The House On The Hill, A poem Options

[Guest_Jox_*]

© James Oxenholme, 2005. I, James Oxenholme, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance and other helpful comment, only.

Rhyme Scheme: Rollicking Rhyme (Intermittent Hungry House Variation)

Ref: MB 0305 AC

The House On The Hill
by MB

Eerily silent,
save the buzzing
of electric gadgets,
in The House.

Nothing stirred -
(not even the mouse),
not the slightest bed bug;
all safe and snug.

Suddenly!
From nowhere:
mournful lament -
a cry which from
Hell was sent.

Among those
voices true,
something of
The Human Zoo.
Though no one
could foretell;
that which made
the house so ill.

A certain heart -
a vital part -
of the house
was dying.
Though which?

Lined by
so many people
over the years:
that house
of painful ears.

What perils?
What went on?
Mother, Father,
Daughter, Son...
Did anyone know?
Could anyone tell?
What was happening
to The House On The Hill?

(end)

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes: acknowledgements to:

"THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS"
by Clement Clarke Moore
(thanks Nina!)

and

"The Naked Ape"
by Dr. Desmond Morris.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

An intriguing poem.  I can't quite decide whether the house is haunted or if it is the scene of something more sinister like the Fred West house. (for those who have never heard of Fred West - he and his wife lured  young girls to their house and murdered them.  The  couple had children, living there at the time.  When Fred West was arrested and put in prison he killed himself. ) I'm inclined towards the latter, though I am probably way off the mark.  Looking forward to the explanation

Nina

[Cybele]

Hi James,  

The House On The Hill
by MB

Eerily silent,
save the buzzing
of electric gadgets,
in The House.

Nothing stirred -
(not even the mouse),          
not the slightest bed bug;
all safe and snug.

L2 stanza 2 detracts from the spooky atmosphere here James. If you remove this line and run the two stanzas together the whole would have far more dramatic impact.


Suddenly!
From nowhere:
mournful lament -
a cry which from
Hell was sent.

L4 Seems inconguous James. Perhaps..

Suddenly!
From nowhere:
mournful lament
a cry that seemed
from Hell was rent

Among those
voices true,
something of
The Human Zoo.
Though no one
could foretell;
that which made
the house so ill.

L6 Foretell seems the wrong word here James. How about

Though no-one could define
that which had made
the house decline.

Lined by
so many people
over the years:
that house
of painful ears.

Last line I can't quite grasp a house having painful ears James since this imbues an inanimate object with human traits, which you assure me they don't have.

Suggest

that house
of unknown fears.



What perils?
What went on?
Mother, Father,
Daughter, Son...
Did anyone know?
Could anyone tell?
What was happening
to The House On The Hill?  (in the house on the hill?)
                                              No caps.James.

Good little ghost story I enjoyed the concept very much. I am rather partial to spooky stories.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

Thanks for your comments. Perhaps I might address them a little later, so as not to influence others' comments (if I have any more!) But, I shall reply.

In the meantime - Fred and Rosie West. After their arrest, Fred hanged himself in his gaol cell. Rosie, however, was put on trial here - in Winchester. (We have the pleasure of hosting some very big trials). I tried to get into the court room to watch a session but it was packed out with journalists - international and national. (The case involving one of Britain's worst-ever serial killings). One night, we were returning from the Bonfire NIght Fireworks (5th November each year) and realised that we were walking by the Winchester prison walls - we may have been only feet away from Rosie. A strange feeling for us. (She was, by the way, found guilty and is unlikely ever to leave gaol).

I don't wish to influence others here - just adding to the Fred & Rosie West (what innocent sounding names) story. I haven't commented on the poem yet.

Thanks again, Nina.

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Sorry to all about my typo in the tile title. I'll sort it out if I can sometime. Thanks Fran for the pointer.

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Grace,

Thanks for critting. Good to see you.

This poem has a rhyme scheme (which is why I put it into this forum) but it is deliberatly an illogical one, picking-up and dropping rhymes as it goes. I was determined to avoid any scheme which presented a pattern throughout.

Thus:

"(not even the mouse),"

>>L2 stanza 2 detracts from the spooky atmosphere here James. If you remove this line and run the two stanzas together the whole would have far more dramatic impact.

