On Midnight's Horizon, Wizard Award Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

*Graphic provided by
Celtic Castle Designs

I was coming home late last night with my daughter after collecting her from a party.As we walked down the road she was composing a few lines of poetry. Her thoughts inspired me to write this:

On Midnight's Horizon

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
cast shadows
on dusky pavements.

Full Moon rises -
luminous gold
splashes black sky.

Silence enfolds
deserted,
lamp-lit streets.

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination.

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling tendrils of creativity reach out:
ghostly images form
on mind’s horizon.




Midnight (original)

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
project shadows
onto dusky pavements.

Full Moon rises -
gold luminosity
slashes black sky.

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets.

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination.

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity
reach out,
as ghostly images
form on mind’s horizon.



Copyright Nina 2006

Nina

[Arnfinn]

[quote name='Nina' date='Jun 12 06, 21:47 ' post='76922']
I was coming home late last night with my daughter after collecting her from a party.As we walked down the road she was composing a few lines of poetry. Her thoughts inspired me to write this:

G'day Nina

Ye olde bewitching hour

Midnight

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
project shadows
onto dusky pavements. I can see the picture- 'project' seems a bit clinical 'cast' perhaps?

Full Moon rises - <<< Bit south of you... does the moon rise at Midnight in your neck of the woods?
gold luminosity
slashes black sky.

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets.<<< Good tie-up, Nina, silence and deserted. 'Silence wraps round deserted, lamp lit streets.' <<< what a delight.


Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination. <<< good lead into the next stanza. ( Take deep breaths)

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity
reach out,
as ghostly images
form on mind’s horizon. <<< mind thoughts influenced by shadows no doubt?



Some excellent mood imagery reflecting on interactive exchanges between mother and daughter.

Regards,


John

[Guest_Nina_*]

G'day to you John (or g'night as ti is 23.08 here)

Ye olde bewitching hour

indeed

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
project shadows
onto dusky pavements. I can see the picture- 'project' seems a bit clinical 'cast' perhaps?

I was trying to avoid using cast as it is the commonly used word to describe shadows.

Full Moon rises - <<< Bit south of you... does the moon rise at Midnight in your neck of the woods?
gold luminosity
slashes black sky.

at 11pm the moon was only just appearing on the horizon, so yes it was still climbing in the sky.

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets.<<< Good tie-up, Nina, silence and deserted. 'Silence wraps round deserted, lamp lit streets.' <<< what a delight.

thank you :)

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination. <<< good lead into the next stanza. ( Take deep breaths)

Ta muchly

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity
reach out,
as ghostly images
form on mind’s horizon. <<< mind thoughts influenced by shadows no doubt?

absolutely. I find it the night can feel somewhat spooky and creepy.

Some excellent mood imagery reflecting on interactive exchanges between mother and daughter.

Thanks very much. Yes we were having an interesting conversation then thinking poetry.

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

Isn't it great? Just be open to what and who is around us and we can be inspired!

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
project shadows
onto dusky pavements.

Maybe:
lush-leafed trees,
shadowed sillhouettes
on dusky pavements.

Full Moon rises -
gold luminosity
slashes black sky.

I've not seen a golden moon. The ones I've seen here are silver-ish. Using silver would add to the alliteration in those two lines (although... a golden moon sounds beautiful)

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets. Gives a feeling of aloneness ...

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination.

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity
reach out,
as ghostly images
form on mind’s horizon. Beautiful imagery!

Use or lose ... as you see fit! *smiles* Thanks for the read!

Cathy

[Guest_ferns_*]

Nina, I love your work! I am there on your walk with you. I cannot add much to previous suggestions, except for a word to replace "project"..how about "paints shadows".....

Regards,

I was coming home late last night with my daughter after collecting her from a party.As we walked down the road she was composing a few lines of poetry. Her thoughts inspired me to write this:

Midnight

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
project shadows
onto dusky pavements.

