 Shaken by Faith's Voice |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Mar 6 04, 15:25
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 Egyptian  Posts: 388 Joined: 26-October 03 From: Southeast USA Member No.: 37 Real Name: Jan Writer of: Poetry  |
Her spirit walks on bended knee each passing day
as she wakes with the first rays, knowing what to say: "Lord, give him strength these days to do a few more things that he loves to do- just a few more things, Lord." She beams, telling me- "My husband drove the car today. God is so good to us. He does provide." I walked away from Love's grand candlelight flickering through my heart, shaking my spirit's knees. Šjtl04 ·······  ······· |
  
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Mar 6 04, 18:59
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Dear Jan
Hmmmm. I would not presume to offer any crit on this until I know if it is from life, or your creation ? Also, if it is about you and/or someone close to you, or not. Sounds like a long and slowly developing tragedy ..... Love Alan |
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Mar 6 04, 19:34
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Egyptian Posts: 388 Joined: 26-October 03 From: Southeast USA Member No.: 37 Real Name: Jan Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Alan,
My friend's husband has cancer, and the doctors have just told the family that nothing else can be done. It's a matter of time. So...yes, it's the beginning of a tragedy. Thanks for the read~ Orion ······· ······· |
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Mar 6 04, 19:39
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Jan ~ :)
What a poignant piece! I think your friend would love this one! :lovie: My one nit for you to "T or T" is in the closing: I walked away from Love's grand candlelight flickering through my heart, shaking my spirit's knees. Perhaps a change from grand to grandiose? Lovely! ~Cleo :pharoah: ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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