Wreath of Reflection - A Season of Tears Options

[LadyEvergreen865]

Lori, your poem touches the heart. Lost my father three years ago at Christmas time. Each verse brings the bittersweet reminder of past Christmas joy mingled with loss. Loved the images you have created, the tender feelings evoked. Nicely done. :) Elaine

[Cleo_Serapis]

Wreath of Reflection - A Season of Tears

As seasons come, and seasons go,
the saddest one is laced with snow.
My closest friends, they do not know,
the pain I feel; the high, the low.

In times of joy, I cannot see
the bind that love bestowed to me.
I thought that I could find that glee,
I promised you, my lifelong plea.

I place a wreath of reflection
to share with you, my affection.
Two doves fly past, “What perfection!”
I sense their love, their connection.

I touch the stars, with festive glow,
I yearn to say, just one “Hello.”
I miss you now, I miss you so,
the tears now come, my tears do flow.

I ornament the white pine tree,
that proudly stands; your reverie.
For years we dressed it to a tee,
traditions made ~ with you, I see.

I kneel before your resting place,
I long to see your smiling face.
Our love’s memoirs, I now embrace
where time does pause, and shan’t erase.

Why did you leave, why did you go?
You colored life; did you not know?
I sing for you, a tuneless woe,
our hearts stand pure, like doves of snow.
         

© 2003 Lorraine M Kanter
All rights reserved by Lorraine M Kanter as an unpublished work.

[Charon]

How touching, how sad.  Your heart, my dear, is in this piece.  One of the best you have done.

Butch

[Cleo_Serapis]

How touching, how sad.  Your heart, my dear, is in this piece.  One of the best you have done.

Butch

Why THANK YOU kind sir!  :troy:

 :lovie:  :dance:

[Michelle]

Hi Cleo,

This is beautifully sad.  
I think the season affects
many people with sorrow
for lost loved ones.  

I really enjoyed the poems.

Great work here!


Michelle

[Guest__*]

Hi Lori
Your poem expresses what a lot of people feel over Yuletide,
Christmas is that time of year when we experience the heights and depths of emotion. It revives all of those happy memories you see. When someone leaves us, Christmas time makes remembering feel all the more poignant.
Touch him again, for one fleeting moment, and be glad that you shared something special

Big Hugz

Tom
.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Cleo,

This is beautifully sad.  
I think the season affects
many people with sorrow
for lost loved ones.  

I really enjoyed the poems.

Great work here!


Michelle

Hi Michelle.  :snowman:

Yes, often times, I find great sadness in the world, especially at this time of year.

Thanks for stopping in!

Happy Holidays!

~Cleo  :holly:

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Lori
Your poem expresses what a lot of people feel over Yuletide,
Christmas is that time of year when we experience the heights and depths of emotion. It revives all of those happy memories you see. When someone leaves us, Christmas time makes remembering feel all the more poignant.
Touch him again, for one fleeting moment, and be glad that you shared something special

Big Hugz

Tom
.

Hi Tom.

Thanks very much for stopping in.  :dove:

Happy Holidays.

~Cleo  :dove:

[Athena]

Hi Lori,

This poem is beautiful, albeit sad.  I began crying about in the middle and soon realized I was crying for the desperate loss of my first-born son ... his delight with Christmas.   How he loved the music, sparkle, smells, and tastes of Christmas!

Whatever the yuletide jesters offered him, he was made happy.   No matter  the gift he received, he was always most sincerely grateful.  The food always the most delicious.  The church services, or even simple biblical readings, were the best he'd ever heard.   My only sibling, my brother, was the same way.  I wonder if they both still enjoy Christmas or if this celebration is only on earth.  I mean, they have the real thing where they are...

Thank you for this lovely rendering, Lori.

Merry Christmas Hugs,
Dolly  

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Cleo,

Very nice through and through.

What I term pleasing sing-song lines:
As seasons come, and seasons go,
I miss you now, I miss you so,
Why did you leave, why did you go

They add a tender rocking chair motion like you are singing a lulaby.  A few more would enhance.  Ignoring meter a suggestion is:
As time may pause, time shan't erase

I am looking at rhyme scheme.
stanza 1 = a--go
stanza 2 = b--see
stanza 3 = c--tion
stanza 4 = a--glow
stanza 5 = b--tree
stanza 6 = d--place---a break in the pattern with expectation of "c."
stanza 7 = a--go---I am looking at stanzas 1 & 7 as mating set: see below.

Repeating end rhymes:
R1: go    @  lines 1 & 25
R2: snow @ lines 2 & 28
R3: know @ lines 3 & 26
R4: see   @ lines 5 & 20

What is my point?  Although masters practice it, I cringe a tad seeing identical words at endings of rhyming poem...unless incorporating a structural purpose. In this poem I see repeats R1 through R3 providing a structural edifice.

R1 through R3 are in first and last stanzas.  I consider these as a mechanical loop from end to beginning due to 3 out of four rhyme repeats.  A positive effect is built in of exiting via entrance which I believe may be enhanced if respective line rhymes are identical. A respectful suggestion is:

As seasons come, and seasons go        
my closest friends, they do not know    
the pain I feel, the high, the low;          
the saddest one is laced with snow. direct modifier to pain, but still also describes season.

Why did you leave, why did you go?      
You colored life you did not know. suggested rewording
I sing for you, a tuneless woe,
our hearts stand pure, like doves of snow. This is first plural from first person point of view--why?

Line 14: "just one" bothers me.
I yearn to say one more "Hello."
is suggested to bring out tension of repeat hello which reinforces first meeting. A significant act of intentionally refreshing intitial contact.

The meter flows very well and the intertwining cross references make for pleasurable multiple reading.

I think subtitle of a season of tears can be aborted because the poem itself carries this more poignantly.  A preview in words detracts from elegance of emotion provided in verse.

Thanks for the outstanding experience.

Don

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Lori,

This poem is beautiful, albeit sad.  I began crying about in the middle and soon realized I was crying for the desperate loss of my first-born son ... his delight with Christmas.   How he loved the music, sparkle, smells, and tastes of Christmas!

Whatever the yuletide jesters offered him, he was made happy.   No matter  the gift he received, he was always most sincerely grateful.  The food always the most delicious.  The church services, or even simple biblical readings, were the best he'd ever heard.   My only sibling, my brother, was the same way.  I wonder if they both still enjoy Christmas or if this celebration is only on earth.  I mean, they have the real thing where they are...

Thank you for this lovely rendering, Lori.

Merry Christmas Hugs,
Dolly  

Hi Dolly!

My apologies for not responding earlier!  :speechless:

Thanks very much for your heartfelt words! Yes - this is meant to be a sad piece, but also a loving one (if that makes any sense)?

I'm most certain they are celebrating in the Heavens and looking over you as well.  :sun:  :angel:

Again, thanks to YOU for stopping in and commenting!

Happy Holdays always Dolly!

Love,
Lori  :lovie:

[Cleo_Serapis]

H E L L O DON!

My my, I want to thank you very much for your wonderful comments on this piece! My apologies for not responding sooner!

Iw ill most definitely take your thoughts under advise when I sit down and think on revisions in the future.

Again -thanks so much!
Happy Holidays always!
~Lori :)

[Cleo_Serapis]

Lori, your poem touches the heart. Lost my father three years ago at Christmas time. Each verse brings the bittersweet reminder of past Christmas joy mingled with loss. Loved the images you have created, the tender feelings evoked. Nicely done. :) Elaine

Thank you Elaine for sharing your response with me!

While a 'tender' topic, I am inspired by your reaction.

May your memories all hold a special place in your heart. . .



~Lori  :angel: