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> Poetic Challenge using Frost's "Acquainted with the Night"
Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 3 10, 18:32
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Hi all,

Based on the other two Robert Frost challenges here in Karnak, I'll throw a third into the mix. chef.gif

From Robert Frost's poem, Acquainted with the Night below, use the same last word from each line in the poem at the end of each line in your response. The words are: night, rain, light, lane, beat, explain, feet, cry, street, good-bye, height, sky, right, night.

Good luck!
~Cleo


QUOTE
Acquainted with the Night


I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain—and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right
I have been one acquainted with the night.

Copyright © Robert Frost


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 3 10, 22:06
Post #2





Guest






Hi Lori here is my reply.

I am a Friend in the Night

I am a friend in the night
when the moon is hidden by the rain.
Shadows become darker without its light,
but stars turn alleys into a lane,
and the rain, it has a steady beat,
a rhythm I find hard to explain.

Heavy is the burden placed upon my feet,
to carry me out and back without cry.
up and down that lovely street,
until I'm ready for my good-bye.

Oh, what heights we'll hit, when we hit the heights,
we'll run 'till the stars become a stream of milk in the sky.
I know now that all will be all right
because I am a friend in the night.


RF's rhyme words.
night, rain, light, lane, beat, explain, feet, cry, street, good-bye, height, sky, right, night.

3 Feb 2010
© Steve Pray
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 4 10, 06:34
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Well done, Steve! claps.gif

Now the race running.gif is ON to see who will respond next...

Enjoyed the read!
~Cleo Read.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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Larry
post Feb 4 10, 16:46
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Hi Lori and Well Done Steve,

These are such fun! Here's mine in the same sonnet form. Hope you enjoy.

Stars

They pierce the velvet curtain of the night
then fall on eyes; illuminated rain
to wash the shadowed soul. Share subtle light

where darkness dwells beside the forest lane.
Strobe softly like the syncopating beat
of creatures’ calls, all trying to explain

the mystery. A trek on silent feet
between the silvered branches. Tears I cry,
for blinding fetters fall to dream-strewn street.

Quicksilver shafts fade swiftly, no good-bye;
replenished in each moment from a height
of centuries. They decorate the sky

while never knowing how they make things right
with fiery faces smiling down each night.


Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Feb 4 10, 19:58
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Larry, well done to you also. I almost wan't going to reply to this, then stared at it for a while and said ok why not...lol. Lori, I think Birches should be the next one to follow, as that is my third Frost poem, I don't ever remember reading this one before...strange. I will see if I can come up with a follow on.

Steve
 
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Merlin
post Feb 4 10, 21:41
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Applause to both entries.

I'm sure you're all anxious to know this >>
the form is a 14 line terza rima. RF added his own unique touch.

Straight outa Wicki,
QUOTE
Terza rima is a three-line stanza using chain rhyme in the pattern A-B-A, B-C-B, C-D-C, D-E-D. There is no limit to the number of lines, but poems or sections of poems written in terza rima end with either a single line or couplet repeating the rhyme of the middle line of the final tercet. The two possible endings for the example above are d-e-d, e or d-e-d, e-e. There is no set rhythm for terza rima, but in English, iambic pentameter is generally preferred.

QUOTE
The first known use of terza rima is in Dante's Divina Commedia.


There's lots more reading available thar.


I'll consult with Trebor to see if we can spin anything off as well.

Merlin


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Larry
post Feb 13 10, 18:28
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Once more into the fray of frosty bobs.

Alone

Though some exist as if it’s always night,
while others seem to wither in life’s rain,
bemused and lost; souls blackened without light.

I’ve watched them walking down that lonely lane
of solitude. It’s though they had been beat
before the game was played. I can’t explain

why they’re so down while standing on their feet.
If thoughts were spent to recognize their cry
of anguish, guide them from that dead-end street

where there is no hello; only good-bye.
Help heart and soul escape that lowly height
to sunlit day beneath an azure sky.

A friend, some hope of future is their right
instead of disappearing into night.



Merlin, thanks for the clarification of the form. The Wiki and Dante hints were great reads also.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 23 10, 18:16
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FANTABULOUS response Larry! claps.gif claps.gif

I could really relate to the words you chose - I've been down this street! hal.gif Luckily, I'm no longer alone and definitely don't feel in the dark. cheer.gif

This is inspiring! Perhaps I'll give this one a go!

Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo pharoah2.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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Larry
post Feb 26 10, 09:12
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Hi Lori,

I'm glad for you and the light that guided you from that lonely street. There was a duality of meaning in my offering (physical and mental). Hope you caught them both. Thank you for the praise and yes, you should give it a try. They're nearly as addictive as limericks.

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 26 10, 13:04
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Thanks Larry,

Ok, here's goes (still need title - suggestions welcome)! galadriel.gif


A Wakening


In districts dimly lit it’s always night
where troubled ones cannot see through the rain
and fight to find that flicker we call 'light'.

Specters enlist the weak on 'luring lane'
priming their craft with those already beat.
These acts, often unnoticed, don’t explain

the cruel and unjust faltering of feet
on paths that yield a warning, no; a cry
for help. Can someone save them from that street?

It comes from deep within; let’s say good-bye
to fragments of ourselves. We’ll scale that height
and rise above to see a sapphire sky.

It starts today! Conquer those wrongs and right
the past; a dawning comes from fettered night.



Copyright © Lorraine M. Kanter 26 Feb 2010


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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Larry
post Feb 26 10, 14:58
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Well Hello There Lori,

Glad you finally added to the thread with one of your own. I know this is not a crit forum but may I make a few suggestions to clean up the meter and punctuation? Please!

S1L1 - In districts, dimly lit...

S3L2 - lose the caps and "no; a cry for help"

There is nothing wrong with your title, just widen it a bit to "A Wakening".

Again, welcome to the fray and excellent job!

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 26 10, 16:05
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Thanks Larry! I've made those edits - I may even post for crit. I am working on the other Frost challenge in response to yours but only have the first 2 lines (stuck on L2 as L3 starts with 'and':
Two chosen took a stand in Nether Wood
and each, though wracked with pain, endured x both


ANywho =- might have to change L2 altogether as I'm stuck at it...

HUGS
Lori eowyn.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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Larry
post Feb 26 10, 17:26
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Hey Lori,

Try to sub "and" with "though each was wracked with" or " tho' ". First two lines look like an interesting start to another Swords & Sorcerers genre poem. Looking forward to reading it.

Larry


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Feb 27 10, 07:35
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thanks.gif Larry.

If I want to follow your lead however, I'd would need to keep 'and' to start L2. I might go with only using the last words of each line in my response in that thread/challenge to start (first time out ya know). grinning.gif It'll make it easier on me, LOL.gif!

Stay tuned!
~Cleo writersblock.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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Larry
post Jan 1 14, 23:54
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Echoes

A New Year’s day that started late last night
was blessed with snow and ice. The freezing rain
made all the fireworks wet and hard to light
so I just strolled down reminisce’s lane

where celebration’s noise and light would beat
against my ears and eyes. I can’t explain
how those vibrations, not a hundred feet
from where I stood, had made me want to cry

with that explosive beauty on my street
My brave but feigned façade just said good-bye.
As spirits soared above the rocket’s height
and spread with them across a starlit sky...

I’ve missed those youthful thrills when all was right
and wish it hadn’t stormed this New Year’s night.


·······IPB·······

When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 3 14, 08:00
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What a beautiful response poem, Larry! lovie.gif

Happy New Year! PartyFavor.gif
~Cleo galadriel.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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Alan
post Mar 5 14, 02:13
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A RAVE

As I wish one and all a sweet good-night
and so step quickly out to walk in rain
then soon am quite alone, there is no light

I now traverse a simple country lane
and hear a sound, with syncopated beat
that I’m at quite a loss, how to explain

until I see a barn, and dancing feet
a rave - “Hello” I say, and then I cry
“Can I join, this is so ‘right up my street’

I dance, until it’s time to say good-bye
til dawn, the party now well past it’s height
sunlight suffuses all, a huge bright sky

it’s rare to find something that is so right
as this dance rave to brighten up my night

Alan McAlpine Douglas


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Cleo_Serapis
post Mar 5 14, 06:43
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Well done Alan!!! pharoah2.gif

Enjoyed this very much! Put on my dancing shoes! hsdance.gif

~Cleo sun.gif dance.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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Alan
post Mar 5 14, 21:55
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Dear Lori,

If you know how to dance, which is more than I do !

Thank you.

Love
Alan


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JustDaniel
post Mar 11 14, 19:39
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If I could put on dancing shoes, I'd have had exactly the same reaction as Lori, Alan!! Very well done, indeed. A wonderful departure from Frost's poem.

You used all the words, though you took considerable liberty with 'height'... if you care to peek back at it. LOL

deLightingly, Daniel sun.gif


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