Acceptance Denied Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

I wrote this for Pandora's 2nd April Challenge.  The challenge was to include at least three pairs of given antonyms which are listed below.  I would like them to remain in the poem.  Thanks to James whose poem Malice Un-forethought gave me the initial inspiration for the response to this challenge.

Acceptance Denied (revised - thanks Alan and James)

I stand without,
isolated and lonely;
an onlooker,
peering enviously
at those within;
longing for inclusion
in this exclusive group.

They stroll ahead
confidently;
acceptance
a simple formality:

I drop behind - rejected.
casualty of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.

Instinctively,
I recognise extinction -
my future.






---------------------------------
Acceptance Denied (original)

I stand without,
isolated and lonely;
an onlooker,
peering enviously
at those within;
longing for inclusion
in this exclusive group.

They stroll ahead
confident;
knowing their
acceptance
is a simple formality:

I drop behind -
rejected casualty
of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.

Instinctively I recognise -
my future brings extinction.



antonyms used:
without - within
inclusion - exclusion
behind - ahead
formality - casualty
instinct - extinct

[Guest__*]

Dear Nina,

A very good portrayal of the mechanics of exclusion. One thing I had to learn whenever this happened to me was that usually, hat sort of exclusive group was actually NOT worth joining, being rather obsessed with their own exclusivity,at the very least.

I also think you bring up very well that this is the "victim's" condition.

My only nit are with S2 :

They stroll ahead
confident;
knowing their
acceptance
is a simple formality:

They stroll ahead
confident; -- is hardly a sentence. At the very least, add a comma after "ahead" ? Or "confidently" ? Also, you could drop the words "knowing their" & "is" ?

They stroll ahead
confidently;
acceptance
a simple formality:

Include or exclude, your choice !

Love
ALan

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina.

Frank N Stein will be delighted; thank you.

Acceptance Denied (Brill title)

I stand without,

(Without is an excellent word, used too infrequently - most noted in “There is a green hill far away, without a city wall, where our dear Lord was crucified...” - meaning, I think, not that the hill has no wall (though it does not) but that it lies beyond the city walls.)

isolated and lonely;
an onlooker,
peering enviously
at those within;
longing for inclusion
in this exclusive group.

(Excellent ending couplet)

They stroll ahead
confident;
knowing their
acceptance
is {a} simple formality:

I drop behind -
rejected[.] (New line) casualty (suggest lines structure changes - please see suggestion, below).
of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.

Thus:

I drop behind - rejected.
casualty of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.

Instinctively I recognise -
my future brings extinction.

(Sorry, I don’t understand these last two lines, unless you mean:

Instinctively,
I recognise extinction -
my future.

Is that right? Make any sense?)

I hope that helps a little, Nina.

As regards the message. I do have a problem. I believe in a meritocracy; such implies a degree of elitism and exclusivity. However, simple exclusivity based on many other aspects of life (though not all) seems simple prejudice to me.

But opening doors to all can undermine certain organisations. For example, should a charity established to protect woodland allow property developers to be members? They might only wish to undermine the cause. Should a social group based on intelligence admit far less intelligent people - what would that do for discussions etc? Should established, democratic political parties admit convicted terrorists?

I think most right-thinking people (I love that phrase - so arrogant) would concur that exclusion on racial grounds was wrong - but some argue for apartheid. Should white police officers be allowed to join the Black police Officers’ Association?

Interesting poem, thank you.

J.

[Guest__*]

Dear Jox,

"Should white police officers be allowed to join the Black police Officers’ Association?"

Yes.

Or, should there be a "White police Officers’ Association?" - there certainly should. Anything else would be racist.

The only TRUE equality there is, is equality of opportunity. There can never be equality of outcome, otherwise every family would by law have to have 2.4 children.

Would do wonders for the Freezer-sales industry though !

Love
Alan

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina, Alan,

>>"Should white police officers be allowed to join the Black police Officers’ Association?"
>>Yes.

Agreed.

>>Or, should there be a "White police Officers’ Association?" - there certainly should. Anything else would be racist.

Well, I see no point. I would prefer no vlack organisations, save those to advance black culture - where, of course all colours could join. However, since there has been (may still be) predjuice, I think I understand.

>>The only TRUE equality there is, is equality of opportunity.

Very Tory. Though I agree, again. As I said, i believe in a meritocracy - though a perfect one can never exist.

>> There can never be equality of outcome, otherwise every family would by law have to have 2.4 children.

