 Senryu for Jane Eyre |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 May 29 06, 21:14
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#1
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in  |
Senryu for Jane Eyre Mr. Rochester's insane wife screams at the moon. Jane Eyre waits in fear. Peggy Carpenter Harwood ·······  ······· |
  
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| Guest_Nina_* |
May 29 06, 23:46
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#2
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Hi Peggy
Firstly a very warm welcome to Mosaic Musings. I hope you are finding your way around the site. If you need any help or have any questions please don't hestitate to ask. You can send me a private message by clicking the PM button at the bottom of this post. An interesting Senryu. I like the picture you've created of Jane Eyre and Mr Rochester's wife. I'm not an expert on form so I can't comment on the technical aspects but I did enjoy the read. Nina |
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| Guest_poeticpiers_* |
May 30 06, 02:07
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#3
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A whole volume in 17 syllables well done ivor
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| Guest_Jox_* |
 May 30 06, 02:28
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#4
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Hi Peggy, a warm welcome to you from me, too.
I hope you'll be very happy at MM. If you'd like to know anything please just ask the staff (e.g. Nina, me etc). I hope - and believe - that you will find everyone very friendly here, have fun and progress your writing. Good luck and welcome aboard. "Senryu for Jane Eyre (Good title - tells us all we need to know) I'm no form expert, either but certainly this conforms to the oft-stipulated 5,7,5 syllables, has a "cut" between second and third line, does not rhyme etc (Haiku family) and is about people, not specifically nature (Senryu). So it seems to fit to me. Moreover, (as Ivor mentions) it says much in afew words. I have never read Eyre but I do know your poem to be an accurate reflection of the book's plot, with Mrs Rochester locked in the tower. So, well done - nothing to suggest nor to detract from the poem. A great start to MM! Again, welcome. James. |
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| Guest_Toumai_* |
May 30 06, 02:56
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#5
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QUOTE(Peggy Carpenter Harwood @ May 30 06, 03:14 ) [snapback]76230[/snapback] Senryu for Jane Eyre Mr. Rochester's insane wife screams at the moon. Jane Eyre waits in fear. Peggy Carpenter Harwood Hi Peggy and a warm welcome from me, too. This senryu fits the bill for the story very well indeed. There was a craze a while ago for potted novel synopses in very few words (I forget the rules); perhaps we should start a new challenge for setting them in the form of a senryu?  Fran |
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Jun 4 06, 15:45
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#6
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hello Peggy and a warm welcome to MM!
   This is a great first post - Senryus are a clever form, aren't they? It forces us to choose every word so carefully.  QUOTE Mr. Rochester's insane wife screams at the moon. Jane Eyre waits in fear. I cannot see anything by way of suggestions to offer here as I enjoyed this as is.   Instead, I will offer you just a word substitute for your choosing (or tossing) - I always say take or toss anything I offer - your tile is your own.  Here goes: insane wife Feel free to ask me any questions that you may have and welcome!  ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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