The Gay Communist Options

[Guest_TheBryBenno_*]

The Gay Communist

He dons his rainbow sickle and hammer,
talkin' about how all folks are equal.
They don't agree down in Alabamer.

Now the gun-toters and angry masses,
they looked to go ahead and string him up.
Or even choke him with poison gases.

The capitalists and the homophobes,
they funded and watched the whole, big event.
Also invited the men in white robes.

It was dawn, and the loud crowd gathered 'round,
all convinced that they'd kill this man right down.
Without a trial, guilty he was found.

He left screaming for justice and bright light,
but it seemed he had yelled his words too late.
He couldn't even try, he had no fight.

[Merlin]

Hello TBB,

I'm a pendulum between a vigilante hoard and a staged event, not knowing which one is happening.

Your language is in keeping with what I believe you're trying to do, speak for the man-on-the-street. Somehow I'm not getting the entire scene, thinking there might be more to the story.

From the other thread, having no one particular style works well for me. It made me think of a fellow I knew on a forum I no longer participate on >> he would write in one style, 4 quatrains of iambic tet, same theme in 1001 postings. It got to where I couldn't even look at his work. Variety is good, methinks.
However, I'd encourage you to let us know a bit more about you by commenting elsewhere. That way we get to see your thoughts, and can eliminate unnecessary comments. Example, one of our colleagues likes the old fashioned way best, uses inversions and such. For him, we don't have to point out that elisions aren't really today's thing.

Merlin

[Psyche]

Hello Bry,

I've been following your latest poems and see that you've had several offers to give you a hand with the metre and other aspects of your writings. Your other poem about Memory has had much positive feedback from Merlin, Thoth, Kimi, as well as Lori who has gone ahead and made a critique, which is what these forums are for. I have a feeling that you think crits are pejorative, and that's not so at all!!

The only reason I haven't been around much is that I've caught a horrid bronchitis with fever & cough in our S.H. midsummer. We're facing temps of 32 to 36ºC in the following days, and I'm stuck in bed/apartment with antibiotics and other stuff...

I'm interested in your poems but agree that a little help with metre will favour them.

On the other hand, you're under no obligation to tell anyone whether your poems are autobiographical or personal or whatever. "Goals & objectives" refer to what sort of help you're seeking from a poetical point of view. The Introduce Yourself forum is simply to say a little about yourself, because that's friendly when you join a community. A few lines will do, or else in your profile.

If any member asks you to explain your poem with regard to your personal life events, they just don't understand what the 'Poetic I' signifies.

Having said all this, I must now remind you that you only appear to have made one short commentary on somebody's poem, before posting this new one. At least that's what my feverish mind tells me! I'll not block this one right away in case I'm mistaken. Leave it to Lori!

Again, this is merely the 1-2-1 norm common to all critique forums. Your 2nd. comment must be in this forum, not any other.

Thank you, I'm glad you're back and I look forward to offering/receiving critiques as well.
Psyche

[Guest_TheBryBenno_*]

I agree that feedback should be given when it is earned, luckily I have no classes tomorrow and will have time to give more critiques to the others here.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Feedback should be given regarless of whether or not you feel it is earned. That's not the kind of attitude our members have here - you are required to give 2 critiques to every poem you post. I'm going to close this topic until the required forum participation rules have been met.

As of this writing, you need to make 4 critiques to catch up before posting a new topic again in Herme's Homilies. You had posted "Goodbye, My Memory" on Jan 21 and only made a general comment (not a critique) on Merlin's post "Hello Homely Herman" on Jan 23.

Perhaps a first place to start when offering crits is to let the poet know if you felt the title matched the 'message' you found in the poem. Then you might want to go from there. It's one of the easiest places to start when offering critiques. We can certainly give you further advise but we honestly need to hear from you when each of us makes suggestions in your threads.

Thank you.

[Psyche]

Bry, your remark "feedback should be given when it is earned" is not what we expect from our members. It's not a question of being judgemental. Your helpful collaboration is a norm in all poetry website forums, it's as simple as that.

And when poets who know a great deal about rhyme & metre offer their help, a good idea would be to visit their topics and learn from them. You can then leave a comment and be appreciative of their friendly posts to you.
If you answer "I don't know much about rhyme or metre" (and nothing else), you're not saying anything new.
From now on, please say whether you'd appreciate a helpful scan of your poem to whomever has offered assistance.

Otherwise, as Lori has said before, you should join a poetry website where your work is just exhibited as a finished piece.
Psyche

[Cleo_Serapis]

As of this writing, only ONE critique/commentary has been given; in Larry's thread, "Disaster’s Triage". This topic will remain closed until 3 more critiques have been posted to catch yourself up, Bry.