Realm of Fiction Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

Realm of Fiction (revised with thanks to Alan and James)

When life overwhelms,
I long to escape;
books transport me
to a different world.

Stepping through
imagination's door,
I breathe intoxicating scents -
fantasy, love intrigue -
reality fades, stress dissipates.

Eagerly, I travel
adventure’s road,
discovering treasure
on crisp, white pages.


------------------------------------------
Realm of Fiction (original)

When life overwhelms
and I long to escape;
a book transports me
to a different place.

As I step through the door
to imagination,
breathing in intoxicating scents
of fantasy, love and intrigue;
reality fades, stress dissipates.

Eagerly, I travel
the road of adventure,
discovering hidden treasure
on crisp white paper.

Nina

[Guest__*]

Dear Nina,

The thought, the sentiment, spot on. Does seem to read rather like prose, but I think that can be fixed :

When life overwhelms
and I long to escape;
a book transports me -- bookS ?
to a different place. -- I don't think you mean to rhyme, so this escape/place one jars as being a really bad one ! Be better to find a diff word to avoid that !

As I step through the door -- del as I step - perhaps Through imagination's door ?
to imagination,
breathing in intoxicating scents -- I breathe more positive way of saying ?
of fantasy, love and intrigue; -- del of
reality fades, stress dissipates. -- my ?

Eagerly, I travel -- Immersed ?
the road of adventure,
discovering hidden treasure -- del hidden ?
on crisp white paper. -- add each ? and perhaps page not paper ?

Assembled :

When life overwhelms
and I long to get out;
a book transports me
to a different place.

Through imagination's door,
I breath intoxicating scents
of fantasy, love, intrigue;
reality fades, my stresses dissipate. -- still not quite right ?

Immersed , I travel
the road of adventure,
discovering new treasure
on each crisp white page.

Nina, these are obviously just offerings, write them in or edit them out, entirely your choice.

Love
Alan

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Alan

The thought, the sentiment, spot on. Does seem to read rather like prose, but I think that can be fixed :
I must have been writing too much prose recently.

I don't think you mean to rhyme, so this escape/place one jars as being a really bad one ! Be better to find a diff word to avoid that !
I didn't notice the rhyme but I can change place to world.  Changing "long to escape" to "long to get out doesn't work for me as by reading a book is a form of escapism.

As I step through the door -- del as I step - perhaps Through imagination's door ?
to imagination,
breathing in intoxicating scents -- I breathe more positive way of saying ?
of fantasy, love and intrigue; -- del of
reality fades, stress dissipates. -- my ?
I would like to keep the idea of stepping through a door as it is a metaphor for opening the book and starting to read.

So if I were to change it in some way it would be

Stepping through imagination's door,
I breathe intoxicating scents
of fantasy, love and intrigue;
reality fades, stress dissipates.

I'm not sure why "my" needs to be added.

Eagerly, I travel -- Immersed ?
the road of adventure,
discovering hidden treasure -- del hidden ?
on crisp white paper. -- add each ? and perhaps page not paper ?
I'm not keen on immersed, but maybe engrossed.
Again I was toying between page and paper.  
I won't add each because the treasure doesn't appear on every single page

Thanks very much for your suggestions, they are much appreciated.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

I owe you a few comments / crits - sorry I’m way behind. But I couldn't resist popping in here...

Hope you find something useful, though no worries if not.

(This is rather flddley - so summary at end)

Cheerio, J.

{Realm of Fiction} [Fiction’s Realm]

When life overwhelms[,]
{and} I long to escape;
{a} book[s] transport{s} me
to a different place.

{As} I step through {the door
to imagination,}

[imagination’s door][:]

(“As” is unnecessary because of the phrasing later in the verse.)

breathing {in} intoxicating scents
{of}fantasy, love[,] {and} intrigue;
reality fades, stress dissipates.

Eagerly, I travel
{the road of adventure,}
[adventure’s road][:]
discovering {hidden} treasure (the treasure must be obscure to be discovered)
on crisp[,] white paper.

(you don’t buy the cheap paperbacks which i do!)

