 Lost, A Flashback, free verse |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Nov 12 08, 12:01
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#1
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in  |
Lost, A Flashback
Doing sixty, I almost miss the exit. Winding round the ramp, I find myself in a dark, derelict neighborhood on a dead end street. Night's blackness fills the skeletal sepulchers of once inhabited houses. The winter wind whips litter in my headlight beams. I shouldn't be here. In the rearview mirror I see the flashing lights of a police cruiser. I put on my brakes and quickly check the door locks. A uniformed policeman walks up to my window. I inch it down a bit. "What are you doing here?" he asks. "I must have taken the wrong exit off the toll road. I'm lost." "Bad place to be this time of night! Follow me." "Thank you!" I reply with a deep sigh of relief. Peggy Carpenter Harwood ·······  ······· |
  
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Nov 15 08, 11:32
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,877 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Dear Peggy,
I've been here twice already, but my PC is being refurbished and I'm using a Win98 that takes ages.... This is an excellent poem, very powerful, and I promise to return after Tuesday when, hopefully, I'll have my PC back from the technician's. Congrats! Syl*** ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Nov 15 08, 15:52
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#3
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Sylvia,
Thanks so much for reading! I'm really glad you think it is good!! I know about "sick" computers! Ha! This one's mouse needs a new ball, and its slowness is driving me up the wall! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Nov 16 08, 08:35
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#4
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Peggy,
You fulfill brilliantly my statement that a poet should be able to make transcend even the most mundane. Well done. Only change I would offer is to delete the 's of headlights'. Not incorrect, but un-needed ! Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Nov 16 08, 09:33
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#5
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Alan,
Thank you so much for your approving words!!! I do like to take the mundane and attempt to make it dramatic. I wrote a poem about a gesture once, and it was fun to do. In fact, I think I might post it today. Oh, I like your poem take off on "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" very much!! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Nov 22 08, 05:31
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#6
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
A vivid sketch that really captures the moment extremely well. I once found myself in a similar situation so I can empathize. I will never forget the feeling of rising panic as realization of the tenuousity of the situation sinks in. Very well written indeed.
Hugs, Wally ······· ······· |
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Nov 22 08, 07:47
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#7
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Wally,
Thanks so much for the empathy and the praise! Much appreciated!!! As for the feeling inside when it happened, I wouldn't want to go through that again!!! Ha!! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Dec 27 08, 18:43
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#8
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Nicely done Peggy - this one had me sitting on the edge of my chair.
A few thoughts -- Doing sixty, I almost miss the exit. [I] winding round the ramp [and] I find myself in a dark, derelict neighborhood on a dead end street. I've tried a slight change in L 2/3 so that 'I' is not repeated so close together. I'm loving all the 'd' sounds at the end of this st Night's blackness fills the skeletal sepulchers of once inhabited houses. The winter wind whips litter in my headlight beams. I shouldn't be here. In the rearview mirror I see the flashing lights of a police cruiser. I put on my brakes and quickly check the door locks. A uniformed policeman walks up to my window. I inch it down a bit. Perhaps this could me more concise In the rearview mirror a police cruiser's flashing lights make me brake. "What are you doing here?" [he asks.] "I must have taken the wrong exit off the toll road. I'm lost." "Bad place to be this time of night! Follow me." "Thank you!" I reply with a deep sigh of relief. I'm relieved there is a happy ending here Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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Jan 13 09, 08:03
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#9
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Eisa,
Sorry I took so long getting back to you! Thanks for the suggestion! I fixed it. Peggy ······· ······· |
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