LOL. Agree there too.

>>Would do wonders for the Freezer-sales industry though !

Yuk!

Gosh, Alan, I think thee and me have political agreement. (Though I wouldn't trust the Tories to deliver on those things).

I also ought to add, I do believe in safety nets for those who cannot keep up. I am rather with Karl Marx on this:

From each, according to their abilities to each, according to their needs.

I would, however, support allowing those with abilities to keep sufficient of their gains to feel rewarded - but I do support the welfare state.

Thanks Nina and Alan.

Interesting. J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Alan

A very good portrayal of the mechanics of exclusion.
Thank you

I also think you bring up very well that this is the "victim's" condition
perhaps because I can empathise with the "victim"

They stroll ahead
confident; -- is hardly a sentence. At the very least, add a comma after "ahead" ? Or "confidently" ? Also, you could drop the words "knowing their" & "is" ?

They stroll ahead
confidently;
acceptance
a simple formality:
thanks for the suggestion, I will probably use it.

Thanks for your comments and help

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

Frank N Stein will be delighted; thank you.


Acceptance Denied (Brill title)
yes, one of my better ones.  I'm quite proud of it.

I stand without,

Without is an excellent word, used too infrequently
I'm glad you like it.  I hoped it might convey the idea of standing outside and at the same time having nothing compared to those within.

I drop behind - rejected.
casualty of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.
yes, no problem with that.

Instinctively I recognise -
my future brings extinction.

(Sorry, I don’t understand these last two lines, unless you mean:

Instinctively,
I recognise extinction -
my future.

Is that right? Make any sense?)
I struggled somewhat on those last two lines trying to get the wording right without much success.  Basically the narrator sees death as his future and that what makes him unique (this could be his culture/race or whatever the reader choses to read into it).  To fit in you have to become like everyone else and lose what makes you you.

As regards the message. I do have a problem. I believe in a meritocracy; such implies a degree of elitism and exclusivity. However, simple exclusivity based on many other aspects of life (though not all) seems simple prejudice to me.
I was thinking on the lines of prejudice, not including those who are different, including through culture, race, handicap and thinking about, for example the school playground where anyone who doesn't "blend in" is left alone outside, not invited to join in the games etc.

Perhaps using exclusive was not the best choice of words and maybe if this wasn't a Pandora's challenge I would have used a different one.

I hope that explains my reasoning a bit.  No time to continue now as lunch hour is over, but maybe later.

Thanks for all your help.

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Very sad and yet, all too true.

My only nit is:

I drop behind -
rejected casualty
of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.
I see no one else has mentioned this so it may just be me
but should line 5 be "unaccepted"?

It's really sad that we can't be accepted for who we are inside.
My daughter is disabled and has experienced being unaccepted
and unwelcome because of her differences and it has caused
her a lot of pain.  It's just not right.

Cathy

[Ephiny]

Hello Nina

This is beautifully written and very sad..all too true.  You describe the feelings that come with exclusion so well..the loneliness, the feeling of being an "onlooker" and in the moments of looking into the places, people, and groups that appear so exclusive alongside of the feeling of being different.

I drop behind -
rejected casualty
of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.

Of course, there can be advantages to the onlooker's point of view, and there are times when we feel proud of being original and unique but in instances of being faced with what we may be excluded from, you sum that up so well..and so vividly.

I love the final two lines

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

Thanks for your comments and suggestion

My only nit is:

I drop behind -
rejected casualty
of prejudice:
shunned for my differences:
unacceptable:
unwelcome.
I see no one else has mentioned this so it may just be me
but should line 5 be "unaccepted"?
unaccepted would fit very well here.  However the meaning I wanted was  not worthy of being accepted.

I am very sorry that your daughter has experienced prejudice because of her disability and felt unaccepted and unwelcome.  It is so hurtful and as you say not right.  People don't take the time or effort to discover the person within.

Hugs to her and yourself

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Lucie

This is beautifully written and very sad..all too true. You describe the feelings that come with exclusion so well..the loneliness, the feeling of being an "onlooker" and in the moments of looking into the places, people, and groups that appear so exclusive alongside of the feeling of being different.

Thanks, your comments are much appreciated and I'm really pleased that you understood exactly what I was trying to say.

