Banks Lake, Washington Options

[Cyn]

Banks Lake, Washington - revised

A finger of ice
crept southward
into the neck of Idaho,
blocked the Clark Fork, flooded
frozen valley floors,

formed the inland sea,
Missoula,
held and ringed
by whitened crags
like mammoth saw’s teeth,
gleaming or colossal shards
of glass.

Ten thousand years have passed
since this grand coulee’s birth,
where Banks Lake lies in lee
of Steamboat Rock, steadfast,
unmoved by ice and earth.

When Missoula Lake broke free,
one last ground-shaking shock,
ran, fast, toward the sea,
the rock exposed her belly
of stepped basalt
and shale.

The river bored
a trail, a tumult of debris;
the torrent raced and roared
two-hundred miles downstream,
the slurry of passed lives swept up
like broken glass
and leaves.

Today the steamboat’s prow,
as if still against that flow,
ever angles, nose upstream.
While western grebes glide, quiet,
as a heron hunkers low
like a gnarled and stunted tree.

My fingers trail the water
while I watch an autumn sky
swish her mare’s tails, mirrored
on this languid lake of glass,

where, swift and deep,
a vast and mud-filled fury
once had flowed,
now dammed
to life’s reflection
and today’s
soft shades of gold.



Banks Lake, Washington original

A finger of ice
crept southward
into the Idaho Panhandle,
blocked the Clark Fork, raised
waters to flood valleys, formed an inland sea
ringed by whitened crags like mammoth saw’s teeth
and colossal shards of glass.

Ten thousand years have passed
since this grand coulee’s birth,
where Banks Lake lies in lee
of Steamboat Rock.
When Missoula burst her banks and ran,
one last explosive shock, fast toward the sea,
the Rock exposed her belly
of stepped basalt and shale

to the torrent’s roar. The river bored
five hundred feet of ice and earth,
a tattered trail, a tumult of debris,
miles and miles downstream,
the slurry of passed lives swept up
like broken glass

Today the Steamboat’s prow,
as if still against that flow, eternally
angles upstream. And the western grebe glides,
quiet, while a heron hunkers low
like a gnarled and stunted tree.

My fingers trail the water as I watch the autumn sky
swish her misty mare’s tails, mirrored
on this tranquil languid lake,
where once a fury flowed, now dammed
to a reflective life where October’s gold
shines on its surface of glass.

Cynthia Neely

[JustDaniel]

I'd never heard of Banks Lake, Cyn, but I hope I may even be able to see it in November... if the snow stays away till after I leave! As I recall, my Dad's two older brothers worked on the Grand Coulee Dam that created the lake, as this link shows. Some pretty neat pictures at that site! Thanks for making me do a bit of research, Cyn!

Honestly, as my eye goes over this beautiful historical revue in the specatular poem, I find on my first reads nothing that leaves a cataract in its flow. Dammed good!

deLightingly, Daniel

[Cyn]

Thanks Daniel, and for the great links
I have revised this to help it be less prosey, hope it is improved

[TygerTyger]

Cyn,

Once again, I find myself a little jealous of the natural beauty you are able to surrounded yourself with. Canada, Washington: Ever been to Alaska? I hear it's stunning in Spring, like no other place on The Earth.

Well, your poem captures, with it's descriptive detail, all that one would expect from such a well practiced recorder of natural beauty as yourself.

And you also made it personal and historical as well. It's a good 'un!

So, here then are my comments for your consideration:

A finger of ice
crept southward
into the neck of Idaho,
blocked the Clark Fork,
and flooded frozen valley floors, <- If "flooded" is part of the thought in the next line, does it seem better placed here? And does it read better with 'and' added?

forming the inland sea, <- Of course if the changes above are used then this change would have to be made.
Missoula,
held and ringed
by whitened crags
like mammoth saw teeth,
gleaming,
or colossal shards of glass. < - If "saw" is to be possessive wouldn't it require an 'a' before 'mammoth'? Or how about just dropping the possessive? What do you think of these line break changes? It keeps the same number of lines but, to my ear, seems to keep the thoughts seperated better while emphasizing "gleaming" to make the crags feel more meanacing. Would you also consider droping "shards of glass" as you use the metaphor in another place in this poem and it's really the weaker of the two metaphors here.

