 After Contemplative Prayer, Purely following intuition (3/15/78) |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Prose Forums > Short Stories & Chapters for Critique -> Stonehenge  |
| Guest_Brahms_* |
  Sep 3 03, 15:44
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#1
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Hello Morgan, and thank you for your responsive reaction to my poem, the most questions ever :) Yes, it did relate to my logging accident, though
I had never ever had an experience with foreshadowing. 'After contemplative prayer' refers to a time when I began to share Christian-Taoist prayer with a very wonderful couple, sitting pads and a gong and personal centering phrase and all. This was halfway through each week far away in the big city of Seattle, far from my place where I logged for 2 years. This was after getting a BA in Religion and Literature, and I knew that logging would not be my final vocational berth, maybe a writer? I thought. After my logging accident, when my memory cells were hurt and I forgot most of my immediate previous life, I read my past poems and began to understand relationships to my life, and I was amazed to read the direct relationship to my logging accident. Yes, "unite" is the intended word- so much talking, I shall become my contemplative quiet true self. G'day, Brahms |
  
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Aug 30 03, 12:01
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#2
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Excellent Brahms!
 Your use of imagery is remarkable! :pharoah2 If you would like a critique on this piece, I can move it for you to 'The Bermuda Triangle' forum? Just say the word! ??? Cheers! ~Cleo 
·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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| Guest_Brahms_* |
 Aug 30 03, 11:34
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#3
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Deep
in the circular crush of the sea or in a roaring late buzz traffic and steam pipes unit roaring. In that roar I step. For in it I feel a pulling. Different voices spark and grumble pulling gray hair, prayer and koans are smiled as I arrive to a . . . . I cannot say it - I fear. It is a dangerous land paths alone yet cannot help but bleed when you pull the briars away. Soft feet stepping sometimes alone, sometimes measured and shared. I cannot. Owh, I jolt. The pain is distressing, jolting and always pulling . . . . I feel a pulling. |
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| Guest_Brahms_* |
Aug 30 03, 12:08
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#4
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Yes, good Lady, please do!
 BrahmsJ |
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Aug 30 03, 12:37
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#5
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
QUOTE (Brahms @ Aug. 30 2003, 13:08) Yes, good Lady, please do! BrahmsJ Alrighty! So here we are...  :idea: Just need more nice writers to POST in here so we can all reply and critique!   :sid: Cheers! ~Cleo :pharoah: ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Sep 2 03, 16:27
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#6
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 Assyrian  Posts: 153 Joined: 22-August 03 From: West Monroe, Louisiana Member No.: 20 Real Name: Chris Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Brahms!
It is a pleasure to read you again. I found this piece intriguing and thought the title was well chosen. I did however find it a bit hard to understand. Of course prayer is a very personal thing and I wouldn't want to critique a persons relationship with that process. I was reading another of your works eariler in which you describe being severely injured in a accident by a creek or river.. Does this prose relate to that?  If so, maybe you could combine the thoughts somehow so I could get to know what brought about this prayer? While I enjoyed the imagry in this piece and also liked the word choices, I did have trouble imagining myself in the speakers place, which I feel gives the prose or poem a more profound effect. If I'm correct in assuming that this piece relates to that experience, then if you combined the thoughts somehow it would help the innocent reader to relate to this a little better.Also, I think you have a small typo in Ln.4 of stanza 1. I believe you meant " unite," instead of " unit?" and I didn't understand the term "koans", in Ln.6 of stanza 2. Maybe if you could explain them to me I might understand a little better.  I can be pretty dense sometimes.  I did have a favorite stanza! It is your third stanza. " It is a dangerous land, paths alone, yet cannot help but bleed when you pull the briars away." I love this! I think this part sounds the most spiritual of all the verses.  Thanks for posting this. I did enjoy the read and the parts that I didn't understand could very well be my own naivete'.  Love and stuff, Morgan le Fay Mistress of Magic 
······· ·······"...Morgan le Fay was not married, but put to school in a nunnery, where she became a great mistress of magic."
- ?Mallory, Morte d'Arthur MM Award Winner   |
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| Guest_Brahms_* |
Sep 2 03, 22:48
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#7
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Yo, 'Bermuda Triangle' it go, yet me rusty humour, off ye go!
Brahms-manship Maybe this humor means I'm becoming 'an old man' already |
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