 No Ancient Rhyme, Rondeau |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Mar 16 05, 10:20
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#1
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 18,578 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
No Ancient Rhyme
An ancient rhyme, for bards as I melts into sky, so broad and high; it stretches out ability to grasp its meaning in a sea of grand confusion ‘til I sigh… Ah, why is it that I can’t fly on wings of eagles? I hear my sad flapping wings that would belie an ancient rhyme. E’en ducks will quack a swift Goodbye! and leave me paddlin’ all awry in puddled tears that mirror me a feather-brained monstrosity whose quills could ne’er attempt to ply an ancient rhyme. © Daniel J Ricketts 16 March 2005 ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Mar 16 05, 12:11
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Hi Daniel. :oops:
I am going to lock this tile until tomorrow as you had already posted "Elephants Demand A Tension" on 3/14/05 so this one needs to wait another day as per MM's forum rules of 1:3:2 (1 post every three days with 2 required crits). I will re-open this one tomorrow for you. Have a good day. Lori :sun: ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner      |
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Mar 16 05, 20:05
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#3
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Topic re-opened (for our overseas members).... a few hours early.
Cheers. :StarWars1: ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Mar 17 05, 19:05
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#4
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 2,085 Joined: 24-May 04 From: Time, Immoral Member No.: 66 Writer of: Poetry |
 Hello Daniel, You've taken a form that I enjoy immensely and given it wings. The rondeau has so many possibilities, and seems to lack limitations. To give you my critical once-over, I try to stay away from using the word "so" as a descriptive. (L2) I have to ask "how so?" Usually one can come up with an alternate, and in this case, I'd suggest "both" as "quite" would be equally unacceptable. Verse 2 appears to be rhyming all in "a", rather than aab. Is that intentional? I'm not a great fan of elisions, but will accept these since the tone is about bards of old. Therefore, they seem to belong. Good on ya for delivering a spirited posting. Merlin ······· ······· |
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 Mar 18 05, 11:12
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#5
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Daniel,
This was worth the wait! "Grats too to Cleo for keeping us in line. Cleo, we know it's tough love. I suppose all forms of poetry are constantly morphing. This is a particular issue for me as while I promote poetry as written by the bards of yore, I've morphed some too. Purity of purpose is hard to keep in poetry! Cheers, jgd ······· ······· |
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Mar 21 05, 07:52
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#6
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,578 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Thank you, Lori... for gentle and firm oversight...
Eric for your careful eye... forcing me to make a revsion... Ron, for your kind, appreciative visit. I'll be back to y'all with a revision when I can. Lightly for now, Daniel :sun: ······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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