43
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#15
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If you read the poem and close your eyes you do indeed see again the picture. It works really well.
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Aug 1 09, 14:38
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#16
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Hi Lori,
My first sight of this one and it's gorgeous! Triolets are IMO one of the most most difficult forms to get right. I have written a few but only "Viper" came close to satisfaction for me. I love the metre you chose for this one and especially the feminine rhyme in lines B, it makes it feel very mysterious. You make it seem so easy, after writing nothing for all those months you quickly rustle up this! Makes me sick! I had to look up "Numinous" and what a fascinating and mysterious explanation I found so once again you have educated this ignorant country boy and shown me a new word. I printed the poem to study at length. It's good to see you writing again, you talent is an inspiration to me! wasted with doing only admin. Thank you for illuminating the way. Hugs, Wally PS. I don't think this one perfect yet but damn, it's close! 1. Of or relating to a numen; supernatural. 2. Filled with or characterized by a sense of a supernatural presence: a numinous place. 3. Spiritually elevated; sublime. 1 : supernatural, mysterious 2 : filled with a sense of the presence of divinity : holy 3 : appealing to the higher emotions or to the aesthetic sense : spiritual — nu·mi·nous·ness -nəs\ noun [From Latin nūmen, nūmin-, numen.] ······· ······· |
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Aug 7 09, 11:46
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#17
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Bev,
I'm THRILLED too! Whippee! Life IS GOOD! ~Cleo Syl, I'm happy to be posting again too! Glad I brought a smile to you!  Ain't love grand? Photos? There are some in the staff forum I think????  QUOTE Love your triolet. I just find I stumble with this bit: Triad of hope, passions ignite nurturing sparks still, yet quicker. To my ear, the word 'still' interferes with the beat if read aloud. Just me, probably. Keep 'em coming, Lori, with Barry's inspirational whispers in your ear! Love, Syl*** I agree! I had a different comment there in the beginning. But liked 'still, yet' - but now that I read it again - it DOES mess up the flow. I had 'all the quicker' before - how does that sound? HUGS Syl and Bev! ~Cleo
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Aug 7 09, 11:48
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#18
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Steve,
Cool - you're welcome on the lesson!  Look forward to seeing what you come up with (if anything new). Thanks for the congrats and welcome!!!! ~Cleo  Hi Altay, QUOTE If you read the poem and close your eyes you do indeed see again the picture. It works really well. WOW! Thanks very much! I appreciate your feedback. Cheers ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Aug 7 09, 11:53
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#19
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Wally,
Awe - thank you! I'm thrilled to have inspired you to write as well. We've both had some life experiences to take us away - although yours was far more traumatic - glad you are back!!!! Rustling - rustling - rustling - yeppers, this one was a quickie, lol! Just glad it seems to work well. QUOTE I had to look up "Numinous" and what a fascinating and mysterious explanation I found so once again you have educated this ignorant country boy and shown me a new word. I printed the poem to study at length. It's good to see you writing again, you talent is an inspiration to me! wasted with doing only admin. Thank you for illuminating the way. Cool! I love to learn new words and phrases, especially as a writer. There's always different ways to say something (as Merlin says often), and finding just the right words are key - but hard for me at times. I still think the line Sylvia mentioned needs work - maybe "all the quicker" (my original write) works better? What do you think? Glad to be an inspiration - you are too! Hugs ~Cleo
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Aug 17 09, 10:50
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#20
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Hi Lori,
That line in question, "nurturing sparks still, yet quicker." perhaps; "nurturing sparks even quicker." Just a thought. Hugs, Wally ······· ······· |
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