Full Moon rises -
gold luminosity
slashes black sky.

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets.

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination.

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity
reach out,
as ghostly images
form on mind’s horizon.

Copyright Nina 2006

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

Isn't it great? Just be open to what and who is around us and we can be inspired!

It is great and I have to grab inspiration when it comes. Inspiration doesn't always come easily.

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
project shadows
onto dusky pavements.

Maybe:
lush-leafed trees,
shadowed sillhouettes
on dusky pavements.

I think I prefer to use another word instead of project and keep the rest as it is.

Full Moon rises -
gold luminosity
slashes black sky.

I've not seen a golden moon. The ones I've seen here are silver-ish. Using silver would add to the alliteration in those two lines (although... a golden moon sounds beautiful)

The moon did look more gold than silver.

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets. Gives a feeling of aloneness ...

Thanks, that is exactly what I wanted.

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination.

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity
reach out,
as ghostly images
form on mind’s horizon. Beautiful imagery!

Thanks muchly

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Ferns

Nina, I love your work! I am there on your walk with you. I cannot add much to previous suggestions, except for a word to replace "project"..how about "paints shadows".....

Thanks very much indeed. As I said to Cathy, I can see project needs replacing. I always felt it wasn't quite right but I couldn't think of a better word. I shall give it some thought.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi all

I've revised this slightly and decided to go back to cast instead of project as I couldn't think of anything better.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

All the usual. (This is your revision but I have not read any crits, nor your replies - apologies for etc). Hope something helps.

Well done.

J.

======================

Midnight

Heat hangs (good allit)
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
cast shadows
on{to} dusky pavements.

Full Moon rises -
luminous gold
slashes black sky. (Too violent - “parts maybe?)

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets. (Can streets by wrapped?)

(maybe "creeps along" OR "enfolds" OR "Absorbs"?)

Midnight’s mystery (good allit)
bewitches imagination. (good verse)

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity ("snaking" and "tendrils" are tautological in this context).
reach out,
as ghostly images
form on mind’s horizon.

Full suggestion (may include ones not mentioned above):

Midnight

Heat hangs
in still, night air;
lush-leafed trees
cast shadows
on dusky pavements.

Full Moon rises -
luminous gold
parts black sky.

Silence enfolds
deserted,
lamp-lit streets.

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination.

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling tendrils of creativity reach out,
as ghostly images form
on mind’s horizon.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

Thanks for this.

Full Moon rises -
luminous gold
slashes black sky. (Too violent - “parts maybe?)

yes, you're probably right. Not sure about part though, makes me think of the sky being divided.

Silence wraps round
deserted, lamp-lit streets. (Can streets by wrapped?)

(maybe "creeps along" OR "enfolds" OR "Absorbs"?)

ok, enfolds gives the same feeling.

Midnight’s mystery (good allit)
bewitches imagination. (good verse)

Gossamer thoughts unfurl;
swirling, snaking tendrils of creativity ("snaking" and "tendrils" are tautological in this context).

are they?

Thanks very much for the suggestions, very helpful as always.

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina

I love the idea of walking home late on a warm evening, thinking poetry as you go.

The title is ok, but not exciting (sorry); I think it deserves something more evocative?

Lovely use of alliteration and assonance.
The scene is beautifully set

Only one possible suggestion

swirling tendrils of creativity reach out,
as ghostly images form

you could lose the "as" (with a semi-colon or colon at the L-end before).

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Morning Fran

>F>I love the idea of walking home late on a warm evening, thinking poetry as you go.

Yes, a rare moment with my daughter who doesn't like poetry much, though she thought up a poem that night and has written one in her English lesson during the week. She's much happier writing stories.

>F>The title is ok, but not exciting (sorry); I think it deserves something more evocative?

any suggestions?

