From the description you gave to Snow I can see what the poem is about or where it is sourced from.
I found the 'oh......' and use of advanced language a bit of a mood killer in getting into this, I mean I know a guy who writes words and words and words you've never heard of and not that poetry or the poet should be limited to common things but generally I'm a bit distrustful of it because I don't or haven't read a lot of poetry from famous authors that was constructed in that manner. Generally the ideas are complex but the language, for the most part, is fairly simple.
I liked the transitions in this, from alms to beggar, assassin to shifting appetites, steel indecision/bruising to parakeets etc... the transitions are the most pleasing aspect of the poem for me. However it comes across as a bit intellectual rather than with feeling, and the key would be to employ both aspects but I think the greater focus should fall on delivering a gut punch. I've been struggling with writing recently because I've been exploring what you might call eureka moments as they relate to emotional turmoil, however they are coming out a bit dry, saying with the head, but going unpaired with what the heart is feeling. I post them, look at them, and then delete them, because they don't compel me to think, 'this is what it is.'
db
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