V2L2 - The mouse reference picks-up on the word "house" earlier. To swing the sound back again. It also references an earlier poem - I thought by Dylan Thomas but I can't find it - many references to such a line seem to exist from many writers. (Hence "the" mouse rather than a mouse and hance the italics). Also, it gives us a picture of two types of creature which are quiet. I'm not sure the bed bugs can carry all that quiet on their own.

The dramatic impact was supposed to hit in V3 with "Suddenly!"  I don't think I'd wish to detract from that by a previous "hit" - leave a soft intro... a quiet creeping around. So (to be perverse) I'm rather pleased you think that V1 and V2 don't have a dramatic hit - because I did want that feeling of creeping quietly around at night to be there. Sorry to be in the awkward squad again, Grace!

“a cry which from
Hell was sent.”

>>L4 Seems incongruous James. Perhaps..

>>“a cry that seemed
from Hell was rent”

But that changes the meaning, I think. “Rent” seems to suggest it was ripped out of Hell. I wanted Hell to send this as a Hellish gift. I can see that I’m going to be very awkward today, sorry!

"could foretell;
that which made
the house so ill."

>>L6 Foretell seems the wrong word here James. How about

>>“Though no-one could define
that which had made
the house decline.”

Ok, I’ll offer the first justification - with which I don’t even agree! “ill” is part of the half-rhyme with “foretell.” Having said that I never believe that one should change meaning to meet form. But that is part of the explanation.

But , also  “define” suggests post-explaining. (After the situation) I was trying to say that no one could tell before the situation - no predictions.

The term “ill” is also deliberate - giving the house an organic, living status. This house is the living star of the poem. It is every bit alive (as contrasted by the quietness of mouse and bed-bugs) as any other animal. It may, in fact, be devouring its inhabitants, who knows? Like a host becoming ill, the animals which live on it may suffer, too. I just knew I was going to be a nuisance with your kind suggestions. I am considering each carefully, I promise. Maybe too carefully!

“of painful ears.”

>>Last line I can't quite grasp a house having painful ears James since this imbues an inanimate object with human traits, which you assure me they don't have.

I don’t like pathetic fallacy where nature - or other objects (this house, for example) have human qualities - or other animal qualities, to reflect the human emotions of the characters, absolutely true. Poets, painters and prose-writers use that as a poor short-cut for human emotions. For example, “Her heart was full of hatred. She ran down the stairs as thunder filled the air and the stars wept at her plight.” Dreadful stuff (and I just wrote it so I’m critting no one but me).

However, in this poem the house is organic and that rests at the heart of the poem. So I’m not using it as an excuse not to write properly (not that, for a moment, I am claiming this is written properly - just that I’ve not relied on pathetic fallacy to do it).

>>Suggest

>>“that house
of unknown fears.”

Thanks - problem there is two-fold. It detracts from the house and it places more emphasis on the humans. With the exception of “The Human Zoo”  and the lining - which are more about the house than people in a sense, people don’t come into this until the final verse.

“to The House On The Hill?”

“ (in the house on the hill?)  No caps.James. “

The switch from “to” to “in” again places emphasis on the people and takes it away from the house. So please forgive me there, too.

The capitalisation is because we have reached the subject of the poem - and come full-circle to the title. (Which is why the phrase is in italics).

>>Good little ghost story I enjoyed the concept very much. I am rather partial to spooky stories

Well, it seems as if I’m terribly ungrateful Grace. But I’m not. I’ve just read your final line and I think it may explain why we have different approaches. Ghosts never occurred to me when I was writing this. I don’t believe in them... then again I don’t believe in organic houses (although my partner does to an extent). But I never thought of ghosts per se. A very interesting approach and, given that, many of your comments - which tend to place the emphasis on the humans, rather than the house, make a great deal of sense. I’m delighted you enjoyed this, Grace and you’ve shown me another dimension to it. Thanks for that and your hard work. I hope I haven’t put you off critting me - I really do see that, in a ghost context, many suggestions make excellent sense.

Thank you very much, Grace for your great crit and for making me think more about this. Both much appreciated. As I said, I’m delighted you enjoyed it - albeit in an unexpected way for me. (Which I rather like - new interpretations etc).