Of course, there can be advantages to the onlooker's point of view, and there are times when we feel proud of being original and unique but in instances of being faced with what we may be excluded from, you sum that up so well..and so vividly.
I think you would have to be very secure in your own skin to feel proud of being original and unique.  Perhaps it is something that comes with maturity and experience.  I doubt many children feel that way or a lot of adults for that matter.

Nina

[Ephiny]

I think you would have to be very secure in your own skin to feel proud of being original and unique.  Perhaps it is something that comes with maturity and experience.  I doubt many children feel that way or a lot of adults for that matter.

That's very true..

As I reading this, the image in my mind was actually of a school corridor..

Well, I really think that this is excellent..and so well-described

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

Just looking back on your discussion which I partly answered earlier.

As regards the message. I do have a problem. I believe in a meritocracy; such implies a degree of elitism and exclusivity. However, simple exclusivity based on many other aspects of life (though not all) seems simple prejudice to me.

But opening doors to all can undermine certain organisations. For example, should a charity established to protect woodland allow property developers to be members? They might only wish to undermine the cause. Should a social group based on intelligence admit far less intelligent people - what would that do for discussions etc? Should established, democratic political parties admit convicted terrorists?

I agree with you about meritocracy and yes it implies elitism and exclusivity and I totally agree about not for example a charity not allowing property developers to be members but this is not prejudice.

I am not looking at exclusion from the point of view of the exclusive group it doesn't matter what the reasons are and how justified they are. This is about how the person on the outside, the one being excluded feels.  He/she feels different, alone, isolated, on the outside looking in at everyone being part of something, having fun, wanting to join in but not being allowed to.  He/she feels rejected, unwelcome and worthless.

I think most right-thinking people (I love that phrase - so arrogant) would concur that exclusion on racial grounds was wrong - but some argue for apartheid. Should white police officers be allowed to join the Black police Officers’ Association
Looking at your example of the White police officers being or not being allowed to join Black Police officers' Associations - if at a police station there are a group of White Officers and a group of Black Officers then  if then not allowing the White officers to join the Black isn't isolating them.  If however at the station there is only one White officer and the rest are Black, then by not allowing the White officer to join the Black Association you are isolating him and singling him out because he is different and he will be left on the outside wanting to belong.

I hope that makes my intention slightly clearer, if not I apologise but it is clear in my head even if I can't express it very well.  

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Thank you for your careful reply.

Most interesting - and, actually, I don't think I would diasgree with anything which you say - at leats not in any fundemental way.

>>I hope that makes my intention slightly clearer, if not I apologise but it is clear in my head even if I can't express it very well.

But you do express it well; very well, Nina, thank you. I see no intellectual gaps here - makes perfect sense.

I enjoyed that - great poem, leading to fascinating discussion.

We should send this to MM's questionnaire - what I like about MM.

Thanks, Nina.

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

Most interesting - and, actually, I don't think I would diasgree with anything which you say - at leats not in any fundemental way.
Phew!    

I enjoyed that - great poem, leading to fascinating discussion.

We should send this to MM's questionnaire - what I like about MM.
Thanks and yes we should send it to MM's questionnaire along with all the other comments that have come to mind, reading other people's answers, that I wish I had thought of when typing mine.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Nina.

I enjoyed this piece in Pandora and am happy to see it for critque.

You've already received excellent words of wisdom!  :cheer:


There is a truth in this - one most have experienced but would not dare to talk of. I admire that in you and this for its message.

One offering to the ending:

Instinctively,
I recognise extinction -
my future.

Instead of the closing:
How about:

past, present, future? Or was this not the person's past and present?

Well done
~Cleo  :pharoah:

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Lori

Thanks for dropping into this tile.  I'm glad you enjoyed this poem.  I found the antonyms were perfect for writing this message.

There is a truth in this - one most have experienced but would not dare to talk of. I admire that in you and this for its message.
thank you.

One offering to the ending:

Instinctively,
I recognise extinction -
my future.

Instead of the closing:
How about:

past, present, future? Or was this not the person's past and present?

I'm not quite sure what you mean.  The narrator's extinction/death can only happen in the future, unless he/she is dead already.  The narrator is looking ahead and the isolation and exclusion are killing him/her.

Nina

[Siren]

Oh Nina,

The hopelessness is tangible here... Being an outsider and shunned. Extremely effective write and written in your special style.

Great revisions.

Hugs
Dani

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Dani

The hopelessness is tangible here... Being an outsider and shunned. Extremely effective write and written in your special style

thanks so much for your lovely comments.

Hugs

Nina