OK, my suggestions in summary:

Fiction’s Realm

When life overwhelms,
I long to escape;
books transport me
to a different place.

I step through
imagination‘s door:
breathing intoxicating scents -
fantasy, love, intrigue -
reality fades, stress dissipates.

Eagerly, I travel
adventure’s road:
discovering treasure
on crisp, white paper.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

This is odd - I've just seen how many of Alan's and my comments are similar. Quite strange as we often seem to approach from different directions. Anyway, off to read your response to Alan - sorry if I've repeated anything which you've already declined.

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

I owe you a few comments / crits - sorry I’m way behind. But I couldn't resist popping in here...
no problem, but I'm glad you popped in here.

Thanks for your suggestions which are very similar to Alan's and I will probably use quite a few in my revision.

(you don’t buy the cheap paperbacks which i do!)
lol, one advantage of working in a library is that I get to read the books when they first come in and no one else has read them yet.    Second hand paperbacks don't have the same feel.  I love my job. Speaking of which, I'd better go and do some work.

thanks for slipping in here and giving me some good suggestions
Nina

[Siren]

Dear Nina,

I have entered this realm over a gazillion times since I discovered the magic of fiction. My first special series was "The Magnificent Seven" and of course Fairy Tales... I was introduced to romance novels through my cousin who is now my sister in law too.

I see have some great suggestions to help tighten this up. So I'll just goo and gaa on this one and say well done...

Lovely read.

hugs
Dani

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina,

Perfect capturing of the excitement of a wonderful story. Nose in a book, wrapped up in the plot, in love with the characters, one can loose track of reality for hours.

I see Alan and James have suggested a few tweaks. To my eye the accidental rhyme in S1 is distracting, perhaps.

Already starting my collection of novels to take on holiday this summer  :cheer:

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dani

I'm glad you enjoyed this.  I have always loved to read.    We lived across the road from the library and in holidays I would borrow four books in the morning and have read them all by the afternoon and go back to change them, before they'd even had time to file my tickets away.  

I still read a lot (mostly children's fiction because of my job) and feel lost if I don't have a book to read.

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

yes, reading is the perfect way to escape.  I took a load of books on holiday, but not enough because I ran out of reading and had to make do with what the resort had on their shelves.  One book I thoroughly enjoyed as did my daughter was The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger.

To my eye the accidental rhyme in S1 is distracting, perhaps.
I take your point and will change it, but I didn't notice the rhyme and secondly I have a problem hearing the rhyme when I say these words, very odd.


Nina

[Guest_Billydo_*]

Hi Nina

Loads of suggestions here for you. I'll just say fab.

Book I read on hols ... Ask the Dust by John Fante ... blew me away ... changed my life like no other book. His writing is simply amazing.

Also got some poems by Charles Bukowski ... loved 'em.

Cheers

Mike

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Mike

Thanks, glad you enjoyed the poem.  I haven't heard of the book you mention, but I'll have a look out for it.  I see from googling that there is also a film of the book starring Eva Mendes and Colin Farrell

Nina

[Guest_Billydo_*]

Hi Nina

I did not know about the film. Can't imagine how that would work and follow the book though.

Cheers

Mike

[Guest_Nina_*]

With the help of suggestions by Alan and James, I have now made some revisions to this poem.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Nina!  :wave:

WOW! I really enjoyed this piece!  :lovie:

Isn't it wonderful to bring together imagination and fiction?  :cheer:

My only nit is to make the journey plural if you should like to.

Here would be the slight changes - please take or toss... [delete] {add}

Enjoyed!
~Cleo  :pharoah2



When life overwhelms,
I long to escape;
books transport me
to [a different] {dissimilar} world{s}.

Stepping through
imagination's door,
I breathe intoxicating scents -
fantasy, love{,} intrigue -
reality fades, stress dissipates.

Eagerly, I travel
adventure’s road{s},
discovering treasure{s}
on crisp, white pages.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Lori

Thanks for your suggestions, I'm pleased you enjoyed my journey into fiction.  I see what you suggest about changing to plural.  I think it would work for the first verse, but I think I'll leave the rest singular.

Nina