James.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi James,

Well, have been googling for D T and House on the Hill but can't find any link to a poem by that name ... does it crop up in Under Milk Wood?

The flow, rhythm and rhyme structure is very interesting and carries thru very well.

The italics in the last stanza and for The Human Zoo are for titles (perhaps) - the latter by Desmond Morris? The mouse is also italicised ... some special meaning? But not caps ... so not a title? (Well, if you're going to be "awkward" I shall retalliate with a stream of consciousness - edited for rude words).  

Eerily silent,
save the buzzing
of electric gadgets,
in The House.

"buzzing" sets up an expectation of flies (for me) so I like the twist that it's the electrical stuff ... that works with the idea you mention of the house being alive.

Nothing stirred -
(not even the mouse),
not the slightest bed bug;
all safe and snug.

But then I kinda carry that on and think of computer mice and surveillance bugs, lol. So that is probably my mind taking the electrical link too far ...

Suddenly!
From nowhere:
mournful lament -
a cry which from
Hell was sent.

I dunno, first you say it's form nowhere, then from Hell ... contradictory chap ...

Among those
voices true,
something of
The Human Zoo.
Though no one
could foretell;
that which made
the house so ill.

"voices true" refers to voices telling the truth or of a pure sound? But then, I am lost ...

A certain heart -
a vital part -
of the house
was dying.
Though which?

Lined by
so many people
over the years:
that house
of painful ears.

How do people "line" a house?

I get an image of people nailed all around the walls by their "painful ears" after this stanza (I can be awkward, too).

What perils?
What went on?
Mother, Father,
Daughter, Son...
Did anyone know?
Could anyone tell?
What was happening
to The House On The Hill?

Having great fun trying to work it out ... but The House is winning on keeping it's secrets right now.

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran, thanks for your crit,

I always maintain that readers' interpretations are all valid, providing that they can be supported by the work's words. Nina’s and Grace's are, therefore absolutely valid. However, you have come very close to my original meaning in several ways. And that must be very disturbing for you. I’m so sorry. Actually, Nina and Grace do both have some elements - specifically, the demise of humans within. But my idea was that the house was doing the killing, not humans.

The only thing which is really different in your interpretation from mine, is the computer mouse. I thought this set a few decades ago, when electricity was being introduced into houses and was a hit and miss affair - especially in this house. Anyway, you did doubt the mouse as you wrote it.

>>Well, have been googling for D T and House on the Hill but can't find any link to a poem by that name ... does it crop up in Under Milk Wood?

Have looked but to no avail, as yet. But thanks.

>>The italics in the last stanza and for The Human Zoo are for titles (perhaps) - the latter by Desmond Morris? The mouse is also italicised ... some special meaning? But not caps ... so not a title? (Well, if you're going to be "awkward" I shall retaliate with a stream of consciousness - edited for rude words).

Italics for the title, yes. I mentioned Dylan Thomas and Dr Morris just under the poem (in blue) - you’re right, t’was he.

The mouse in italics because I was referring to another poem - but I can’t find it - as I said, thought it was Dylan Thomas. (“Wales - Land of my Fathers - and they’re welcome to it.”)

Pity you had to edit that (I never consider any words rude - but their context can be fun). Well, thanks for reminding me I should have brought James Joyce in here, too.

>>"buzzing" sets up an expectation of flies (for me) so I like the twist that it's the electrical stuff ... that works with the idea you mention of the house being alive.

Thanks. You have the ideas which I had. A low hum of life and as obnoxious as flies and, like them, clearing up the unwanted matter.

>>But then I kinda carry that on and think of computer mice and surveillance bugs, lol. So that is probably my mind taking the electrical link too far ...

Ohmigod! More Americanisms... how long were you in the States for? I imagine a small area over there where your friends are going round using lots of non-American English words. :) Be fun to write a space story using NASA astronauts with Dorset accents and words.

