 Maid in Heaven?, Times Ten Challenge by Schemet |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
  Oct 6 09, 11:16
Post
#1
|
|
 Greek  Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all  |
Maid in Heaven?
Junoesque - of lush proportion - Sally; hating her distortion; swallowed physic by the phial-full; draped herself in garments guileful. Yet - her Titanic clash of thighs remained a problem to disguise. Despairing of a loving union, Sally, kneeling for Communion; felt an illuminating wave, as if from Heaven - sent to save her from a deep and loveless void. A feeling - recognised by Freud! Risking a furtive downward glance. The vicar, his blue eyes a-dance, felt a flash, clear, and radical. Common sense snatched a Sabbatical. Christian lovers, pierced through the heart, by Pagan Cupid's wayward dart. Words used-Junoesque,physic,Titanic,clash,union,illuminating, wave,void,union, radical ·······  ······· |
  
|
|
|
Oct 6 09, 19:05
Post
#2
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Moving to Herme's Homilies since this is a rhyming poem.
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
|
|
|
|
Oct 7 09, 03:07
Post
#3
|
|
|
Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Hi again Cleo - thanks for moving this into its correct home -
I didn't think that it counted as fixed form, since I have no idea of the name of the form it took. Once I have attempted a named form, I hope to be able to recognise it again; but I felt it might possibly belong with the verses of no obvious named form. Anyway - thanks, Love, Leo ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Oct 7 09, 05:44
Post
#4
|
|
|
Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Leo,
No worries. A poem doesn't have to have a specific form to post in Herme's Homilies. If it has a rhyming or metrical pattern, it should be posted here in addition to any "fixed form". Cheers, ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
|
|
|
|
Oct 8 09, 00:43
Post
#5
|
|
 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Leo,
Never mind the process about where this belongs, the content is quite sublime ! You rhyme-words are exquisite, and that this came from a 10-word challenge, which I saw only ater the 2nd or 3rd read, really knocked me out. What a sense of fun, if not naughtiness, tho I have to confess to some pretty graphic pix from her kneeling position in front of "God's messenger" ! Aren't you the lady who had never done any challenges until the day before yesterday ? I'm hanging up my pen. Love Alan ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Oct 8 09, 05:39
Post
#6
|
|
 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
You certainty got this one Bang-On!Leo,
Challenge words! very novel rhymes and a humorous story with underlying very pointed message! The metre shifts around a bit but primarily seems iambic tetrameter so we could call the form "Heroic Couplets" I guess. Good choice for the content too. Loved it. Hugs, Wally ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Oct 9 09, 09:52
Post
#7
|
|
 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,596 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
 Heroically done, Leo!Lightly, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner   |
|
|
|
|
Oct 12 09, 02:45
Post
#8
|
|
|
Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
HI Daniel - and thanks for popping in - I must rush to my book on How to Write Poetry - to look up, 'Heroic Verse.'
Love, leo ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Oct 12 09, 02:55
Post
#9
|
|
|
Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Good morning Wally - This one was such fun to write!
Rather in the style of Aphrodite, - 'Maid in Heaven' sprang, almost fully formed from the word list. I quite shamelessly love humorous verses - and here was my chance, Bless you for your generous comments, Hugs back, Leo ······· ······· |
|
|
|
|
Oct 12 09, 03:07
Post
#10
|
|
|
Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Hi there Alan - Wow! Thanks for your delightfully positive words! As you can see, I had a lot of fun with this one, after deciding that we were all becoming a little too serious.
I can, of course, assure you that Sally was dressed with the utmost decorum whilst kneeling at the alter. It was her pair of large ... intelligent eyes, that caught the Vicar's attention. Love, Leo ······· ······· |
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
|
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 29th April 2024 - 05:12 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
