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Poetic Challenge using Frost's "Acquainted with the Night" |
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Feb 3 10, 18:32
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Mosaic Master
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Hi all, Based on the other two Robert Frost challenges here in Karnak, I'll throw a third into the mix. From Robert Frost's poem, Acquainted with the Night below, use the same last word from each line in the poem at the end of each line in your response. The words are: night, rain, light, lane, beat, explain, feet, cry, street, good-bye, height, sky, right, night. Good luck! ~Cleo QUOTE Acquainted with the Night
I have been one acquainted with the night. I have walked out in rain—and back in rain. I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane. I have passed by the watchman on his beat And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet When far away an interrupted cry Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye; And further still at an unearthly height, One luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right I have been one acquainted with the night.
Copyright © Robert Frost
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Guest_ohsteve_*
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Feb 3 10, 22:06
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Guest
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Hi Lori here is my reply.
I am a Friend in the Night
I am a friend in the night when the moon is hidden by the rain. Shadows become darker without its light, but stars turn alleys into a lane, and the rain, it has a steady beat, a rhythm I find hard to explain.
Heavy is the burden placed upon my feet, to carry me out and back without cry. up and down that lovely street, until I'm ready for my good-bye.
Oh, what heights we'll hit, when we hit the heights, we'll run 'till the stars become a stream of milk in the sky. I know now that all will be all right because I am a friend in the night.
RF's rhyme words. night, rain, light, lane, beat, explain, feet, cry, street, good-bye, height, sky, right, night.
3 Feb 2010 © Steve Pray
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Feb 4 10, 06:34
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Well done, Steve! Now the race is ON to see who will respond next... Enjoyed the read! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Feb 4 10, 16:46
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Lori and Well Done Steve,
These are such fun! Here's mine in the same sonnet form. Hope you enjoy.
Stars
They pierce the velvet curtain of the night then fall on eyes; illuminated rain to wash the shadowed soul. Share subtle light
where darkness dwells beside the forest lane. Strobe softly like the syncopating beat of creatures’ calls, all trying to explain
the mystery. A trek on silent feet between the silvered branches. Tears I cry, for blinding fetters fall to dream-strewn street.
Quicksilver shafts fade swiftly, no good-bye; replenished in each moment from a height of centuries. They decorate the sky
while never knowing how they make things right with fiery faces smiling down each night.
Larry
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Guest_ohsteve_*
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Feb 4 10, 19:58
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Guest
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Larry, well done to you also. I almost wan't going to reply to this, then stared at it for a while and said ok why not...lol. Lori, I think Birches should be the next one to follow, as that is my third Frost poem, I don't ever remember reading this one before...strange. I will see if I can come up with a follow on.
Steve
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Feb 4 10, 21:41
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From: Time, Immoral
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Applause to both entries. I'm sure you're all anxious to know this >> the form is a 14 line terza rima. RF added his own unique touch. Straight outa Wicki, QUOTE Terza rima is a three-line stanza using chain rhyme in the pattern A-B-A, B-C-B, C-D-C, D-E-D. There is no limit to the number of lines, but poems or sections of poems written in terza rima end with either a single line or couplet repeating the rhyme of the middle line of the final tercet. The two possible endings for the example above are d-e-d, e or d-e-d, e-e. There is no set rhythm for terza rima, but in English, iambic pentameter is generally preferred. QUOTE The first known use of terza rima is in Dante's Divina Commedia. There's lots more reading available thar. I'll consult with Trebor to see if we can spin anything off as well. Merlin
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Feb 13 10, 18:28
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Once more into the fray of frosty bobs.
Alone
Though some exist as if it’s always night, while others seem to wither in life’s rain, bemused and lost; souls blackened without light.
I’ve watched them walking down that lonely lane of solitude. It’s though they had been beat before the game was played. I can’t explain
why they’re so down while standing on their feet. If thoughts were spent to recognize their cry of anguish, guide them from that dead-end street
where there is no hello; only good-bye. Help heart and soul escape that lowly height to sunlit day beneath an azure sky.
A friend, some hope of future is their right instead of disappearing into night.
Merlin, thanks for the clarification of the form. The Wiki and Dante hints were great reads also.
