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SPIRIT VOICES - *** |
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Jun 18 15, 19:05
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 399
Joined: 11-April 13
From: Australia - The great Southern Land
Member No.: 5,178
Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn
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EDITED VERSION ...
SPIRIT VOICES … Maureen Clifford © The #ScribblyBark Poet
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea ‘cross oceans broad around the world from waters shallow, waters deep. Its columellar folds displayed soft pastel pink and shimmery white, a subtle glazed pearlescent sheen that captured the first morning light tinged softest rose – the folded lips were touched with sable, subtle, deep and in its depths were purple hues like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea
SPIRIT VOICES … Maureen Clifford © The Scribbly Bark Poet
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea ‘cross oceans broad around the world from waters shallow, waters deep. Its columellar folds displayed soft pastel pink and shimmery white, a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen like enamel in morning light, sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips were touched with sable, subtle, deep and in its depths were purple hues like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea
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Jun 22 15, 15:48
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 19,130
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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I hear it right along with you, Maureen. Delightfully done! Lightly grinnin', Daniel
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Jun 25 15, 10:23
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Maureen,
Glad to see you back and posting once more.
I did enjoy your tetrameter sonnet with its random rhyme scheme but don't know what kind of critique you need with your 3*** notation.
On the other hand, Spirit Voices brings back wonderful memories from childhood trips to the beach. Even as I got "much" older, I still enjoyed the susurrating sounds that Mother Nature whispered in my ear.
Thanks,
Larry
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Jun 26 15, 23:05
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 2,085
Joined: 24-May 04
From: Time, Immoral
Member No.: 66
Writer of: Poetry
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Nice images, Maureen. I've been into the spirits a little myself so perhaps that helps.
While the noises are definitely a pleasant surprise, it's the sounds of silence that I appreciate most nowadays.
Merlin
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Nov 7 15, 14:57
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Babylonian
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 138
Joined: 11-May 10
From: california
Member No.: 1,120
Real Name: karen
Writer of: Poetry
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Hi Maureen,
I really loved this, it's a beautiful poem. I sort of floated away while reading it. The only thing I could see that was slightly off, was that I think this line below needs shifting a few words, slightly. I gave an example below just to throw out an idea. Anyway thank you for posting this enchanting piece!Either way it is lovely.
a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen,
like fused enamel, morning light,
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea ‘cross oceans broad around the world from waters shallow, waters deep. Its columellar folds displayed soft pastel pink and shimmery white, a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen like enamel in morning light, sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips were touched with sable, subtle, deep and in its depths were purple hues like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.
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Nov 9 15, 02:10
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Ornate Oracle
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 9,313
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
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Maureen, this is a delightful sonnet, like music to my ears. You've achieved wondrous imagery and a mystical nuance...I mean the spirits from the sea and the shells.
Where I live, many people speak to the spirits in nature, asking them questions. We have spirits in trees, lakes, springs and of course we have Mother Earth. And Father Sun. But the silence can be overwhelmingly "communicative"...
So I can relate to your sonnet easily. I've lived on islands and near seasides! I used to have a fantastic collection of seashells, of all sizes. Over the years they've been displaced, or people simply pinched them. Sad.
I'm so glad you're back posting here, Maureen.
In answer to Larry's question, the 3 *** mean that you're willing to have plenty of constructive crits, right? Lori established that about a year ago, I believe.
I'll not do that now, as it's after 4 a.m. Just wanted to greet you. And received this delightful piece before going to bed!
Hugs, Syl***
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Mis temas favoritos The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!MM Award Winner
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Nov 21 15, 07:25
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 250
Joined: 1-November 15
Member No.: 5,282
Real Name: richard chase
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Rhapsody
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Maureen - some lovely images, true devotion to our natural surrounds. I think it should be "columnar" but I may be wrong on that. Nicely done, RC
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Dec 6 15, 01:21
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 399
Joined: 11-April 13
From: Australia - The great Southern Land
Member No.: 5,178
Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn
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Thanks everyone for reading and commenting - RC - Not sure RC whether in fact shells do actually look like this but this is what I was thinking of - Columella - a small rodlike bone in the middle ear that transmits sound to the inner ear: Merlin - Hope you enjoyed the spirits however they came to you Anaisa - thanks for that suggestion - certainly will give that consideration Syl - thanks for poking me again to come and check out the page
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Dec 8 15, 00:37
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Ornate Oracle
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 9,313
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting
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And I'll keep poking you now and then, Maureen!
I see you've showcased some poems, but I'll read them another day. It's nearly 3 a.m.
Cheers, Syl***
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Mis temas favoritos The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
"There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction."
Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!MM Award Winner
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Dec 12 15, 22:17
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter
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Hello Maureen, I believe we have crossed paths at some point, although it has to have been a few years. You may know me as poetprncess. Either way, I love the tenderness in this and that it is simple enough to be powerful. I am drawn in each line by the loveliness of inner sounds and alliteration. I did however, stumble a few times with the end lines. As it felt as though it would be traditional enough to use an end rhyme scheme, however it's there ... then it isn't. Some images such as in L6 I can close my eyes and envision the views and colors. In L7, subtle felt weak, as if used until something more powerful came along. However, I cannot offer anything more fitting at this time. I keep thinking of something that means elusive or faint... I will keep thinking on it. L9, I hear a trip in meter. Perhaps.. " on sweetly tinged rose - folded lips" ... Well, I will keep an eye on this, it is so lyrical. I do hope I have left something of worth, otherwise, please use or lose any suggestions. Best Wishes, Liz QUOTE (Maureen @ Jun 18 15, 19:05 ) SPIRIT VOICES … Maureen Clifford © The Scribbly Bark Poet
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea ‘cross oceans broad around the world from waters shallow, waters deep. Its columellar folds displayed soft pastel pink and shimmery white, a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen like enamel in morning light, sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips were touched with sable, subtle, deep and in its depths were purple hues like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea
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Dec 16 15, 19:37
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Mosaic Master
Group: Praetorian
Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Hi Maureen,
This is absolutely beautiful. It's always a pleasure to read your work. Just a few thoughts below.
She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea ‘cross oceans broad around the world from waters shallow, waters deep. Its columellar folds displayed soft pastel pink and shimmery white, a glazed pearlescent subtle sheen I think this line sounds better this way round a subtle glazed pearlescent sheen like enamel in morning light, this line seems a bit bumpy to me, perhaps enamel in the morning light sweetly tinged rose – the folded lips were touched with sable, subtle, deep and in its depths were purple hues like skies at dusk – dark moody blues.
Beautiful images
Eira She held the shell up to her ear and heard the spirit of the sea [/quote]
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Dec 17 15, 15:30
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Maureen,
Just dropped in to see if any edits had been made. Referencing Sylvia's comment - I know what the 3 *** mean, just not what kind of help is required. Rhyme scheme, metrics, etc. or if you want it to be partially rhymed, iambic, anapest ??????? Donno!
I still love the picture you gave us and the memories "Spirit Voices" brought back.
Larry
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Dec 18 15, 05:17
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 399
Joined: 11-April 13
From: Australia - The great Southern Land
Member No.: 5,178
Real Name: Maureen Clifford
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:arnfinn
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THANKS EVERYONE for your help and suggestions - I have put up the edited version, I think it's better.
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