DO YOU SEE ME CRY?, Australian Bush Poetry Options

[Maureen]

DO YOU SEE ME CRY?

Maureen Clifford ©

Sometimes I wonder if you see right through me
or do I seem diminished in your eyes
for days go by without a tender word love,
you touch my tears. But do you see me cry?
For am I not the same even though altered?
And can I not inspire you yet again?
The same old games been played through generations,
and always there is pleasure with the pain.

We know the people out there in the cities,
are voyeuristic when it comes to this,
they rarely have to face the harsh reality,
but then again they seldom know my kiss.
Write your letters in the sand if you must dear,
but hold this truth and know that it is true.
Today is our forever - not tomorrow
I cannot guarantee what I will do.

I’ll send you skies of blue and gentle rain love,
and breezes cool to dry your hard earned sweat.
I’ll send you sunny skies and prosperous seasons
and hope that these will help assuage, offset
the times that I am not so kind, when grey skies
send down a curtain of unending rain.
Or times when I withhold the precious water
and plunge the land deep into drought again.

Oh some folks think that I’m merely capricious,
a heartless hussy set out to destroy
the lands and homes and lives of those beneath me,
but wiles like that are not mine to deploy.
I am the Mother, always I will love you
and feed you, nurture you as you will see.
You are a child of earth so you should love me,
and show respect and try for harmony.

For we must work together, do the right things
to save the land the animals and trees.
Man's greedy ways are decimating acres,
my lungs – the forests, fall upon their knees.
You tear holes through my skin to rip my heart out,
my blood is black. Yet you would suck me dry.
Some touch my tears and say they will do better,
they understand. But do you see me cry?

[Larry]

Hello Maureen and welcome to MM,

This is a moving and beautiful piece. I'm glad the computer screen isn't a two way viewer because if it were, you would have seen me cry about half-way through the poem. I love nature but also hate what man is doing to her. Thanks for the nice reminder.

Larry

[JustDaniel]

Thank you for 'scribbling on your bark' to share with us this passionate, moving plea from 'Mother Earth' to some of her thoughtless children. I'm warming up more and more to the flavor of what you folks call 'bush poetry', so I'm looking forward to reading more and more of it.

Again, I want to personally welcome you to our Mob (as I note that you say) here at MM. Since you're new with us, I'm not sure at this point whether you offer this piece merely for exhibition and for merely comments, or whether you also seek critique. You'll find that if we want critique, we use the hint of placing [***]'s on the title header (the more *'s the heavier the crit desired), and since you haven't placed any, I cannot offer critique at this point. I do notice quite a number of punctuation gaffs, but that may be a small matter in this variety of poetry, since I'm a novice in that realm.

deLighting to have the opportunity to learn more, Daniel

[Thoth]

Hello Maureen and may I too bid you a warm welcome to MM.

Even though you lable this as "Bush Poetry", I see here a serious formal satyr, quite different from your normal bush-poetry both in style and content and metrical accuracy. It comprises iambic foot with a falling (feminine) and pentameter couplets. Rhyme pattern being;

- a - a - b - b (rhymes only on the pentameter lines

Choice of metrical form suits the subject remarkably well and I suspect this was a deliberate and educated decision. The poem does not relate a story but is a monologue in the voice of mother Earth herself. In my book that all adds up to “formal poetry” which could hold its own anywhere in the world. (sorry for that)

This passionate piece voices our mother Earth's disappointment with the way humanity is destroying the planet and to that end it achieves immediate success as it plays upon various familiar human emotions, the main one in case being guilt. This is a rare skill that most poets never fully understand and few ever truly master. Well done.

Since (in my book) this is a formal piece, for me it complies tightly with the chosen form and although technically very good, there are some places that could arguably be improved. (We call it polishing here)
As Daniel said, unless critique is requested, we cannot offer any.

All this demonstrates to me your uncommon versatility as a poet - John was right, Maureen - you are a natural!

Thanks for offering that heart-rending and tear-jerking poem. One of the best seen here in recent times IMHO.

Hope to see you around lots.

Hugz

Wal

[Maureen]

If I moved you to tears Larry I take it it might be a good poem - thank you

Daniel you picked it in one - scribbling is exactly what I do and puctuation I have to tell you is not my strong suit - I should have paid more attention at school.

Choice of metrical form suits the subject remarkably well and I suspect this was a deliberate and educated decision

Thank you Wal - high praise indeed, which I confess I don't think is deserved as the technicalities you have mentioned which might be there are there of their own volition...I would never consider them when I write because to be honest most of them (apart from the basics) escape me. I just write it down as it comes to me, and am always surprised when somebody comments so nicely on something I have done. I thank you kind sir. Polishing is good - I do lots of polishing

Cheers

Maureen

[Eisa]

Hi Maureen

Well I wasn't going to comment on any poems tonight as I was going to bed early, but then I read this and had to say something.

Your poem has deeply moved me tonight. When I started reading I wasn't quite sure what it was about but as I read further and it became clearer, I had a great big lump in my throat. But when I read the last stanza, especially

You tear holes through my skin to rip my heart out,
my blood is black. Yet you would suck me dry.
Some touch my tears and say they will do better,
they understand. But do you see me cry?

Well, could you could see me cry, alright. Phew! That really tore at my emotions.

I really love the metaphors here and the way you've used your words to tell such an important story. I think I'm going to love having you around.

Snow

[AMETHYST]

Hi Maureen,

This is surely an emotion piece of work. It seems to be working on different levels and entwining levels of intention which have such depth that it triggers a variety of senses, emotions and responses of our humanity. I especially loved Stanza 3, for which my perception and interpretation became layered and gave a deeper, darker and more profound view of the poem.

I felt that the rhythm was mostly steady, and the end rhymes were unobtrusive, often so subtle I forgot that I what I was reading and felt the musical voice within it. Very nicely done.

I may be back with a few offers of critique shortly or tomorrow, but for now, I would like to leave you with a warm thank you for the reminder we all have played our part for her tears and we all have within us the ability to sooth her pains.

Blessings to you, Liz

[Arnfinn]

Checking

[Arnfinn]

G'day Maureen


The world is not the same place it was fifty years ago

Another fine piece.

I see you are having quite and affect at MM.

Keep them Rolling


John