Pause for Light (revision) Options

[RC James]

Dawn didn’t come clean today, slow
and sure over the top of the ridge.

The day didn’t get past the small hours,
it lingered there in a muted haze
that also lined my cranium, a remnant
of the skull fractures from my accident.
Sunlight would have battered me more,
sparking a revolution in brain cells.

On the shore, the open sea shimmer
caused the dense grey to dissipate.
Slowly, the day insinuated itself.
Still there, the pain transformed
into an urge to get things done:
return to work that was languishing.

Dawn began to move through me.







(orig.)
Dawn didn’t come clean today, slow
and sure, over the top of the ridge.
The day remained at first light,
in a pre-dawn haze, similar to
what lined my cranium, lingering there
from the road accident. Full sunlight
would have had me squinting in pain,
and sparked a revolution in brain cells.

I walked to an open sea shimmer
under a full moon; I wanted nothing more.
The dense grey began to dissipate;
slowly, the day insinuated itself.
Still there, the pain transfomed itself
into an urging to get things done,
to resume my work that languished;
I only needed to pick it up again.

Dawn began to move through me.

[Eisa]

It sounds like you've been through a bad time, Richard. I'm so pleased to see you at MM again.

This poem is very well written - no nits from me.

Eira

[Psyche]

Hey Richard,

This is very well done. I can certainly picture how you felt during your near death experience.
And pain does worsen with strong light, it's a fact. I have Fibromyalgia, a very painful condition, and all sorts of natural things affect me, from sunlight to aromas, flavors, etc.

The feeling of wanting to get things done! I like the final line, it's quite special.

Syl