 Night Swan, old structural poem |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Poetry Exhibition -> Plato's Pearls of Wisdom  |
 Jun 1 05, 09:44
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#1
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry  |
Night. Moon beams glow. Silver eaves adorn beechen greens. Slight zephyrs blow, wooing leaves into a dance unseen. Bright rays shadow in nooks of citadels, and preen their light into wreathes circling a glittering form-- luscious and lean, white as snow-- it drifts o'er a lake's reflected sheen; ignites a need to flow and unite with this entrancing scene as this glorious bird bows her head in graceful repose. A queen imbued with richly colored beauty. Splendid and enchanting. ·······  ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner     |
  
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| Guest__* |
Jun 1 05, 15:12
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#2
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Dear Dani,
Since this was not for crit, I nearly skipped it, then remembered that I like your unique poets-eye view of things. Then I opened the page, and just the image took my breath away ! Oh, and then I got to read the poem too, and I have to say, so often in shape poems you can see where words are "squeezed" to get the shape. Not here, what you say is quite beautiful and totally appropriate ! I also love the tease where you seem to be talking about everything else under the moon, and just when one thinks what has this to do with the shape, you stop scene-setting and introduce your star .... Very well done. Love Alan |
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| Guest_Nina_* |
Jun 1 05, 15:21
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#3
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Hi Dani
I think the shape of the swan you have created is awesome. I was so busy admiring the image that I almost forgot to read the poem. The two compliment each other wonderfully and the words are as graceful as the swan. Nina |
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Jun 1 05, 18:29
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#4
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Alan,
Thank you so much for your comment. This was inspired by John Hollander's "Swan and Shadow"... I became so enchanted by the structure that I wrote my own Swan poem, though without a shadow. LOL! I'm so glad it worked for you... this is one of my work of which I am proud. Hugs Dani PS: Did you notice that it rhymed too? LOL! ······· ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner |
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Jun 1 05, 18:32
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#5
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry |
Sweetest Nina,
I am so honored by your comments. :) The image took my breath away when I saw it in a poetry anthology I have. This was written over two years ago... Glad you enjoyed it... Hugs Dani ······· ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner |
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| Guest__* |
Jun 1 05, 18:49
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#6
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Dear Dani,
No I had not, but now I've checked the rhyme too. I think earlier, I would have noted if it did NOT rhyme, if you see what I mena ! Love Alan |
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Jun 1 05, 18:59
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#7
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry |
Yeah I know Alan...
I rarely rhyme, so that is why I had to boast a little..  LOL!Hugs Dani ······· ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner |
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 Jun 7 05, 16:42
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#8
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Dani,
Yours is the first "shape" poem I've read carefully. I'm slowly catching up with modernity. You've opened up this new interest in poetry as your piece is splendid and enchanting. What looks potentially easy isn't, and I'll be reading your and other "shapes" in the future. Thanks! Cheers, jgd ······· ······· |
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Jun 7 05, 17:16
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#9
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry |
Dear JGD,
I'm glad mine is the first shape poem you've read. It isn't easy but it is fun to do. I hope you'd try one someday. Thanks for dropping in on this one. Hugs Dani ······· ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_Toumai_* |
Jun 8 05, 01:45
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#10
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Dear Dani,
This is so enchanting. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. It glides effortlessly, like it's inspiration, rhyme barely noticed in the glimmering life. Love Fran |
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Jun 8 05, 05:26
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#11
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Dani!
 This is absolutely beautiful! Not only is the shape stunning, but so is the poem itself. You've wrapped it up perfectly in your closing: Splendid and enchanting.  ~Cleo :) ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner       |
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Jun 8 05, 10:02
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#12
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Fran,
Thank you s much for the praise. It is one of my work that I take pride in. :) Thanks... Hugs Dani ······· ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner |
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Jun 8 05, 10:07
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#13
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 1,547 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia Member No.: 13 Real Name: Daniah Writer of: Poetry |
HI Cleo,
Thanks sweetie for the kind words. :) Glad you enjoyed it... Hugs Dani ······· ·······Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones." MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_poeticpiers_* |
Sep 3 06, 16:56
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#14
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concrete poetry often fails to catch the image in recognisable fashion.Not so this one instant recognotion
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Dec 4 06, 12:16
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#15
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 Greek Posts: 624 Joined: 6-August 03 From: Texas Member No.: 15 Real Name: Marcia Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
The poem flows as gracefully as the bird itself . A lovely poem, Dani,.....you have good reason to be proud of this one !
Marcia 
······· ·······"...We are born into the world like a blank canvas
and every person that crosses our path takes up the brush and makes their mark upon our surface. So it is that we develop. But we must realize there comes a day that we must take up the brush and finish the work. For only we can determine if we are to be just another painting or a masterpiece..." 1981 Javan (from the book " Meet Me Halfway" ) MM Award Winner |
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