I read this poem before you edited it. I miss the wet feet ending, although the alternative is ok.
The repeating beginning of stanzas 1-3 is attractive and after each 'Tonight', one does expect a thought provoking statement. I think you have mostly succeeded in this.
My suggestions would be to rethink the ending once more, mostly to capture the whole theme and see what it looks like witout all the 'the's' ( the bones, the stars, the wind, the dew)
Very soft and brittle work, in a good way.
|