Tibouchina l & ll, Nature/Seasonal Options

[Peterpan]

Tibouchina l

Oh Tibouchina
you multiply your violet amongst green;
while soft raindrops splatter earth.

Oh Tibouchina
in quiet and din, you stand tall
considering humanity, but not prying.

Oh Tibouchina
your five petals of optimism
remind us of nature’s feat.


Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, February 2008




Tibouchina ll

You wear a floral dress
with pride;
swaggering your limbs to sunshine
and moonlit nights.

Fatigue arrests your mood
discarding your garment

you try green, instead of violet, for a while.

Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, February 2008

Attached File(s)

 Southb_091.JPG ( 1.86MB ) Number of downloads: 5

 

[Guest_Xanadu_*]

Hello Peterpan!

Gosh. It has got to be just me, but I am not keen on starting any poem with "Oh".
That kinda stops me in my tracks right away.

II was much better. Would love to see I incorporated within II.

[Guest_Don_*]

I am confused regarding two parts. I do not grasp the theme. Does this plant metaphorically represent something else?

Please help.

Don

[Peterpan]

Don, it is just a shrub. A very pretty shrub. It exists in my beach house garden.

Thanks for asking.

PP

[Peterpan]

Hello Xanadu~

Thanks for visiting!

I am exclaiming to the shrub. I have been observing it for days. I am trying a new 'workshopping' technique which I saw on the net in The Guardian. It is observational poetry, making notes while walking, observing and then writing. But, perhaps you are right. I will think further.

take care.

Bev

[Guest_Don_*]

Not being familiar with botanical items, I did look it up.

Upon reading your reply to Xanadu, I see that I was swimming underwater for treasure in vain.

Sounds like the exercise is for beginners to observe and record. Not to diss tricks to open our viewpoint, but it would seem that we already have the map leading to watering holes.

Don

[Peterpan]

Hi Don~

I am not sure I understand your coments above? Rus Bowden (his postings are on MM) recommended the workshop in The Guardian and the poets that took part were far from beginners. Perhaps you should take a look. I am sure you will be interested. Of course I am not suggesting that my poem does not come across as a beginners poem. But, I was giving it a try.

In the poems the beautiful shrub is a lady in a floral dress? So of course it is metaphorical.

Bev

[Guest_Don_*]

Dear Peterpan,

Are you posting two separate poems in this thread? Otherwise I only see the same subject. Only the second states lady in floral dress.

"...swaggering your limbs to sunshine."
Swaggering is rather unladylike. Are you describing swaying or extending? is there a dance term for gracefully extending human limbs? Pardon my ignorance as ballet is naptime.

"...considering humanity, but not prying."
This is an elegant line.

Your poem(s) are beyond novice. My take on the workshop exercise was that that particular lesson is aimed at novices. My occupation revolved about creativity, of which being observant and looking from differing directions are basic.

Please understand that formalized workshops are not my beverage.
An accomplished poetess provides face to face sessions in her geographic area. She advocated a particular syllable count per line format as a means of eliminating filler words. She soon learned most of her class did not know the meaning of syllable, so she adopted word count per line. The trick doesn't work for me because I take a paragraph of prose, break it into lines, then separately eliminate filler. In other words, her specific choice of form does not automatically eliminate or reduce filler for me because of an alternate method.

Don

[Peterpan]

Hi Don!

Thanks for the chat and input.

I said the tree may be like a lady. I did not say she was ladylike! Swaggering is boastful, showey and conceited. I think it is my impression to a tee. EVERYBODY says branches are waving and swaying and dancing in the wind. I saw something different. The shrub was showing-off. Passers by were stopping to look at her display. She was drawing attention.

Just as a human has moods, so has the shrub. She sheds her florals and shows her green foliage. The shrub is an evergreen.

Take care and thanks for visiting.

Bev

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Bev,

Whaty a beautiful set of poems to match the equally beautiful picture!

I'll be back with further thoughts, but I wanted to toss out one idea for you now before I head to work - if you were to lose some of the personification (those you's) would it still work in more compact manner? I'll demonstrate below with some added punctuation changes for your pondering.

Tibouchina l

Oh Tibouchina
multiply violet amongst green
while soft raindrops splatter earth.

Oh Tibouchina
in quiet and din, stand tall
considering humanity, no thought to pry.

Oh Tibouchina
five petals of optimism
remind us of nature’s feat.


Tibouchina ll

You wear a floral dress
with pride,
swaggering limbs to sunshine
and moonlit nights.

Fatigue arrests your mood
discarding garments --
trying green, instead of violet,
for a while.

Copyright © Beverleigh Gail Annegarn, February 2008

Be back soon!
~Cleo

[Peterpan]

Hi Lori~

I knew you could offer concrete ideas. Good ones too! Thanks for the thoughts. I will take a closer look but from what I can see...yes.

I also knew you would like the added photography. Not that good. But, I have to tell you, your gallery is magnificent. I have been spending some time looking. I did not know you flew so much. You know we fly - almost all the time? This Easter we take my parents to our home at the coast - it takes us 2 and a half hours instead of 8 by car! And the road is so dangerous and busy. We also fly above the clouds like you did. (Eric is a Commercial Pilot, by hobby not profession!)

Chat soon. Just arrived home from lunch with my parents and Eric. (I have not been out for two weeks except to go to the doctor.) It was quite a treat.

Many thanks!

Bev

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Bev,

I look forward to any changes you might make!

Oh, thank you! I enjoy phorography, but have been using my digital camera mostly the past 2 years. I have a really nice 35mm too with a few lens, that I'd like to get back to - just need to purchase film, lol!

Yes, and you fly with your dog too, I remember! It's such a wonderful freedom to be able to fly (Peter is a commercial/single and multi-instrument pilot and owns an aviation company which rents planes to flight schools) somewhere, instead of driving. I look forward to the warmer weather months ahead as we plan to go on quite a few 'long weekends' along the eastern seaboard here. We flew to Disney world in October and met Liz first which was quite fun!!

Oh boy, don't want to take over your tile here - so will stop babbling on for now, but perhaps the flights will spark our muses? If you ever have pics you'd like me to put up on the server so they will view without the thumbnails, let me know.

Hope you are feeling better!

Cheers
~Lori