>F>Lovely use of alliteration and assonance.
The scene is beautifully set

thank you

>F>Only one possible suggestion

ok

swirling tendrils of creativity reach out,
as ghostly images form

>F>you could lose the "as" (with a semi-colon or colon at the L-end before).

yes, could easily do that.

thanks

Nina

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina

>F>The title is ok, but not exciting (sorry); I think it deserves something more evocative?

any suggestions?

not at the moment ... will think on't

Fran

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Nina,

>N> Thanks for this.

My pleasure.

>N> yes, you're probably right. Not sure about part though, makes me think of the sky being divided.

I thought that is what you meant by "slashes"? Like a knife divides skin. Did you mean "streaks" then?

>J> ("snaking" and "tendrils" are tautological in this context).
>N> are they?

err, yes I think so... A tendril is a plant's climbing "limb" which is snake-like in that it slithers and twists around an upright - very boa. So, when you say a tendril, we know if will have a snaking motion - that is what tendrils do.

>N> Thanks very much for the suggestions, very helpful as always.

My pleasure.

Any use:

Midnight Poetry
Poetry by Midnight
Midnight Duet
Two by Two by Midnight
Midnight Creation
Midnight's ghost

etc...

J.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi J

Thanks for returning.

>J>I thought that is what you meant by "slashes"? Like a knife divides skin. Did you mean "streaks" then?

I've changed it to splashes now.

>J>err, yes I think so... A tendril is a plant's climbing "limb" which is snake-like in that it slithers and twists around an upright - very boa. So, when you say a tendril, we know if will have a snaking motion - that is what tendrils do.

ok, thanks

>J>Midnight Poetry
Poetry by Midnight
Midnight Duet
Two by Two by Midnight
Midnight Creation
Midnight's ghost

Hmmm not sure about any of these for the title.

Nina

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Nina.

There's alot to like in this poem!

Midnight’s mystery
bewitches imagination.

As for a new title idea, I was admiring the lines above and thought of "Nox" - the Roman goddess of night.

Full Moon rises -
luminous gold
splashes black sky.

It might be my old noggin here: when I think of moonlight, I think of milky blue, not gold as gold to me signals the dawn. Is this what you are saying or is it the horizon changing colors because the moonlight reflects off the darkness?

'Mind's horizon' leaves so many possibilities to the reader here that I find the ending very cool in this context.

Cheers
~Cleo

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Lori

There's alot to like in this poem!

Thanks muchly

As for a new title idea, I was admiring the lines above and thought of "Nox" - the Roman goddess of night.

ermm, never heard of her. My knowledge and interest in mythology is pretty low.

Full Moon rises -
luminous gold
splashes black sky.

It might be my old noggin here: when I think of moonlight, I think of milky blue, not gold as gold to me signals the dawn. Is this what you are saying or is it the horizon changing colors because the moonlight reflects off the darkness?

I do too. However on the night I'm describing, the moon really did look gold as it rose in the sky at about 11pm when I went to collect my daughter from a party.

'Mind's horizon' leaves so many possibilities to the reader here that I find the ending very cool in this context.

thanks very much.

Nina

[Maggie]

Hi Nina,

Beautiful poem! Well done! How about titling it one of the following.

Midnight's Evocations

Midnight's Summonings

Just a thought. I truly appreciate the read!!

Peggy

[Peterpan]

Hello Nina~

You are writing about my favourite topic! Night time and the moon! I really enjoyed your source or stimulation. I have a wonderful friendship/relationship with my daughter and we also 'stimulate' each other into writings. She is very critical of my writing. I enjoy her input.

I tend to agree with the title being more 'withering' or provocative - what about Wuthering Night?

You have had a lot of feedback and advice so I will only offer my two pence on the title.

Good luck and if you need more suggestions I can put my thinking cap on further.

Thank you for the excellent read. Oh and I loved the 'wrapped' part of the poem!!! But, sometimes I tend to disagree with Jox! Sorry Jox!!

PP

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Peggy

Thanks very much for your kind words and the suggestions for a title. I in turn appreciate you reading and commenting.

Nina