 Englyn Penfyr, Poetic Form Exercise |
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 Oct 27 03, 19:08
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#1
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 Greek  Posts: 532 Joined: 4-September 03 From: Northwest Coast Member No.: 29 Writer of: Poetry  |
Englyn Penfyr:
params; triplet stanza, 10-7-7 syll count, xxxxxx Axb (bxx)xxxA xxxxxxA wherein A = main rhyme, b = secondary rhyme in any of the first 3 syll positions of L2 ·······  ······· |
  
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Oct 27 03, 19:10
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#2
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Greek Posts: 532 Joined: 4-September 03 From: Northwest Coast Member No.: 29 Writer of: Poetry |
Marooned
I drift on liquid glass, a mirrored plane feigning slight movement shoreward, yet only stars have soared. I bobble on ripples from stones once tossed, a hostage to wishes thrown, lost in silent seas, alone. ······· ······· |
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Oct 31 03, 18:56
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#3
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Ohhhhhh! :StarWars1:
THANKS MICHELLE! :detective: Another new form for me to try! My my - I can see my time on the Mosaic getting busier and busier with writing new tiles hopefully as we all learn something new! Cool! :cool: LOVE your piece - very metaphorical! :lovie: :lovie: Perhaps you'll share this one in other forums here? b  Hugaroooos! ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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Nov 1 03, 01:16
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#4
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,596 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Ok, MIchelle, how about this?
Who’d Ms Lead? There’s no kismet if oracle mouths wrong: her love song is mythical; her kiss metaphorical. Who’d dare to ask… and never adamant… Had ever sinned old Adam if Eve’d not played the madam? © Daniel J Ricketts 01 Nov 2003 sLightly weary, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner   |
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Nov 1 03, 02:14
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#5
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Dear Daniel
Your sign line on this one might have read : sLightly wary, Daniel ! You'll have the feminists after you for this. According to the rules this is a perfect example too,and, as I'msure your getting bored hearing from me, very clever ! Love Alan |
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Nov 1 03, 06:15
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#6
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,596 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Thank you, Alan, but I see by the morning light that I think I have goofed the second stanza... and that I'd had another mental lapse when I substituded "when" for "if" in the first line of the first stanza, totally spoiling the effect of the sound! (I just re-inserted 'if,' if you don't mind.)
Now it's off to the armory for a day in a strange looking uniform! Blessings to all. I'll be back... I hope. blinkin' in de Light, Daniel :sun: P.S. As for the feminists... well, they can deal with it, right? 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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Nov 2 03, 05:49
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#7
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Greek Posts: 532 Joined: 4-September 03 From: Northwest Coast Member No.: 29 Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Cleo, thanks for the encouragement!
When I get time to critique, I think I will post this. Great idea! Michelle ······· ······· |
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Nov 2 03, 06:04
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#8
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Greek Posts: 532 Joined: 4-September 03 From: Northwest Coast Member No.: 29 Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Daniel,
Wonderful first try! I think in the second stanza you have the rhymes mixed. (shoot I saw a mistake in mine and fixed it tonight) Who’d Ms Lead? There’s no kismet if oracle mouths wrong: her love song is mythical; her kiss metaphorical. Who’d dare to ask… and never adamant… Had ever sinned old Adam>>>this should rhyme with the 10th syllable - but it does with the 8th if Eve’d not played the madam?>>>this should rhyme with the 8th but it does with the 9th Wee Ms Leed Didn’t God make Eve to say Come Hither, the Morther - Adam’s soft plum, designed to tempt AND succumb? It isn’t passions’ fruit of soul or flesh, meshing man in sin’s control, but Self vying for God’s role. ······· ······· |
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Nov 2 03, 06:16
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#9
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,596 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Fer sher, I ain't arguin' with ya, Michelle! I'll be back when I can. I'm in the funny uniform again today -- and we'll have further word today whether 50 or more of our squadron are going to be mobilized by the middle of the month for duty in Iraq. I wouldn't be one of them,but I'd sure be involved in family support. Even longer days and nights may be ahead.
Cathch ya when I can. I haven't been able to critique myself for some time now! hangin' on in de mornin' Light, Daniel :sun: ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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Nov 4 03, 23:33
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#10
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Greek Posts: 532 Joined: 4-September 03 From: Northwest Coast Member No.: 29 Writer of: Poetry |
Daniel, my prayers are with you and yours, friends and family. Three of my daughter's friends will be immobilized. They recieved a certified letter and a phone call. They are national guard. These are interesting and hazardous times with live in.
All my best, Michelle ······· ······· |
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