Larry
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Feb 23 10, 18:16
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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FANTABULOUS response Larry! I could really relate to the words you chose - I've been down this street! Luckily, I'm no longer alone and definitely don't feel in the dark. This is inspiring! Perhaps I'll give this one a go! Enjoyed the read, ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Feb 26 10, 09:12
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hi Lori,
I'm glad for you and the light that guided you from that lonely street. There was a duality of meaning in my offering (physical and mental). Hope you caught them both. Thank you for the praise and yes, you should give it a try. They're nearly as addictive as limericks.
Larry
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Feb 26 10, 13:04
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Thanks Larry, Ok, here's goes (still need title - suggestions welcome)! A Wakening
In districts dimly lit it’s always night where troubled ones cannot see through the rain and fight to find that flicker we call 'light'.
Specters enlist the weak on 'luring lane' priming their craft with those already beat. These acts, often unnoticed, don’t explain
the cruel and unjust faltering of feet on paths that yield a warning, no; a cry for help. Can someone save them from that street?
It comes from deep within; let’s say good-bye to fragments of ourselves. We’ll scale that height and rise above to see a sapphire sky.
It starts today! Conquer those wrongs and right the past; a dawning comes from fettered night.
Copyright © Lorraine M. Kanter 26 Feb 2010
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Feb 26 10, 14:58
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Well Hello There Lori,
Glad you finally added to the thread with one of your own. I know this is not a crit forum but may I make a few suggestions to clean up the meter and punctuation? Please!
S1L1 - In districts, dimly lit...
S3L2 - lose the caps and "no; a cry for help"
There is nothing wrong with your title, just widen it a bit to "A Wakening".
Again, welcome to the fray and excellent job!
Larry
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Feb 26 10, 16:05
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Mosaic Master
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Thanks Larry! I've made those edits - I may even post for crit. I am working on the other Frost challenge in response to yours but only have the first 2 lines (stuck on L2 as L3 starts with 'and': Two chosen took a stand in Nether Wood and each, though wracked with pain, endured x bothANywho =- might have to change L2 altogether as I'm stuck at it... HUGS Lori
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Feb 26 10, 17:26
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 11,505
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Hey Lori,
Try to sub "and" with "though each was wracked with" or " tho' ". First two lines look like an interesting start to another Swords & Sorcerers genre poem. Looking forward to reading it.
Larry
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Feb 27 10, 07:35
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Mosaic Master
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Larry. If I want to follow your lead however, I'd would need to keep 'and' to start L2. I might go with only using the last words of each line in my response in that thread/challenge to start (first time out ya know). It'll make it easier on me, ! Stay tuned! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Jan 1 14, 23:54
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Group: Gold Member
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From: Springfield, Louisiana
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Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
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Referred By:Just wondered in.
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Echoes
A New Year’s day that started late last night was blessed with snow and ice. The freezing rain made all the fireworks wet and hard to light so I just strolled down reminisce’s lane
where celebration’s noise and light would beat against my ears and eyes. I can’t explain how those vibrations, not a hundred feet from where I stood, had made me want to cry
with that explosive beauty on my street My brave but feigned façade just said good-bye. As spirits soared above the rocket’s height and spread with them across a starlit sky...
I’ve missed those youthful thrills when all was right and wish it hadn’t stormed this New Year’s night.
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Jan 3 14, 08:00
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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What a beautiful response poem, Larry! Happy New Year! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Mar 5 14, 02:13
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Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
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Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends
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A RAVE
As I wish one and all a sweet good-night and so step quickly out to walk in rain then soon am quite alone, there is no light
I now traverse a simple country lane and hear a sound, with syncopated beat that I’m at quite a loss, how to explain
until I see a barn, and dancing feet a rave - “Hello” I say, and then I cry “Can I join, this is so ‘right up my street’
I dance, until it’s time to say good-bye til dawn, the party now well past it’s height sunlight suffuses all, a huge bright sky
it’s rare to find something that is so right as this dance rave to brighten up my night
Alan McAlpine Douglas
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Mar 5 14, 06:43
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Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
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From: Massachusetts
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Referred By:Imhotep
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Well done Alan!!! Enjoyed this very much! Put on my dancing shoes! ~Cleo
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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
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Mar 5 14, 21:55
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Group: Gold Member
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Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
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Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends
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Dear Lori,
If you know how to dance, which is more than I do !
Thank you.
Love Alan
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Mar 11 14, 19:39
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
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Referred By:Lori
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If I could put on dancing shoes, I'd have had exactly the same reaction as Lori, Alan!! Very well done, indeed. A wonderful departure from Frost's poem. You used all the words, though you took considerable liberty with 'height'... if you care to peek back at it. LOL deLightingly, Daniel
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