Hair Rebellion, Wizard Award Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

I thought it was time that I wrote something light-hearted and fun.


*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

Hair Rebellion (revised)

No straight, golden locks
nor shiny silk tresses:
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick bird-nest meshes.

Cut short or grown long,
defying all taming:
hours at the salon:
a waste when it’s raining.

Carefully oiled and ironed
amid blasphemy hurled,
turn back to the mirror:
darn! It’s mockingly curled.

Despite my best efforts
to control stubborn hair,
rebellion’s inevitable
and I’m in despair.



--------------------------------
Hair Rebellion (original)

No straight, golden locks
or shiny silk tresses,
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick birds-nest meshes.

Cut short or grown long
defying all taming,
hours at the hairdresser’s
a waste when it’s raining.

Carefully ironed and oiled
amid blasphemy hurled,
turn back to the mirror:
darn! it’s mockingly curled.

Despite my best efforts
to control stubborn hair
rebellion is inevitable
and I’m left in despair.

Nina



"|1118500769 -->

[Guest__*]

Dear Nina,

Well, any day that produces a poem like this must by definition be a GOOD hair day !

No nits, but you could make taming training to get a perfect rhyme !

Love
Alan

[Guest_Cathy_*]

No straight, golden locks
or shiny silk tresses, (silken)
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick birds-nest meshes. (bird-nest)

Cut short or grown long (Long or short)
defying all taming,  (defies)
hours at the hairdresser’s
a waste when it’s raining.

Carefully ironed and oiled (switch them around?)
amid blasphemy hurled,
turn back to the mirror:
darn! it’s mockingly curled. ("still" instead of "it's"?)

Despite my best efforts
to control stubborn hair
rebellion is inevitable[;]
and I’m left in despair.  (omit and).  How about "disrepair
instead of "despair"?

It would look like this:

No straight, golden locks
or shiny silken tresses,
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick bird-nest meshes.

Long or short,
defies all taming,
hours at the hairdresser’s
a waste when it’s raining.

Carefully oiled and ironed
amid blasphemy hurled,
turn back to the mirror:
darn! still mockingly curled.

Despite my best efforts
to control stubborn hair
rebellion is inevitable;
I’m left in disrepair.

Just a thought, use or lose as you see fit!  LOL
Don't ya just hate days like this??

Cathy

[JustDaniel]

You think YOU have a problem with your hair?!  My American hair just up and LEFT!  How British of me to try to keep it and then just bid it adieu, huh?  

Anyhow, I LOVE this piece.  You make something good out of something bad.

I only wish you'd carried the metrical pattern of the first two verses consistently through into the final ones.  The first two are superb.  If you're interested in doing that, I'll try to offer suggestion (since I don't know if you're concerned with doing that, of course).  

By the way, I'm sure your hair is just fine.  I really haven't even paid attention to it in our gatherings.  

deLightingly, Daniel  

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Alan

Well, any day that produces a poem like this must by definition be a GOOD hair day !
Thanks, that would make a change.

No nits, but you could make taming training to get a perfect rhyme !
Phew! I'm glad there are no nits, they are pesky creatures to get rid of.  I do have a mites comb at the ready just in case.



Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

No straight, golden locks
or shiny silk tresses, (silken)
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick birds-nest meshes. (bird-nest)
I wonder if silken would alter the meter, though I am hopeless at judging and cannot count syllables at all.
In UK we say bird's nest, I realise I omitted the apostrophe and possibly should leave out the hyphen, will change that.


Cut short or grown long (Long or short)
defying all taming,  (defies)
hours at the hairdresser’s
a waste when it’s raining.
again changing the words possibly affect meter.

Carefully ironed and oiled (switch them around?)
amid blasphemy hurled,
turn back to the mirror:
darn! it’s mockingly curled. ("still" instead of "it's"?)
yes, no problem switching them round, not sure about replacing it's with still.  I'll think about it.

Thanks for the suggestions, they are much appreciated.

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Daniel


Anyhow, I LOVE this piece.  You make something good out of something bad.
thank you, much appreciated.  

I only wish you'd carried the metrical pattern of the first two verses consistently through into the final ones.  The first two are superb.  If you're interested in doing that, I'll try to offer suggestion (since I don't know if you're concerned with doing that, of course).  
I'm hopeless when it comes to meter.  I get totally muddled counting syllables and give up.  If you have time, I would be interested in seeing what the poem looks like with the pattern continued.

By the way, I'm sure your hair is just fine.  I really haven't even paid attention to it in our gatherings.    
ah well, I can't be in the least bit objective about my hair as I hate it so much.

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Nina,

I am quite inclined to sulk and refuse to crit this! As a lass with lank, stright, mouse-brown (and a bit of grey) hair that won't take a perm (let alone a curl) I always dreamed of raven curls ... and here you are complaining about them.

Hair Rebellion

No straight, golden locks
or shiny silk tresses,
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick birds-nest meshes.  --- last line is a bit of a tongue twister; could drop the s on birdS if you wish to help (or not - you can leave it   )

Cut short or grown long
defying all taming,
hours at the hairdresser’s  ---time with hairdressers (easier for rhythm plus loose a 'the' )?
a waste when it’s raining.  --- what waste when it's raining (loose 'a' )?

Carefully ironed and oiled  --- baDUMs a little out? 'Ironing and oiling' ?
amid blasphemy hurled,
turn back to the mirror:
darn! it’s mockingly curled.  

Despite my best efforts
to control stubborn hair
rebellion is inevitable
and I’m left in despair. --- I have NO sympathy!