Shuttle, this is Mission Control. Do you copy please? (Bleep)
Euston, this be Ferret One, I’ve blotted me copy book. (Bleep)
Shuttle, can you explain please? Can you see the Lunar Surface? (Bleep)
Euston, yeah, we can. I’m usin’ me copy book to draw all them-there gert big rabbit ‘oles and the ink’s flying everywhere. (Bleep)
Space Shuttle. OK, very funny. Please put space helmets on now. (Bleep)
Euston, only got me feather-hat. Ooh look, them Moon Rabbits be wavin’ at us. (Bleep)
Space Shuttle. What??? (Bleep)
Euston - be back later - must finish this Suicide Soup. Best Scrump I ever ‘ad. (Bleep)
Space Shuttle... We’ve copied it. ‘Ave a good flight. Oooh Arrgh! (Burp!)

Just an idea :)

Anyway, I “kinda” have a great interest in surveillance “bugs” - but not in this piece. (They’re in my novels all over the place).

>>I dunno, first you say it's form nowhere, then from Hell ... contradictory chap ...

emm... have to think about this - may be an error. thanks. (Marked for attention).

>>voices true" refers to voices telling the truth or of a pure sound? But then, I am lost ...

These refer-back to the mournful lament. I thought of a Scottish Glen on a cold morning. Someone’s singing piercing the air... that sort of pure voice but in a Danny Boy lament. Ok switch to Londonderry Air, not Scotland. Mournful, sad and hunting (Grace - your haunting is here).

Those voices are of our human zoo - entombed within - not in but Within - i.e. part of - the house. It has absorbed them.

>>How do people "line" a house? I get an image of people nailed all around the walls by their "painful ears" after this stanza (I can be awkward, too).

emm that is almost perfectly the image I had when I wrote this. Well done! Not actually nailed... just sucked into the house’s living fabric to nourish it. You know how some insects inject an enzyme into an animal to liquefy it from within, then suck out the juice... that sort of thing, leaving the carcases being sucked into the walls - held there. The house is actually a strange biological system.

>>Having great fun trying to work it out ... but The House is winning on keeping it's secrets right now.

Excellent! This poem is a fun one - using horror but implausible horror that is fun.

Nina, Grace, Fran...

Thanks all for your crits. I wrote this both as a semi-abstract poem (i.e. no prior meaning) and a surreal fantasy in which the house is a biological entity. As I wrote it, the meaning became clearer, so its abstract nature diminished. However, as one can see from the multiplicity of interpretations, much of that abstract nature remains. It looks like a house and can be lived in (by the family mentioned, for example) but it absorbs the humans in order to feed. Some of this I didn’t have a clue about as I wrote it - just a gothic horror fantasy. But it does (for me, at least) all seem to hold true to the basic meaning I had in mind. Even the bed bugs and mice hardly dare move in fear of being absorbed. The pitiful cries of humans being liquefied from within makes a mournful lament. However, something is wrong and the house is becoming ill. I don’t know what’s wrong with it - I’m not a house doctor! But if I had to bet, it would be this new-fangled electricity - simply doesn’t agree with house’s system. It is killing the house. Then, again, it might have been someone it ate. The poem ends on a question, to which I can only guess. I don’t believe that I have the answer.

Having said all that - Ghosts and mass murderers do fit well and are welcome alternative interpretations. Moreover, both do have elements in my original meaning. Fran - take two weeks therapy both for my rudeness about words (please forgive me, couldn’t resist) and, more worryingly, for being so close on this. Thank you.

Any other comments by yourselves and / or others, welcome.

[Guest__*]

Dear Jox,

I'm proud to say I have no idea what this is about, except that the title seems to reference "The Fool on the Hill" ?

I would also query your decision to put it into this forum : It may have the odd rhyme or 1/2 rhyme, but in no sense could it be called

"Rhyme and Meter and FIXED FORM Poetry",

since you quite deliberately say you kept to no fixed form, and the rhymes come and half-go. Meter - only the electric one ticking under the creaky old stairs, I'm afraid.

Serves you right for countering me about having rhyme v. free forums !

Nevertheless, I shall look forward to elucidation in the fullness of moon !

Love
Alan

[JLY]

James,
Much enjoyed.  Your reference to the Human Zoo has me thinking of different scenarios. Is this about some dark sinister secret that remains within the family? or is this a way to infer that there are rampant emotional problems within the family?
It seems like you are the only one who knows the truth of this story....perhaps you can give us a second edition or bring it to a enlightening conclusion.
JLY

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Alan,

Thanks for your visit.

