Fenced In, Swap Quatrain Options

[JLY]

Revised: 8/10/09

FENCED IN

Under a trepid guise, a cloudless night
summons a veil of anxious, eerie light;
haunting, vagabond ravens apprise
a cloudless night under a trepid guise.

Ravaged by fright, a belief once pallid
evokes refrains from a macabre ballad;
frozen figures reveal misery’s plight,
a belief once pallid, ravaged by fright.

Hysteric squalls fade in a spiritless mist,
but battered, weary egos still persist
as insecure emotions are hard to evade;
in a spiritless mist hysteric squalls fade.

Corral your fears with walls and fences,
barriers primed to curb dicey offenses,
often dreaded as sequestered spheres,
with walls and fences corral your fears.

FENCED IN

Under a trepid guise, a cloudless night
summons a veil of anxious, eerie light;
haunting, vagabond ravens apprise
a cloudless night under a trepid guise.

Ravaged by fright, a belief once pallid
evokes refrains from a macabre ballad;
frozen images illuminate misery’s plight,
a belief once pallid, ravaged by fright.

Hysteric squalls fade in a spiritless mist,
but battered, weary egos still persist
as insecure emotions are hard to evade;
in a spiritless mist hysteric squalls fade.

Corral your fears with walls and fences,
barriers primed to curb dicey offenses,
often dreaded as sequestered spheres,
with walls and fences corral your fears.

[jgdittier]

Dear JLY,
I'm impressed whenever I read a "swapper" as I know they are fraught with difficulties.
I feel heroic myself when I attempt one.
My thought is- in that the form is so strict anf the swaps so difficult to manage, focus must be placed elsewhere as the swaps just can't be so perfect as they are the highlight of the piece. It seems to me that if they can be managed just to sound natural, some other element of the piece can garner the most attention. For me, it's just gotta be the flow. (It seems to me it always is, regardless of the choice of form.)
My guess is that tetrameter does it best and metric substitutions
unbalance the piece.
You are a powerful factor in writing these and I'd greatly appreciate your comments as to how to maximize them.
Cheers, Ron jgdittier