Ten thousand years have passed
since this grand coulee’s birth, <- Very nice double entendre here!
where Banks Lake lies in lee
of Steamboat Rock, steadfast,
unmoved by ice and earth.

When Missoula Lake broke free, <- Good shift from description to some action
one last ground-shaking shock, <- How about 'earth-shaking' to notch up the scale a bit?
running toward the sea, <- 'running' and 'fast' seem redundant here. While changing run to a participle (I know you don't like 'ing') emphasizes that it was the rock that exposed her belly through the shock wave not the lake's movement that uncovered it, which I think is what you were intending to convey. Of course, I could be all wet!
the rock exposed her belly
of stepped basalt
and shale.

The river bored a trail,
a tumult of debris,
as the torrent raced and roared <- I think these suggestions help to emphasize the rhyme of 'debris/trees' which, by adding 'as', increases the forward motion of the poem helping the reader to feel the rush of the river.
two-hundred miles downstream,
the slurry of passed lives swept up <- Did you mean 'past'? Just wondering.
like broken glass
and leaves.

Today the Steamboat’s prow, <- I think steamboat was better left capitalized here since it was established to be a proper name earlier in the poem
as if still against that flow,
ever angles, nose upstream.
While western grebes glide, quiet,
as a heron hunkers low <- Very nice assonance in these two lines and serves well to emphasize the calm nature of the lake after our wild historic ride in the previous two stanzas.
like a gnarled and stunted tree.

My fingers trail the water
while I watch an autumn sky
swish her mare’s tails, mirrored
on this languid lake of glass, <- LOVE this stanza!

where, swift and deep,
a vast and mud-filled fury
once had flowed. <- Period not a comma?
Now its dammed
to life’s reflection <- Again a very good double entendre in these two lines!
and today’s
October gold. <- A great ending with that subtle rhyme!

As you wish!

Dennis!

And thank you, Daniel, for sharing your research to help others better appreciate this poem.

[Eisa]

Hi Cyn

You have some beautiful images here and not much to comment on. A few thoughts~

Banks Lake, Washington - revised

A finger of ice
crept southward possily pointed southward
into the neck of Idaho,
blocked the Clark Fork, flooded
frozen valley floors,

formed the inland sea,
Missoula,
held and ringed
by whitened crags
like mammoth saw’s teeth, I feel saw teeth might be better
gleaming or colossal shards
of glass.

Ten thousand years have passed
since this grand coulee’s birth,
where Banks Lake lies in lee
of Steamboat Rock, steadfast,
unmoved by ice and earth.

When Missoula Lake broke free,
one last ground-shaking shock,
ran, fast, toward the sea,
the rock exposed her belly
of stepped basalt
and shale.

The river bored
a trail, a tumult of debris;
the torrent raced and roared
two-hundred miles downstream,
the slurry of passed lives swept up
Do you mean past lives -- or lives passed away?
like broken glass
and leaves.

Today the steamboat’s prow,
as if still against that flow,
ever angles, nose upstream.
While western grebes glide, quiet,
as a heron hunkers low
like a gnarled and stunted tree.

My fingers trail the water
while I watch an autumn sky
swish her mare’s tails, mirrored
on this languid lake of glass,
Lovely image
where, swift and deep,
a vast and mud-filled fury
once had flowed,
Now its dammed
to life’s reflection
and today’s
October gold.
beautiful ending

[Cyn]

Hi Snow
Thanks for your visit.

I do want to say crept, because that is what the glacier did, it crept down from Canada and made a lake with that finger of ice.

Passed was intentional as in all the living things it passed and sucked along with it in this cataclysmic flood, and a play on words for past lives.

I will look at dropping the possessive from saw