Ah! But it's not strictly free-form either. Many of my verse works fall between these two stools. This does have a deliberate woozy rhyme so I've put it here. (In fact quite a lot of my recent experiments have been using rhyme in part for a certain effect... not saying they work but that is the intention). This one has humans drifting into being melded into the house in a sort of non-edged unreality. Hence I also wanted the work to drift in and out of rhyme in sympathy with that experience. Like drifting between being conscious and unconscious, in a way. Also, as the house is seriously ill, I wanted that threshold of loss of control, imperfection , to be there too. So rhyme is the best forum - but who said I couldn’t dream-up my own rhyme? Everyone else is at it - mine is simply unpatterned.

I usually prefer to shun rhyme altogether so I put that in FreeForm. No, this is not fixed form but it is rhyme from time-to-time. Toss of a coin but certainly nowhere near Freeform - as it was designed from the outset with rhyme in mind. The rest is, of course, mindless.

I think I've said all I can about my intentions as to the meaning in the post immediately above yours. (See "Nina, Grace, Fran" towards the bottom of my reply to Fran).

Cheers, James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi John,

Thanks for your comments.

I really don't mind what this is about. People are welcome to interpret it as they wish. It was always meant to be a somewhat abstract poem, although I did have an idea of my own meaning when I wrote it. (Shown in my reply to Fran - towards the bottom of that "Nina, Grace, Fran..." - just above Alan's post.

I think there is a dark, sinister secret, yes. It's just that the precise nature of that secret is somewhat debatable. You mention wthat remains in the family - I probably had in mind something about the family remains. From my point of view, their emotional problems die as their lament dies. But your version sounds as good as mine.

I'm not the only one who knows the truth - the house wouldn't tell me in the street. It did invite me in for a chat and a sandwich but I wouldn't fit inbetween the slices of bread.

Now a second edition is interesting... At present I'm writing about four things but I'll think about that - thanks John. And I'm also delighted that you "much enjoyed" it - that is a real pleasure for me - thank you very much.

All the best, james.


James,
Much enjoyed.  Your reference to the Human Zoo has me thinking of different scenarios. Is this about some dark sinister secret that remains within the family? or is this a way to infer that there are rampant emotional problems within the family?
It seems like you are the only one who knows the truth of this story....perhaps you can give us a second edition or bring it to a enlightening conclusion.
JLY

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Dear James,

However, you have come very close to my original meaning in several ways. And that must be very disturbing for you. I’m so sorry.

Not half as sorry as me.  
I maintain you dropped some clues in your responses to Grace and Nina.

But my idea was that the house was doing the killing, not humans.

I certainly didn't "get" that implication directly.

"buzzing" sets up an expectation of flies (for me) so I like the twist that it's the electrical stuff ... that works with the idea you mention of the house being alive.

Thanks. You have the ideas which I had. A low hum of life and as obnoxious as flies and, like them, clearing up the unwanted matter.

I didn't get the "unwanted matter" idea - very clever.

But then I kinda carry that on and think of computer mice and surveillance bugs, lol. So that is probably my mind taking the electrical link too far ...

Ohmigod! More Americanisms... how long were you in the States for? I imagine a small area over there where your friends are going round using lots of non-American English words. :) Be fun to write a space story using NASA astronauts with Dorset accents and words.

Those would, at this rate, be rude words, James.  

Very, very funny. Ha. Ha.

Erm, I come from Somerset, BTW. (Far more refined.)

The house is actually a strange biological system.

As is your imagination, James.

Fran - take two weeks therapy both for my rudeness about words (please forgive me, couldn’t resist) and, more worryingly, for being so close on this. Thank you.

James, I can see that if you are recommending I need help, I am in deep trouble.

Off to seek my sanity on my flying carpet now,

Love,

Fran

[Guest_Perrorist_*]

James, I'm supposed to be asleep but was woken by a clap of thunder. I just saw this thread as I was about to turn off my modem and, although I haven't read through it properly, feel obliged to say that

a cry which from
Hell was sent.

seems clumsy and spoils the flow.

I shall study the poem more closely when I get up later, although this may be the only sensible comment I can give.

Perry

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Fran - be back to reply later, if I may.

Hi Perry - thank you very much indeed for your nocturnal nits. (!) Sorry you have all that clapping - of thunder - out there.