Definitely a good, fun rhyme - shame we can't do a hair swap at the next MM lunch  

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

I would love to do a swap with your hair anytime.  I always wished I could have long black dead straight hair, that felt silky, rather than like dry straw.  I have to put a ton of oil on it just to calm it down as it wants to grow outwards.

Anyway, thanks for your suggestions, I'll have a look at them later (ought to go and do some work)

Nina

[Aggiel]

Nina,

You really do have some interesting topics uo your sleeves sometimes. Yes, I love talking about hair, bird's nest or otherwise. By the way, my hair
if not permed will be straight as straight can be, not much exciting to look.

I wish I have those curly locks



Aggie

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Aggie

You really do have some interesting topics uo your sleeves sometimes. Yes, I love talking about hair, bird's nest or otherwise.

LOL, thanks.  I don't talk about my hair, just moan about it loud and clear - or as a child, scream at my Mum blaming her for my frizzy curls, which my sisters managed to avoid.  I once told one of my sisters (her hair is dead straight) that if she ever got it permed, I would never speak to her again.  I must have terrified her because she has never forgotten, nor has she ever had a perm.

Nina

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Nina,
having had two daughters in the house, how many times
I have heard that expression.

All the fussin' and primping and other frustrating remarks.

Very entertaining.
Larry

[jgdittier]

Dear Nina,
I had a friend who was a lady hairdresser and so have been interested especially in this topic.
This is written tongue-in-cheek in short snappy lines that greatly enhance your disgust with the hair. I think your formula is right-on
and my suggestions only to make it moreso.
"Nor" for "or" in line 2?
As to "bird-nest", I like it better when it's being read aloud and like the
bird's nest when silent.
"Hours at the hairdresser's" sounds wordy to me and lacking the edge you want. In the states we also call them beauty parlo(u)rs or beauty shoppes. If you find "parlour" acceptible, you might use xxxxxx not the parlour (pervade; plod, prance, prowl not to, preen, primp not at).
"Oiled, ironed and squashed on,
blasphemies hurled,
my efforts may mock me,
it's curiously curled.

Take or reject but it's a topic worth exploring!
Cheers,    jgd

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Larry

having had two daughters in the house, how many times
I have heard that expression.

All the fussin' and primping and other frustrating remarks.

Very entertaining.
lol, thanks Larry, glad you enjoyed my bad hair day.  :grinning:

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Ron

This is written tongue-in-cheek in short snappy lines that greatly enhance your disgust with the hair. I think your formula is right-on
and my suggestions only to make it moreso.

"Nor" for "or" in line 2?
yes

As to "bird-nest", I like it better when it's being read aloud and like the
bird's nest when silent.
hmm, perhaps I'll leave it as bird's

"Hours at the hairdresser's" sounds wordy to me and lacking the edge you want. In the states we also call them beauty parlo(u)rs or beauty shoppes. If you find "parlour" acceptible, you might use xxxxxx not the parlour (pervade; plod, prance, prowl not to, preen, primp not at).
hmm, the posh word we might use is salon, would that work better?


"Oiled, ironed and squashed on,
blasphemies hurled,
my efforts may mock me,
it's curiously curled.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Despite this only being posted yesterday, I already seem late to the party. Oh well!

I haven't read t'other crits so all the usual apologies etc.

Some suggestions / comments:

Hair Rebellion (Great title)

No straight, golden locks
[n]or shiny silk tresses{,}[:]
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick birds[']-nest meshes.

(nor is for negatives, or is for positives, to be strictly correct but you can get away with "or" if you wish).

Cut short or grown long[,]
defying all taming{,}[;]
hours at the hairdresser’s[:]
a waste when it’s raining.

Carefully ironed and oiled
amid blasphemy hurled, (LOL)
turn back to the mirror:
darn! {i}[I]t’s mockingly curled.

Despite my best efforts
to control stubborn hair[.]
rebellion['s] {is} inevitable
and I’m {left} in despair

Thanks! I enjoyed this - first time anyone's written a poem about my mop! :)

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

You are always very welcome at the party whether late or not.

No straight, golden locks
[n]or shiny silk tresses{,}[:]
just coarse frizzy curls
in thick birds[']-nest meshes.

(nor is for negatives, or is for positives, to be strictly correct but you can get away with "or" if you wish).
yes you are right.  I'll change it.

I think I more or less agree with everything else you have suggested, so thanks.

Thanks! I enjoyed this - first time anyone's written a poem about my mop! :)
well naturally, I was thinking about your hair the whole time I was writing the poem

You know me and my hair!! It was about time I expressed my moaning creatively.

Nina

[Eisa]

Hi Nina

This one certainly brought a smile to my face. You know I think we are never satisfied with what we've got. My Hubby has lovely curly hair which I would love, but he prefers my straight hair. Well I thought it was straight until I decided to grow it a bit and the hairdresser said it definitlely has slight waves, which he carefully straightens LOL!!

I can't add anything to the great suggestions you have already had, but had to tell you how much I have enjoyed reading this one. Thanks for sharing.

Snow

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Eisa

I'm glad you enjoyed reading about my bad hair day.  I have just spent the last 20 minutes using the ceramic straightener and a ton of oil on my hair, trying to get rid of the frizz. We are never satisfied with the hair we have and I will never become resigned to mine.
Thanks for popping in and reading

Nina

[Guest__*]

Dear Ladies,

I'll swap either of you for what I've got, but think you'd be short-changed ....

Love
Alan