The lines which you suggest mar the flow are two also picked on by Grace so, with two of you warning me now, I shall revisit them and consider that.

Thanks very much indeed, Perry!

James.

[JustDaniel]

Hey, James... I can't say that I follow your rhyme scheme... and of course there need not really BE one, except that you've posted it in the forum in which we should suspect a fixed form of some kind.  However, I don't think that what seems to be intermittent at all detracts from this interesting, engaging piece.  I too was distracted by the unnecessary words in the same lines that Perry notes. It is awkward.

So what else can I say, except...

Now who could know,
and who could tell
what's going on...
from heav'n or hell?
We'd have to go
inside and wait
with shaking legs
and halting gait...
if we'd be welcomed
to the hill...
and even then
be troubled still
perhaps with questions
left, and fears
that then could linger
through the years.

So I will pass
right by the manse,
enjoy the grass --
its vast expanse...
and let the others
ponder long
e'en if their crowd
becomes a throng...
unless you tell us
loud and clear
sometime before
next coming year.

deLighting to rollic with you (if you don't mind my attempting something of the spirit of your piece), Daniel :angry:

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Daniel;

Great to see you here.

Thank you for your point about that line. Makes three now - seems I'm out-voted. I shall be looking at that again.

Apropos a rhyme scheme. The scheme is not scientific. It is meant to rollick along with the house. If by "scheme" you mean applicable to other works; no, I have no template. Except that I see no reason why a rhyme must be fixed; variable rhyme to suit the poem (and I'm not, of course, claiming I have it right - that's partly why it's here) seems to me to be an interesting approach. If you like, sort out most of the words and all of the meaning then fit rhymes to that, rather than deciding on anything like AABBAbC etc. So the only way this scheme may be applied to other poems is to take that approach - Fix the meaning and many words then adapt some words to match the speed / pace and events. But whatever is done, it should not be a regular pattern - that just undermines the whole concept. If it is regular that's fine by me but it would be a different approach. In fact I'm only really putting this down to explain because both Alan and you have mentioned it. In practice I tried to wobble the words and rhymes to fit the decay which took place. I certainly wouldn't wish to prescribe anything for others - or myself. I don't know if that helps?

To me freeform is devoid of rhyme (except, perhaps an accidental or occasional one). So it cannot go in freeform - it has elements of both, including deliberate rhyme throughout. But increasingly I'm trying to explore and experiment with such hybrids. So unless I have my own forum - when I think I'd simply dry up (might be a good tactic, Lori!) I have to choose to fit my verse work into the most appropriate or least inappropriate forum - and this one does say "Rhyme" so in I've put it. The words "Fixed Form" are later in the definition. Needless, to say, I would try to avoid meter if I could - but since I never seem to see it... :)

Thanks for your amusing response, Daniel - that was fast work; I seldom can work at anything approaching that speed. This took me a few days to get right (in my mind, that is - ready for crit, anyway) and, though it is not many versions old, I did work for a while on each version. It’s quite an important work to me because it is (I think?? - brain fade) my first gothic horror work and, as I’ve said, another experimental piece.

Thanks for your appreciation, contribution and crit, Daniel.

Cheers! James.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

Thanks for the explanation.  I didn't get the interpretation of an almost macabre sick building syndrome killing the occupants of the house.  Fascinating!  I like the image it conjures up though.


Regarding the reference to:

Nothing stirred -
(not even the mouse),

I remember a poem we did at school which had a very similar first lines.  I don't know if it is the one you are thinking of, but your verse reminded me of it.  It is called the Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore.  Here is the link

[JustDaniel]

Hello again, James.

I don't think that what seems to be intermittent at all detracts from this interesting, engaging piece.

is what I stated above, and I think that's a fair summary of what you have just said.  [ I do have a penchant for using as few words as possible, you know. ]  I concur with you, but I'd only suggest that you give potential critters a kind of heads-up by "labeling" it as having "intermittent rhyme" or [ and I like this, from your comment ] "rollicking rhyme" or the like.

Mutual appreciation is kinda nice, isn't it!

deLighting to frolick in my own way, Daniel  :sun:

[Guest_Jox_*]

Daniel,

Thanks for the tip... I shall edit next to use your idea.

Thanks for your visits and help.

James.